+ The giant monocle seldom looks flattering.
+ The forehead horn is completely worthless. It just gets in the way, actually.
+ The loss of depth perception makes it hard to know just where to bite when feasting on live meat.
+ No one gets it when you wink at them.
+ The eye chart at the optomotrist’s office is really an “eyes chart.” Not that you can read. But still.
+ The insensitive slurs from the two-eyed community (“myopic,” “short-sighted,” etc.) are never-ending.
+ Only Siamese twins get to look cross-eyed.
+ The giant single eyeball only assists the archer’s aim.
+ The pirate’s patch fools no one.
+ Cartoons have filled the children you eat with all sort of false assumptions about how you do so. (However, this can be a benefit, if you have the right Cyclopean attitude).
+ If you lose a contact, you’re doomed.
+ The Encyclopedia has been replaced by the Wikipedia.
[ Thanks go out to Karissa Kilgore for inspiring this month’s Blather by pointing me to the freakouts at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclopia ]