Try saying “asphyxiation” five times fast. You will know what it means from experience. But if you survive, read on…
You probably know the term refers to “choking to death” and that it is the fancy pants medical name for strangulation. But did you know the term derives from the Greek, meaning a- (“without”) + sphyxis (a “heartbeat”)?
If you thought it had something to do with the Egyptian term “sphinx” (which I think means “without + a nose), then you were wrong. (To “asphynxiate” actually means to turn into a giant cat with wings and tell riddles till your enormous human face erodes away.)
There are many circumstances that can induce asphyxia, all of which are characterized by the inability to acquire sufficient oxygen through breathing for a long, long — gasp! — LONG period of time. These circumstances can include but are not limited to: the constriction or obstruction of airways, such as from asthma, laryngospasm, or eating an excessive amount of cotton candy; from being in environments where oxygen is not readily accessible, such as underwater, in outer space, or when your head is dunked into — and held down — in a vat of boiling acid; environments where sufficiently oxygenated air is present, but cannot be adequately breathed because of air contamination, such as inhaling excessive smoke in a burning building, being trapped in an evil villain’s stinkbug chamber, or passing out in the men’s room in a truck stop on I-15. Asphyxia can cause coma or death or auto-erotic pleasure followed by death followed by embarrassment to your family who wishes they could choke you all over again.
To asphyxiate will fix nothing, especially not your ass.