The Goreletter

The Goreletter 5.03: Wackee-Packed!

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:22:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 5.03 | July 2, 2008 +++ ======================== NEWSFLASH A NEW WEBLOG! The weblog edition of The Goreletter has moved to: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/</a> I'd like you to drop by and post a comment to help me warm up the new home. You'll find a "caption contest" there as part of the housewarming party (see below for more details). The blog now includes the ability to post comments on any department, share your creative "instigation" responses, and view exclusive online content. You can now subscribe to a host of different RSS feeds. In May, gorelets.com changed to a faster server and the photo gallery is also finally online. I humbly ask you to help me spread the word, too, by posting links or mentions elsewhere online, so oddballs everywhere know where you go to get your weird on. If you want anything special on the site, now's the time let me know at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Rejected Wack-ee Packages PRODUCT NAME: Top Parts ARTWORK: Toaster sizzling the ears and bleeding noses that spill out of the slots. REASON FOR REJECTION: Close, but the crusty 'parts' aren't quite pastry-esque enough. PRODUCT NAME: Fearios Breakfast Feareal ARTWORK: Eyeballs floating in a bowl of blood. REASON FOR REJECTION: Two fears is one too many. Eyes too wet for dry cereal. Try again, maybe with screaming mouth Os? PRODUCT NAME: Toast Tito's Corn Chips ARTWORK: Corn Chip Bag brimming with crisped brown foot ailments. REASON FOR REJECTION: Too sick, even for us. The pictured dip is...worse. PRODUCT NAME: Axe Devitalizing Shower Gel ARTWORK: "Psycho" shower scene with axe-wielding maniac in silhouette behind a curtain. REASON FOR REJECTION: This is more an idea than a product parody. Besides, Axe is for men, and the sudsy nude in the shower is clearly female. PRODUCT NAME: BloodGeyser ARTWORK: Brown bottle spraying blood from top. REASON FOR REJECTION: Not bad, but pun is too easy. It would help if the bottle wasn't jaggedly broken in half and embedded into Smokey the Bear's chest. (Huh? Yellowstone, maybe?) PRODUCT NAME: Ball Park Frank ARTWORK: Puffy male head, carrots, and bones bobbing in cannibal pot...along with hot dogs. Caption reads "He plumps when you cook him." REASON FOR REJECTION: Getting close. But I see no reference to a "Ball Park"...wait, there's a baseball cap, filled with...scalp? Ugh. We can't print this. PRODUCT NAME: Neumann's Own Dressing ARTWORK: Soiled gauze. Literally. A used bandage. REASON FOR REJECTION: This is biomedical waste, not art. PRODUCT NAME: Killette! The Blood a Man Can Jet! ARTWORK: Silver razor embedded in a blood-spraying throat. REASON FOR REJECTION: Close again...but >another< blood spray?! Lame. Besides, everyone knows that disposable razors aren't straight razors. PRODUCT NAME: Drunken Donuts ARTWORK: Chubby mustachioed maniac pulls a hacksaw through a wino's leg. The oblivious wino drinks from paper bagged bottle. Caption reads: "Time to make the donuts, Daddy!" REASON FOR REJECTION: We've done this one before (the lost 1992 series)...only in a much more palatable way. PRODUCT NAME: Wonder Head ARTWORK: Human head, pre-sliced, wrapped tight in white plastic. "Fortified with 666 essential sinerals." REASON FOR REJECTION: What the hell is this? "Sinerals?" Is that the president's face behind the plastic? Why the fake beard? PRODUCT NAME: Wack-ee Package ARTWORK: Square chrome object on shiny silver paper...a machete glinting in a mirror? REASON FOR REJECTION: I don't get.... *** Note: My "Wack-ee" Packages are not to be confused with authentic Topps brand Wacky Packages. Visit their web site for fun online games and samples...and you'll even find a link to buy their awesome new coffee table art book (comes in waxed paper wrap!) <a href="http://www.wackypackages.com/">http://www.wackypackages.com/</a> Also drop by WackyPackages.Org for more parody-loving bubble gum-smelling Wacky Fandom than you could possible handle. ======================== ARNZEN NEWS ANTHOLOGY NEWS My short story, "She Screech Like Me," will be appearing in the upcoming book, He Is Legend: An Anthology Celebrating Richard Matheson (Gauntlet Press, 2009). This anthology features new sequels, prequels, and variations on Matheson's stories by a wide cast of popular authors. "Screech" is my sequel to Matheson's classic tale, "Born of Man and Woman." Other contributors to the book include Joe Hill & Stephen King (the first collaboration between father and son, riffing on Matheson's "Duel"), along with Gary Braunbeck, William Nolan, Joe Lansdale, and a host of others you'll recognize, extending the worlds of classic stories like I Am Legend, The Shrinking Man, Hell House, and more. Gauntlet Press publishes a great number of Matheson-related titles, in addition to an amazing assortment of collector's items by living legends of fantasy and science fiction. Drop by their catalog page to learn more about He is Legend, which is selling out quickly (and also just went up for sale a t Cemetery Dance publications, as well). <a href="http://www.gauntletpress.com">http://www.gauntletpress.com</a> <a href="http://www.cemeterydance.com/page/CDP/PROD/o_conlon01">http://www.cemeterydance.com/page/CDP/PROD/o_conlon01</a> I'll also have stories soon in Horror Library vol. III (Cutting Block Press, Fall 08), Winter Frights (Fall/Winter 08), and the exciting Bruce Springsteen-inspired anthology, Darkness on the Edge (PS Publishing, Winter 09). These fantastic books will include a host of great writers like: Bentley Little, Elizabeth Massie, Gary Braunbeck, TM Wright, Jeff Strand, Kealan Patrick Burke, Cullen Bunn, Mark Justice, Michael McBride, Lawrence C. Connolly, Lisa Morton, and -- whew, I'm out of breath. Links to all of these projects and more are listed here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Anthologies">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Anthologies</a> FEATURES Pittsburgh Professional Magazine recently ran a feature on my career, "Ghoulish Goals," with some great creepy photographs by Jim Judkis: <a href="http://gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-PPM-spreads.pdf">http://gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-PPM-spreads.pdf</a> FearZone's interview with me about my crazy novella, "The B*tchfight," is online at: <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen</a> Gail Z. Martin, author of the Chronicles of the Necromancer series, recently interviewed me for her ongoing series of podcasts with dark fantasy, paranormal and science fiction writers. Our funny and chatty conversation about gore, humor, death and the attraction of horror stories should be online in a podcast circa July 15th. Gail's podcast page presently features an all-star roster of writers, including Jeffery Thomas, Tony Ruggiero, Justin Gustainis, Alethea Kontis, and Mark Chadbourn. Gail's latest book is The Blood King, available now from amazon.com, and her new book, Dark Haven is due soon from Solaris Books. <a href="http://www.chroniclesofthenecromancer.com/page/page/5550992.htm">http://www.chroniclesofthenecromancer.com/page/page/5550992.htm</a> I'VE GOT A RABID SHIH TZU FOR YOU My latest novella, The B*tchfight (Bad Moon Books, 2008) has been getting great reviews. In the May issue of Horror World, Ron Dickie compares it to "a rabid Shih Tzu" which "quickly drags you in and goes for your throat...Not since Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door has a story been as equally repellent and captivating as this." Horror Web gives it 4-1/2 stars. And Dark Scribe magazine's review begins, "I'm not sure whether to fall over in a fit of giggles or sit crying in the shower after reading The B*tchfight." Grab a bar of soap and then pick up your copy from the Horror-Mall, or directly from publisher Bad Moon Books, before the limited run sells out: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight</a> <a href="https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html">https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html</a> <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com/">http://www.badmoonbooks.com/</a> [And if you want to drool over the leather lettered edition, drop by the Bad Moon Books gallery in the "Extra Extra" section at Awful Books and get a peek: <a href="http://www.awfulbooks.com">http://www.awfulbooks.com</a> ] WORLDS OF HORROR "How aware are you about the horror coming out of countries foreign to you? Are you aware how freaking WEIRD that stuff is? How bizarre and scary? Horror is ALL ABOUT the foreign, alien, and altogether OTHER, and I bet that if you havent read a lot of 'multicultural' horror, you havent really seen just how weird and different tales from foreign lands can be." The above is taken from my lengthy guest blog post at Horror Library's "Horror Blog-o-Rama" called "Worlds of Horror," where I issue horror fans a challenge to read more international horror writers and break out of their "literary isolationism." I offer some titles to help you get started on a tour of scary world literature. <a href="http://horrorlibrary.blogspot.com/2008/06/worlds-of-horror-by-michael-arnzen.html">http://horrorlibrary.blogspot.com/2008/06/worlds-of-horror-by-michael-arnzen.html</a> You should also check out the Horror Library anthology series, published by Cutting Block Press. I'll have a story about the horror of going through those frustrating airport security checkpoints in the upcoming volume later this fall, called "Guarded." Learn more here: <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/horror-library">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/horror-library</a> <a href="http://www.cuttingblock.net/">http://www.cuttingblock.net/</a> <a href="http://www.horrorlibrary.net/">http://www.horrorlibrary.net/</a> LISTS OF THE DEAD! "The Book of Lists: Horror" will be published by Harper this September, and it promises to be an awesome contribution to the horror genre. Editors Scott Bradley, Del Howison, and Amy Wallace have gathered together numerous thematic clusters that reveal just how multi-faceted and multi-fascinating this genre really is. Along with Stephen King, Eli Roth, Ray Bradbury, Gahan Wilson and many more, I'll have a few lists of my own in there. Pre-order it now at Amazon.com: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Book-Lists-Collection-Featuring-Introduction/dp/0061537268/">http://www.amazon.com/Book-Lists-Collection-Featuring-Introduction/dp/0061537268/</a> LAST LICKS My wacky novella about a boy with an hallucinogenic tongue, Licker, has sold out from Novello Publishing and is now officially out-of-print. You might still find a copy at the Horror Mall, but it's getting scarce. <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Licker">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Licker</a> <a href="https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html">https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html</a> ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems Head Games The mounted head begins to speak: you know, I like it better this way, I feel more like myself, no body to worry about anymore, just me alone with my thoughts, and there's time to talk to you without the distractions of yada yada yada I know dear and I prefer it, too, I say, putting on my boxing gloves. Now remind me, where did you store the tongs? ======================== A TOAST TO RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS! If you'll indulge me for a moment: please pick up your wine glass, water bottle or coffee mug. I want to raise a high toast to a great publisher. This year marks Raw Dog Screaming Press' fifth anniversary. Anyone who knows the independent press, knows that simply surviving that long -- especially in today's publishing economy -- is a true milestone of success. I'm proud to be one of their authors, an early runt of their raw puppy litter -- and when I think about how far they've gone to support my experiments in horror, I am not only humbled, but also proud to be a part of their efforts to push the envelope of the genre, if not literature itself. Not only do they persistently take risks on some very edgy work ("A Child's Guide to Death" anyone?), but they also go out of their way to promote their titles and support their authors in creative ways. "What we wanted to do was publish the unpublishable, put out books that other publishers wouldn't touch because they cross genres, mix conventions or just dont play by the rules," co-publisher Jen Barnes writes about their origins, in a retrospection on their livejournal. Now, almost five years later, Raw Dog Screaming has published 18 novels, 14 collections (including 2 books of poetry), 10 anthologies and one CD/audiobook. I've been very lucky to have them as a literary partner over these five years. Two of our books together were Stoker award finalists and the one that remains in print -- 100 Jolts -- continues to be a very popular book. My second novel, Play Dead, was too experimental for the mainstream press, but Raw Dog grabbed it in its feral jaws and ran with it: they not only printed Play Dead in both a fine limited hardcover and an amazingly sculpted "Grim Grimoire" edition, but also created a deck of custom-illustrated playing cards (highly collectible now) to go along with it -- AND they hosted a charity poker game party at World Horror Convention to debut the book! The fact that this novel sold out its complete run in hardcover says a lot about the commitment that John Lawson and Jen Barnes at RDSP have to their authors. If you haven't been reading their books, you should give their catalog a look-see. They relish the experimental -- from Harold Jaffe's "docufictions" to D. Harlan Wilson's outrageously funny brand of the bizarro. My 100-story collection, 100 Jolts, is another great example of books that other publishers probably would be too afraid to touch. A single-author collection, filled with short-shorts, some no longer than a paragraph? Unheard of. But creative risks like these pay off, because readers are actually hungry for fresh angles and tired of the same old story. Jolts was successful enough to recently be re-released in a hardcover edition with bonus material -- and if that wasn't enough, they went beyond the pale to supplement it with a CD of musically-enhanced readings, in Audiovile! This indulgence of my musical and oratorical performances is quite remarkable, I think, and it says a lot that the Raw Dog is willing to sniff its gory nose around diverse new media territories, hungry for blood. Seriously: how many publishers really cultivate the artistic side of their writers in such unique ways? I can think of...none. Raw Dog isn't just printing books, they really care about the Arts -- just look at their wild covers, or their recent reaches into children's picture books, and it quickly becomes self-evident: they're twisted, but they care about creativity. So John and Jen (and Ripley) at Raw Dog Screaming Press: here's to you! To celebrate, RDSP is hosting a 5 year anniversary party at HorrorFind Weekend in the Baltimore area this coming August. I'm going to be there, along with several other members of the Raw Dog pack: presently, D. Harlan Wilson, Adam Golaski, John Edward Lawson, Donna Lynch, Ronald Damien Malfi, and Matthew Warner are all scheduled to appear, with readings, parties, and other fun events. To quote the evil dead: "Join ussss!" TA-DA! To pop the champagne early, they are offering Goreletter readers an exclusive discount on Audiovile -- their first audiobook, by yours truly. You can get a copy directly from Raw Dog Screaming for just $7.95, ppd! That's $5 off! Click here to order: <a href="http://tinyurl.com/3gu8c7">http://tinyurl.com/3gu8c7</a> Visit Raw Dog Screaming Press: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/</a> Read the editor's retrospective: <a href="http://raw-dog.livejournal.com/132175.html">http://raw-dog.livejournal.com/132175.html</a> Come to Horrorfind: <a href="http://www.horrorfindweekend.com/">http://www.horrorfindweekend.com/</a> Learn About Audiovile: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile</a> ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Dead Cat Bounce If shooting a frail little kittie out of a high-powered cannon is your idea of fun, then just wait until you try Dan Fleming's "Kitten Cannon" game -- where the aim is not only to watch the fuzzball fly, but to make that feline soar as far as possible by ricocheting its body off of trampolines, bombs, and TNT stockpiles...but look out for the Venus Fly Traps and metal spike pits! I'm a cat lover and I can't seem to stop playing this game long enough to finish my letter to the ASPCA. Ah well, maybe it isn't so bad: this tortured tabby has wayyyy more than nine lives. My best distance to date: 1182 ft. Kitten Cannon: <a href="http://www.burststudio.com/kitten.html">http://www.burststudio.com/kitten.html</a> ======================== SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE "Notes from Horror 101" Most readers know I also teach college at Seton Hill U, where we have a top-notch Master's degree program in Writing Popular Fiction. Last month, I wrapped up teaching a once-in-a-blue-moon undergraduate course we also offer in "Horror & Suspense Writing." Shortly after I turned in grades, I found a slip of paper under my office door from an anonymous student, who unbeknown to me had been taking notes a little too carefully -- writing down the weirdest of the wacky things that came out of my mouth during lectures and discussions. Here's a select few snippets of profound wisdom which, in my defense, are lifted completely out of context but which I assure you would be pedagogically justified if that context were provided. A-hem. Here goes... On point-of view in horror fiction: "You shouldn't be writing in First Person Singular all the time...try writing in First Monster Singular, instead." Responding to a question about sexual perversion in horror fiction: "What do you mean? Necrophilia is the safest of sexes." On ghosts and the supernatural: "There are no friendly ghosts in horror. Try running off with Casper to his friendly place and it won't be long before he turns around and eats you." When arriving late during a snowy day: "I had so much snow in my shoes today, I almost fell down three flights of stairs, which would have been bad for the metal plate in my head." On genre: "Horror and fantasy have a lot in common, but you know horror when you see it. If your story starts out with unicorns and fairies having sex, that's not horror...even if it's still pretty scary." On conflict: "Characters shouldn't just whine, 'oh, wah, I hate my life.' Try 'I hate my job, I hate my mother, and, oh yeah, I have a knife in my belly, too.' Your protagonist needs to be in agony." On word roots: "Agony and aggravate have nothing to do with agriculture." On the psychology of horror: "Horror fiction is about looking at yourself after you hack a person to pieces...and your brain is thinking 'Gee, I still want that pickle.'" This class was a lot of fun. At the end of the term, we had a writing contest with the grand prize of a piñata that my wife made in homage to Edvard Munch's "The Scream." You can find a photo of this in the brand spanking new online gallery at gorelets.com. Drop by and leave a comment! ======================== DICTIONSCARY "funicular" It starts with fun, so it can't be bad, right? Wrong. That would be like sticking your head in a raging furnace, hoping to see a fern. Chances are 80-20 that if something is "-icular" it is going to be nasty. You know what I mean: cancerous prefixes like "test-" or "mast-" -- and manslaughtery ones like "vehi-" or "curr-" -- all leap immediately to mind. But to be "funicular," in particular, is to be ropey and nasty. The root of the word is "funicle," which in botany is a term that refers to the stalk of an ovule or seed. In anatomy, it's any corded tissue, like a bundle of nerves, or that weird stuff that connects back to a placenta. Thus "funiculus" is a synonym for an umbilicus, only less umbly. In less scientific -- but no less geeky -- parlance, "funicular" is simply an adjective pertaining to a rope, a cord, or its tension. "Funiculus" is Latin for "slender rope." Thus we have "funicular railways" that run cable cars. But to me, "funicular" still sounds like a "funny collar," and I don't know many of those made of rope, except when you're hanging a clown. This looks academicular: <a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/funicular">http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/funicular</a> This looks funicular: <a href="http://www.snopes.com/photos/odd/ronald.asp">http://www.snopes.com/photos/odd/ronald.asp</a> And this is just a funny collar: <a href="http://www.frightcatalog.com/Halloween-Props/Weapons/Rubber+Noose-1018002/">http://www.frightcatalog.com/Halloween-Props/Weapons/Rubber+Noose-1018002/</a> ======================== THE CONTESTATORIUM The winners of last issue's witty "photo caption" contest are Dean M. Watts and Jason Jack Miller. Both have received prize copies of the Exquisite Corpse DVD -- congratulations! You can see their hilarious captions for James Newman's awesome photo at: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/dataerrata/contest-winners/">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/dataerrata/contest-winners/</a> As I mentioned at the top of the newsletter, this issue's contest is a housewarming party for my new weblog. Matt Schuster (artist from Proverbs for Monsters) has provided us with a new, original, biZARRO piece of art. All you need to do is post the best caption you can come up with in a blog comment, and you could be one of two people who will win one of the following prize sets: An almost-impossible-to-find signed Advanced Review Copy of The B*tchfight by Arnzen + the first four issues of Jai Nitz's horror comic series, Heaven's Devils (Image). <<<OR>>> A signed copy of Arnzen's novella, Licker + the first four issues of Army of Darkness vs. Reanimator (Dynamite Comics). BONUS THIRD PRIZE: Artist Matt Schuster himself will judge his favorite caption and the winner will get the original sketch used for this contest!!! The deadline is July 6th. Entries have already come pouring in from web visitors, so don't miss your chance. Full rules, details, and entry forms are here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/weblog-exclusive/enter-a-caption-and-win/">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/weblog-exclusive/enter-a-caption-and-win/</a> Learn more about Matt Schuster's art at: <a href="http://www.mpsindustries.com">http://www.mpsindustries.com</a> ======================== NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS "The Frolic" by Thomas Ligotti Late last year, Wonder Entertainment released a special collector's edition of Thomas Ligotti's short story "The Frolic" in a book that comes bundled with a DVD -- a 24 minute adaptation of that story directed by Jacob Cooney. Get it soon, because this product is limited to 1000 copies, and there are signed editions available. Remarkably, this is the very first cinematic adaptation of Ligotti's work -- and I must say, it's an excellent treatment, co-scripted by Ligotti himself, intensely directed, and well-acted. In my Goreletter reviews, I try to shine light on (mostly independent) "print" books because I feel that other media already get plenty of press and attention. At first I didn't want to review The Frolic here because it is a new film, but the truth is this edition is more of a multimedia "story event" than your usual DVD release. Here you'll get a full-blown celebration of the short story in a perfect-bound paperback which features not only a "newly revised version" of "The Frolic" (which originally appeared in Ligotti's first collection, Songs of a Dead Dreamer), but also an eyebrow-raising introduction by the author, the complete screenplay for the adaptation by Ligotti and his screenwriting partner Brandon Trenz, and also enlightening interviews with everyone involved with the production of the film. Indeed, the book is everything that would normally appear on a "special features" section of an ordinary DVD, but here the printed word is so well-respected that it truly cele brates Ligotti's mastery as a storyteller above all. In a nutshell, the short story itself is about the chilling effect a child killer named "John Doe" has had on his prison house psychologist, David Munck. The killer, who justifies his actions by claiming he steals children away to some unearthly place so they can "frolic" together, disturbs Munck at the core, chipping away at his "objective" scientific worldview and replacing it with the supernatural. This foments into sheer terror when Doe refers to a "Colleen" during an interview -- a name that sounds a lot like his own daughter's, "Noreen," a name Doe couldn't possibly know. Ligotti does a masterful job of fracturing Munck's world, from his faith in science and his career to his family relations, and much of the horror of the story comes from its inevitable, unstoppable conclusion. The story artfully juxtaposes the doctor's job in the adult world against the killer's "work" in the world of children -- and the characters lives intersect in artfully frightening ways. The film version does a great job capturing the creepy tension between the doctor and the killer by focusing on their parallels, without ever directly depicting any violence or gore, and the film changes the storyline just enough to make it stand strongly on its own two feet as a distinctive tale. The film, like the story, is dialogue-heavy, but it puts more focus on John Doe than it does the doctor and his family. However, the acting is so good (especially by John Doe played by Maury Sterling) that the tension between the characters mounts in a way that is highly reminiscent of the scenes in Silence of the Lambs, where Clarice Starling interviews Hannibal Lector: we can feel the prisoner's great power despite his physical restraint, and we recognize his potential for evil in the glint of his knowing smile. The bundled book gives excellent insight into Ligotti's process. In his introduction, the author discusses the history of the story in a way that makes him sound almost embarrassed about its creation in 1982, yet proud of this cinematic treatment of it twenty five years later. He writes about his aversion to using "normal characters" as protagonists, which is the stock approach of contemporary domestic horror. Horror cinema, he argues, is inherently told from the viewpoint of normalcy, under some kind of threat by the abnormal, and this is how it engenders chills in the "normal" audience who are forced by films to confront it -- but from a safe distance. In his fiction, Ligotti prefers to distort reality and present an abnormal worldview, tapping into the Weird with a capital W. But, in the 80s, Ligotti wanted to try his hand at one of these "normal" kinds of horror stories, just to see what it would happen if he sifted his proclivity for the aberrant through his abnormal len s. "The Frolic" was the result...and, he implies, the fact that he wrote a moderately "normal" horror story is precisely what makes it more adaptable to cinema than his other work. In other words, "The Frolic" is Ligotti at his most conventional, if not accessible. It's a great choice for the first adaptation of his work -- but the story is no less disturbing because of it. Ligotti is very much a literary horror writer, if only in that he writes stories that are meant to be read and thought about in a way that cinema -- which imagines the visual FOR us -- does not allow. His stories are very much psychodramas of the dark fantastic, and since much the "psychodrama" is in the reader's mind, the gaps and limits of language are imperative to staging it. The film version of The Frolic succeeds because it keeps the camera movement and other direction relatively low key, letting the dialogue of the actors and the written script drive the story. Anyone expecting the rapid editing and riotous gore of films like Hostel will be let down by this story, which is very "talky" -- but since most of the story is a conversation between a mystified psychologist and an imp risoned child murderer, its tension and intrigue are high. The film version differs just enough from the fiction version to make the set worth your while. Read the story first. Then watch the movie. Then read the screenplay and watch the special features. While the interview with Ligotti appears in the book, you won't get any special appearances in the shape of cameos or interviews from the man (who seems to be so reclusive that he might well be the Thomas Pynchon of horror). If you like to see Ligotti's imagination transformed into a visual medium, you might also be interested in the wonderful comic anthology from Fox Atomic, The Nightmare Factory; the first volume is excellent (and a second volume is coming soon). The Frolic ($45) signed collector's edition: <a href="http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2713">http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2713</a> Thomas Ligotti Online: <a href="http://www.ligotti.net/">http://www.ligotti.net/</a> ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE The Call-In Radio Horror Show For your next movie night, rent: American Nightmare (Keeyes, 2003) Psycho IV: The Beginning (Garris, 1990) Busu (aka The Booth) (Nakamura, 2005) ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Workshop for Young Writers | Univ of Pittsburgh-Greensburg, PA I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer's workshop in speculative fiction for young writers of talent (ages 14-19), along with Chris McKitterick, Timothy Zahn, and Tamora Pierce. <a href="http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html">http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html</a> July 19, 7pm | Barnes and Noble Bookstore | Greensburg, PA Reading and book signing, along with sci-fi writer Timothy Zahn, at Barnes and Noble Bookstore, to celebrate Alpha. Open to the public Aug 15-16 | HorrorFind | Adelphi, MD Join us at Horrorfind for the FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY for Raw Dog Screaming Press! I'll be there, in addition to reading at this HUGE annual convention of horror film and fiction fans in the Baltimore region. Party details will follow; watch the Raw Dog Screaming page for updates. <a href="http://horrorfindweekend.com/">http://horrorfindweekend.com/</a> <a href="http://www.rawdogscreamingpress.com">http://www.rawdogscreamingpress.com</a> Sept 26-28 | Context-21 | Columbus, OH I'll be running a workshop on flash fiction writing and more at this excellent literary convention in Ohio. I was Horror Guest of Honor last year at Context and loved every minute of it. Other horror fiction notables in attendance this coming year include Guest of Honor Brian Keene, Gary Braunbeck, Mike Laimo, Tim Waggoner, Paula Guran, Maurice Broaddus, Fran Friel, and Lucy Snyder. (Alert: Only one seat remains for my workshop as of this posting...better sign up soon!) <a href="http://www.contextsf.org/">http://www.contextsf.org/</a> Oct 25-26th | Zombiefest 2008 | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA It returns! And like the living dead, I, too, will be crawling back to the mall. It's still too early to know details, but save the date, which will coincide with World Zombie Day! <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/zombiefest2008/home.htm">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/zombiefest2008/home.htm</a> ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Write about a woman-eating plant (as opposed to just a man-eater). + Everyone says they're afraid of clowns. What are clowns scared of? Depict their worst nightmare. + Ever heard the expression, "Let your freak flag fly"? Write a story or poem about a freak nation and its hallowed flag. (Option: try drawing or describing the iconography of the flag before you begin). *** Visit the new Goreletter weblog where you can post your writing! <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/dept/instigation/">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/dept/instigation/</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you liked PLAY DEAD ... you'll like VEINS by Lawrence C. Connolly <a href="http://www.veinsthenovel.com">http://www.veinsthenovel.com</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like SKULL CATHEDRAL by Tim Waggoner <a href="http://horror-mall.com/SKULL-CATHEDRAL-by-Tim-Waggoner-p-17992.html">http://horror-mall.com/SKULL-CATHEDRAL-by-Tim-Waggoner-p-17992.html</a> If you liked FREAKCIDENTS ... you'll like THE NIGHTMARE COLLECTION by Bruce Boston <a href="http://horror-mall.com/THE-NIGHTMARE-COLLECTION-by-Bruce-Boston-p-18042.html">http://horror-mall.com/THE-NIGHTMARE-COLLECTION-by-Bruce-Boston-p-18042.html</a> If you liked GRAVE MARKINGS ... you'll like HAWG by Steven Shrewsbury <a href="http://www.gravesidetales.com/store/index.php?_a=viewProd&productId=3">http://www.gravesidetales.com/store/index.php?_a=viewProd&productId=3</a> If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! A PROVERBIALLY MONSTROUS BARGAIN Dark Regions Press and the Horror Mall are offering Goreletter readers an exclusive discount on the limited edition hardcover of my recent Stoker award-winning collection, Proverbs for Monsters! Enter the code PROVERBGORE10 on checkout, and you'll get 10% off the book. Limited to one per person; expires July 24th or while supplies last, at: <a href="https://www.horror-mall.com/PROVERBS-FOR-MONSTERS-by-Michael-A.-Arnzen-Limited-Hardcover-p-16973.html">https://www.horror-mall.com/PROVERBS-FOR-MONSTERS-by-Michael-A.-Arnzen-Limited-Hardcover-p-16973.html</a> ENTER THE ZOMBIE MALL There's another mall down the street, teeming with terror: the Zombie Mall! You won't believe the weirdness they have in store for you -- from "infant zombie creepers" to "hot dog zombie pillows". And they're currently running a cool promotion where if you purchase an item from their online store, pose in a photo "playing" with it somehow, and then send the picture back to them, you can get 15% off any item. Visit <a href="http://www.zombiemall.com/">http://www.zombiemall.com/</a> to make your purchase then send your photos to <a href="mailto:dead@zombiemall.com">dead@zombiemall.com</a> RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS Read my tribute to RDSP's five year anniversary elsewhere in this newsletter for a $5 break on my cd, Audiovile! LIBRARYTHING LibraryThing.com is STILL graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" free membership to Goreletter subscribers. See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and snoop around in my personal library, to learn more about this great site for book hoarders. To get your free unlimited account, all you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only). Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS include titles by Kim Harrison, Jeffery Deaver, Joyce Carol Oates, and Joshua Reyolds. Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2008 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 39. This newsletter is a recipient of the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/about">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/about</a> Visit MySpace for lots of pictures, sounds, doohickeys, and web design blunders: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS Spit Happens "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time." -- George Carlin (died June 2008) ======================== -- The following information is a reminder of your current mailing list subscription: You are subscribed to the following list: The Goreletter using the following email: example@example.com You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL: <<a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt</a>; If the above URL is inoperable, make sure that you have copied the entire address. Some mail readers will wrap a long URL and thus break this automatic unsubscribe mechanism. 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The Goreletter 5.02: Grim Henzen Productions

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:03:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 5.02 | Apr 2, 2008 +++ ======================== NEWSFLASH: PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS WINS 2007 BRAM STOKER AWARD for "Superior Achievement in a Fiction Collection" Tied with Peter Straub for his book, 5 STORIES Thanks to everyone who read, voted, and sent me kind words. I'm still in disbelief. What a year! Congratulations to all the winners and nominees...I recommend all of their books. -- Michael Arnzen The Stoker Award Winners: <a href="http://horror.org/news-2007stokerwinners.htm">http://horror.org/news-2007stokerwinners.htm</a> My Acceptance Speech (read by Weston Ochse at HWA Banquet): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-StokerAcceptance-2008.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-StokerAcceptance-2008.htm</a> All About Proverbs for Monsters: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Grim Henzen Productions Wormit the Legless Frog Everybody's lovable green buddy crawls back from the grave on his two lanky arms, his backside grotesquely tapered much like the tadpole he once was. He haunts the parking lots of French restaurants...and in his nasal-congested voice cries out for "leggggsss!" He leaves a snotty trail behind him. He is frequently run over by cars. Googee Monster He chaotically throws fistfuls of cookies into his mouth, munching wildly, growling "Gooooogeeee." Sometimes you can see his razor-sharp teeth cutting into his own bloody gums. And sometimes you see human fingers jumbling in the mouth fuzz, and they're not the puppeteer's. Clownt von Clownt Combining the worst elements of a vampire and a clown, Clownt von Clownt's lofty domed forehead broods above the eyes and mouth painted not with grease but with the blood of the innocent. But he is tortured with immortal irony. He loads the chambers of his revolver with five blanks and one live round, playing Russian Roulette in front of the camera. "Uh-one," click. "Uh-two," click! "Uh-three...," BAM! And the pointy teeth go flying. Big Dead Bird His yellow feathers are fading and falling out. Patches of death-pale gooseflesh are visible everywhere. But worse: large earthworms writhe in his Big Rib Cage. His enormous eyes are always closed. He smells. Badly. The children avoid him. Shuffleupeatus This shy wooly mammoth is oh so cute...and everyone thinks he's just Big Dead Bird's imaginary friend, until he shuffles up within trunk-grabbing distance of you. His trunk is always larger than the children calculate. He teaches them how to count with each determined mash of their bones between his perfect, poisonous tusks. They never really get past three. Burnie and Dirt Burnie died in the apartment building fire, but now he's back from the grave along with his old pal Dirt, his old roommate, who he now carries around in a funerary urn. Dirt perpetually reminds Burnie that the fire was all his fault and that he warned him and he should have listened...when he's not otherwise whining about having to share his urn with Rubber Duckie. Together they roam the streets, forever homeless, seeking a bathtub. Scar the Grump There's nothing but scabrous tissue where you thought you'd see lips. He's still a grouch, but at least his nonstop complaining is less annoying, all mumbles and muffled screams behind that stretchy scab where his mouth should have been. His trashcan abode bears the placard for biomedical waste. Smellmo No one wants to tickle this stinky scab-colored creature (especially not in those nasty underarms), but that doesn't stop this monstrosity from sitting in the alleyway, tickling himself in the dark shadows, chortling with perverse glee. O-ver This skinny blue corpse dons his grim reaper cowl and scythe. He has come back to the Street, with a lesson to teach the little ones.... *** Related: Tickle Me Emo: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nRNYG_xM2U">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nRNYG_xM2U</a> ======================== ARNZEN NEWS THE FIGHT IS ON, DAWG! The B*tchfight is my latest novella, published in trade and collectible hardcover, mailing this week from Bad Moon Books. Brian Hodge (author of Mad Dogs) provides an wonderful introduction that explores the book's not-so-subtle subtext. The novella has already gotten some great reviews (Norman Rubenstein calls it "an enormously entertaining modern tale of terror perhaps destined to become a future classic."), so you might enjoy it, too...if you're bent. Order The B*tchfight now from the publisher, and learn more about their other exclusive collectible editions: <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com">http://www.badmoonbooks.com</a> Read the reviews and find out much more: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight</a> [People who ordered the fancy hardcover edition of B*fight are getting a cool limited edition audio CD called "Live and Vile" that features outtakes from Audiovile and a live recording of my reading at Zombiefest 2007! Sorry to report it's already sold out, but you CAN still get Audiovile on cdbaby.com, iTunes, and now amazon.com. Visit the Audiovile page for links: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Multimedia">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Multimedia</a> ] MORE PROVERBS NEWS Shortly after I mailed the last issue of this newsletter, Dark Regions Press announced that they are releasing a special lettered edition of my book, Proverbs for Monsters, in addition to the limited hardcovers and paperback run. I received my copies and it is a very nice production; the hardcover is high quality with ribbon. With art by Matt Schuster, this short story collection is a "best of Arnzen" omnibus, featuring thirty short stories and even more poems selected from over the past fifteen years of my career, including new and very hard to find work. This book is probably the best overview of my writing currently available...and it just won a Bram Stoker Award! Learn all about this book here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> SLIP INTO THE FEARZONE Did you miss "Arnzen Week" at the awesome daily horror news site, Fearzone? Here's what they did: Arnzen Interview by the inimitable Jeff Strand <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen</a> Opening Chapter from The B*tchfight <a href="http://fearzone.com/blog/bitchfight-1">http://fearzone.com/blog/bitchfight-1</a> Review of The B*tchfight <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/macabre-bitchfight">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/macabre-bitchfight</a> MORE THAN JUST ZOMBIES AT THE HORROR MALL Horror Mall (the "Dark Oddities Emporium") is a fantastic new online store for lovers of all things horror and bizarror. Check out my author page there for some good deals on my books, some rare collectibles, and even a downloadable edition of my cd, Audiovile, for under $10! All purchases at the Horror Mall earn points for later discounts. [See the "Boo Coupons" department below for a special deal for Goreletter subscribers only!] Highly recommended for the true horror aficionado: <a href="https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html">https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html</a> EXQUISITE CORPSE WINS ANOTHER INDIE FILM AWARD Congratulations to producer Jim Minton for winning "Best Visual Effects" award at the 2007 Sansevieria Film Festival for his work on the film adaptation of my poetry and flash fiction, Exquisite Corpse! To purchase this DVD in the US send $15 + $2 shipping/handling via paypal to <a href="mailto:jiminton@swbell.net">jiminton@swbell.net</a> or mail a check/money order payable to Jim Minton to: Jim Minton Design Studio, 3339 Merrell Road, Dallas, TX, 75229. A printable order form is also available here, where you can learn all you need to know about this international horror-art film: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.ExquisiteCorpse">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.ExquisiteCorpse</a> AN ILL LAD AT THE ODYSSEY You can hear a snippet from my guest lecture last Summer (called "What's So Funny? Humor in Genre Writing") to students at the wonderful Odyssey SF/Fantasy Writing Workshop, along with other podcasts from writers talking about the craft here: <a href="http://www.sff.net/odyssey/podcasts.html">http://www.sff.net/odyssey/podcasts.html</a> GOODREADS BADREADS (You Know I've Had My Share) I'm on GoodReads now, too. Are you? <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/profile/Arnzen">http://www.goodreads.com/profile/Arnzen</a> [I like this site, but I'm still a fan of LibraryThing.com -- see the "Coupons" department for more information!] RUE MORGUE Look for a review of Proverbs for Monsters in this month's issue of Rue Morgue (March 2008). If you haven't read this great magazine on all things in horror entertainment, you can probably find it at your local newsstand, or visit: <a href="http://www.rue-morgue.com/">http://www.rue-morgue.com/</a> AND DON'T MISS THESE.... You Have Time For This: Contemporary American Short-Short stories (edited by Mark Budman and Tom Hazuka) is a knock-out anthology of literary flash fiction that includes my tale from 100 Jolts, "The Curse of Fat Face." Other familiar authors in this book include Bruce Holland Rogers, Marge Simon, and Bruce Boston. <a href="http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/you.html">http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/you.html</a> Licker: Novello Publishers still has only a handful (literally -- like, five) copies left of this limited run novella about a boy with an hallucinogenic tongue and the carnival freaks who want a taste of the action. Gross-out humor for the jaded horror fan looking for yet another book to put way up high on the shelf, out of sight. Revisit their webpage for some exciting new books to come in 2008: <a href="http://www.novellopublishers.com/">http://www.novellopublishers.com/</a> ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems Evolution of the Senses I want you to feel the air whistle and wheeze between the crackling bones behind your ears. The polite tap of my rock hammer is precise enough to provide a sort of kindness. As I peel away the eggshell shatter of skull you will feel as though I have unplugged a waxy ear that's been waiting all along to receive all these secret signals. Your senses evolve, you see, which makes the munching mouth sound all the worse, I know, but I won't apologize because I have developed a taste for it. ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Ragdoll Avalanche II It's a dance with death! A simple idea, "executed" quite nicely beneath a rainstorm of blades. <a href="http://www.ragdollsoft.com/ragdollavalanche/">http://www.ragdollsoft.com/ragdollavalanche/</a> ======================== DICTIONSCARY squalid "Squalid" refers to something filthy and repulsively foul -- like the living conditions of a cat collector with an affinity for gourmet cheese -- but to me it sounds even worse. When I hear the word "squalid" the very sound of the letters makes me think of a "squid" with a "wall" in the middle of it -- the wall of a nasal cavity. It also sounds sort of square, sort of solid, but not quite either of those -- more lumpy and slumping like some lesser Lovecraftian monstrosity. Yeah, Squalid is the younger brother of Nyarlathotep, but he isn't quite so scary -- he just sits on the couch all day, playing X-Box, festering in a pile of cookie crumbs and black ooze, sickly digging into an economy sized bag of Ctheetos every minute or two with a soiled tentacle, wiping the combined orange residue and ichor of his suction cups all over the arms of the sofa. As you can imagine, Squalid -- like most young tentacled creatures -- kind of smells bad, too. His older brother, "Squalor" is much smarter, an honor's student at Miskatonic U, majoring in Home Ick. He's currently on the Dean's List. <a href="http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=squalid">http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=squalid</a> ======================== WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH Third Party Candidates You Might Have Missed Elect General Zod <a href="http://www.zod2008.com/">http://www.zod2008.com/</a> Elect Cthulhu <a href="http://www.cthulhu.org/">http://www.cthulhu.org/</a> Elect Chuck <a href="http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56107">http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56107</a> Elect the Impaler <a href="http://www.columbiachronicle.com/paper/arts.php?id=3525">http://www.columbiachronicle.com/paper/arts.php?id=3525</a> BONUS: The Truth is Out There! <a href="http://www.presidentialufo.com/2008_election.htm">http://www.presidentialufo.com/2008_election.htm</a> [Thanks to Michael Marano -- <a href="http://www.mindspring.com/~profmike/">http://www.mindspring.com/~profmike/</a> -- for sharing the Zod link.] ======================== THE CONTESTATORIUM Halloween may seem like a lifetime ago, but that's the time I last sent out a Goreletter. So I owe you an update and a new contest! The winner of last issue's "Virtual Halloween Costume Contest" was author James Newman for his creepy family portrait. You can see his photo, and all the contestants, on myspace at <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Also be sure to drop by James' website to learn more about his new book, People Are Strange: <a href="http://www.james-newman.com/">http://www.james-newman.com/</a> I actually adored ALL the entries...so why did James win? Ultimately, it came down to the scenario of the photo. I liked the vampiric relationship implied by the couple, but it was the "eyeball with fangs" child that did it for me... it looks like something out of a Guns and Roses album cover...and how can the kid breath inside that mask? FREAKY! James wins a limited edition hardcover of Proverbs for Monsters, along with a DVD of Exquisite Corpse. It's time for a new contest. The prize? A scratch-and-dent copy of the hard to find Exquisite Corpse DVD! I have TWO to give away, and while the cases are damaged, the discs play fine. The rules? Easy: Post a funny caption under James Newman's contest winning entry on my Myspace page! I'll randomly choose two winners from the captions -- regardless of how funny they are (but they must TRY to be funny). Look under "pics" on my profile page: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> or e-mail to <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> your caption for the photo posted here and I'll post your caption for you: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/cat_dataerrata.html#022208">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/cat_dataerrata.html#022208</a> DEADLINE: MAY 1st 2008. Winner announced next issue, in early Summer. ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE Are You Gellin'? For your next movie night, rent: The Incredible Melting Man (Sachs, 1977) The Stuff (Cohen, 1985) Slime City (Lamberson, 1988) ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Workshop for Young Writers | Univ of Pittsburgh-Greensburg, PA I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer's workshop in speculative fiction for young writers of talent (ages 14-19), along with Chris McKitterick, Timothy Zahn, and Tamora Pierce. The deadline for applications has passed, but it's a good program, so if you're a high school-aged writer, look into it for next year! <a href="http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html">http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html</a> Oct 25-26th | Zombiefest 2008 | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA It returns! I'll be there. It's still too early to know details, but save the date, which will coincide with World Zombie Day! <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/</a> <a href="http://www.myspace.com/worldzombieday">http://www.myspace.com/worldzombieday</a> Sept 26-28 | Context-21 | Columbus, OH I'll be running a workshop on flash fiction writing and more at this excellent literary convention in Ohio. I was Horror Guest of Honor last year at Context and loved every minute of it. Other horror fiction notables in attendance this coming year include Guest of Honor Brian Keene, Gary Braunbeck, Tim Waggoner, Paula Guran and Lucy Snyder. <a href="http://www.contextsf.org/">http://www.contextsf.org/</a> ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Reverse the roles in an alien autopsy. + Choose an inanimate object from your kitchen cabinet. Give it a mouth. Allow it to unexpectedly speak one morning to a child while he is preparing his own breakfast. + Speculate on paper: If you were to eat your own brain matter, what do you think it would taste like? Describe it, appealing to the senses, evoking the texture and flavor. Then begin the next paragraph. See if you can keep going, unfolding a plot that explains why you would be eating your own brain to begin with. Don't force it...discover it. *** If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know and I'll mention it here! If you like working with twisted prompts, then you might enjoy the new site run by Matt and Natalie Duvall, called "The Write Way": <a href="http://www.thewriteway.org/">http://www.thewriteway.org/</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you liked AUDIOVILE ... you'll like HALL OF MIRRORS by Mike Bennett <a href="http://www.oneamongthesleepless.com/hallofmirrors.htm">http://www.oneamongthesleepless.com/hallofmirrors.htm</a> If you liked THE B*TCHFIGHT ... you'll like THE FEVER KILL by Tom Piccirilli <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/THE-FEVER-KILL-by-Tom-Piccirilli-p-16518.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/THE-FEVER-KILL-by-Tom-Piccirilli-p-16518.html</a> If you liked ON WRITING HORROR ... you'll enjoy LESSONS FROM A LIFETIME OF WRITING by David Morrell <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582971439/">http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582971439/</a> If you liked FREAKCIDENTS ... you'll like PHANTASMAPEDIA by Mark McLaughlin <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/PHANTASMAPEDIA-by-Mark-McLaughlin-p-16764.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/PHANTASMAPEDIA-by-Mark-McLaughlin-p-16764.html</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like SUCKERS by Jeff Strand and J.A. Konrath <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html</a> If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! Visit the Horror-Mall Swing on by the Horror Mall, where Goreletter readers can get 10% off on any purchase of BOOKS of $50 or more. When you check out with your online shopping cart, just enter coupon code: "Goreletter10" This is valid 1 time per customer. Expires 4-15-2008 Gila Queen's Guide to Markets WRITERS: Kathy Ptacek of the Gila Queen's Guide to Markets is offering a great discount to subscribers who write and want to keep up with the magazine and book markets. Gila Queen's guide often features meaty articles about publishing (including the occassional essay by Arnzen) along with the most up-to-date guidelines and insider news you'll find anywhere. Usually a 20-issue subscription is $20, but you can get a trial rate of ten issues for just $8. Paypal $8 to <a href="mailto:katptacek@yahoo.com">katptacek@yahoo.com</a> (be sure to mention the "Arnzen Goreletter Discount" in the comment field) or send a check payable to "Kathy Ptacek" to: Arnzen Goreletter Offer c/o Gila Queen's Guide To Markets, PO Box 97, Newton, NJ 07860-0097. Expires 4-30-2008 Dark Cloud Press Thou Shalt Not Overlook this Bargain! Dark Cloud Press is offering a huge discount to subscribers who want to get a copy of Thou Shalt Not -- an anthology of horror and crime stories involving the 10 Commandments (including my own story, "Blasphemebus") -- for half price! Visit <a href="http://www.darkcloudpress.com/Buy_Thou_Shalt_Not.htm">http://www.darkcloudpress.com/Buy_Thou_Shalt_Not.htm</a> and enter code "goreletter" in the shopping cart's Voucher field to get 50% off the cover price! Expires 4-30-2008. LibraryThing LibraryThing.com is STILL graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" free membership to Goreletter subscribers (this offer ends after twenty people take advantage of it). See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and snoop around in my personal library, to learn more about this great site for book hoarders. To get your free unlimited account, all you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only). I'm surprised that more people haven't leapt on this offer. Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS include the McSweeney's Joke Book, Romance fiction by Tess Gerritsen, horror and fantasy stories by Angeline Hawkes, and also Apex Science Fiction and Horror magazine! Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2008 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 38. Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or just add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/blog/">http://www.gorelets.com/blog/</a> Visit MySpace for lots of pictures, sounds, and doohickeys: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS We'll Manage "If death had only negative aspects, dying would be an unmanageable action." --Emile M. Cioran (died 1995) ======================== -- The following information is a reminder of your current mailing list subscription: You are subscribed to the following list: The Goreletter using the following email: example@example.com You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL: <<a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt</a>; If the above URL is inoperable, make sure that you have copied the entire address. Some mail readers will wrap a long URL and thus break this automatic unsubscribe mechanism. 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The Goreletter 5.01: Cold Cuts

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 20:04:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 5.01, Oct 19, 2007 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Cold Cuts One of the ways I entertain myself when I stand in line at the local sandwich shop chain is by watching the cold cut artists behind the counter as they prepare my meal. They arrange the order line so you can customize your sandwich as they create it, dictating what toppings and sauces you'd like to include in your meal. It makes you feel special. But me? I'm fascinated by the open display of butchery and cold meat. Standing behind the sneeze guard glass makes me feel like I'm in a surgical theater, watching doctors operate as they slice bread with their long knives and handle meaty tissue in their latex-covered hands. They spritz and drizzle dressing along the cut like they're cleansing an open, foot-long wound. Sometimes it's a messy affair, when the sandwich spills its contents across the counter like the mess you'd see on a coroner's table during a lunch break. But I forget all that as they wrap up the meal in paper, twisting it up tourniquet-tight, like they were saving a bleeding leg. Those creepy latex gloves they wear. That's what sends me into this fantasy. And they don't change them often. They don't scrub in. They don't sterilize their instruments. They might put on fresh gloves when you place your order, but they rarely change them when they pick up a dirty butcher's knife handle or press a button on a crisping oven or a microphone transmitter to the drive-thru window, or -- worst of all -- handling the cash register or all your filthy lucre before they are finished making your meal. It's like they think the gloves are there to protect their hands, rather than the sanitation of your sandwich. And eating all that contact residue is like -- I dunno -- like you're on the subway, licking the seats or something. *** I fear raw meat and cold cuts. For more of my opinions on such culinary delights, here's an oldie from The Goreletter: <a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/goreletter/20030324120000/">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/goreletter/20030324120000/</a> ======================== WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH They Eat People I Eat People: Animated Video by Dan Hess <a href="http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/iep.html">http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/iep.html</a> Cannibal Corpse Lounge Music: YouTube Parody by unknown lounge act <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc-V3NYckOI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc-V3NYckOI</a> Why Dost Thou Love to Eat People?: YouTube weirdness by anonymous guitar-playing vampire freak <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2qduBHImF4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2qduBHImF4</a> (this too has been parodied...badly) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty2Tub2zhFk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty2Tub2zhFk</a> ======================== ARNZEN NEWS EXQUISITE CORPSE: NOW ON DVD Exquisite Corpse: Films Based on the Writing of Michael Arnzen is now available on DVD. To purchase in the US send $17 ($15 + $2 shipping/handling) via PayPal to <a href="mailto:jiminton@swbell.net">jiminton@swbell.net</a> or mail a check/money order payable to Jim Minton to: Jim Minton Design Studio, 3339 Merrell Road, Dallas, TX, 75229. AWARD PICK: A WITCHY FOR THE SCAB Producer Jim Minton just received a 2007 Tabloid Witch Award for "Best Animated Horror Short" for his adaptation of my poem, "The Scab" (which some of you might recall from the Stoker-winning poetry book, Freakcidents, if you didn't see it in Exquisite Corpse). The film will be screened at the Santa Monica Public Library on Halloween weekend and an encore screening will take place at Loscon convention in Los Angeles on Thanksgiving weekend. Congratulations, Jim! Tabloid Witch Awards: <a href="http://www.hollywoodinvestigator.com/2007/horrorfilm2007.htm">http://www.hollywoodinvestigator.com/2007/horrorfilm2007.htm</a> Exquisite Corpse: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/exquisitecorpsemovie">http://www.myspace.com/exquisitecorpsemovie</a> AUDIOVILE: MUSIC TO YOUR FEARS My "album of flash fiction" set to music, Audiovile, is now available at numerous outlets -- from iTunes to cdbaby.com -- in both downloadable and audio CD format. This disc was released last month by Raw Dog Screaming Press as a sort of illuminated audiobook companion to the expanded hardcover edition of 100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories, which also just came out from them. Check out the samples on gorelets.com and do post a review somewhere to help me spread the word, if you like it. Here are some primary links to learn more: Publisher's Page: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html</a> Gorelets' portal to all things Audiovile: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile</a> 100 Jolts on Amazon: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/100-Jolts-Shockingly-Short-Stories/dp/1933293292/">http://www.amazon.com/100-Jolts-Shockingly-Short-Stories/dp/1933293292/</a> HOW TO GROW A PSEUDOPOD Pseudopod: The Sound of Horror has just podcast my short story, "How to Grow a Man-Eating Plant" (read by Sheila Unwin). Listen online or subscribe through iTunes and start gardening now. <a href="http://pseudopod.org/2007/10/18/flash-how-to-grow-a-man-eating-plant/">http://pseudopod.org/2007/10/18/flash-how-to-grow-a-man-eating-plant/</a> AN ARNZEN OMNIBUS: PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS You're hearing it first: Dark Regions Press now has signed trade paperback copies of my latest collection, Proverbs for Monsters, available for order direct from the publisher. With art by Matt Schuster, this "best of Arnzen" collection features thirty short stories and even more poems selected from over the past fifteen years, including new and very hard to find work. This book is probably the best overview of my writing available. Dark Regions will also be releasing a hardcover signed limited edition very soon. Proverbs will soon be available on amazon.com and at other outlets, but your best bet is to order from the publisher: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> DEALT OUT Raw Dog Screaming Press reports that my novel, Play Dead, is now officially out of print and virtually all copies are sold out from their warehouse. You should easily still be able to find it on the secondary market, but it won't be around forever. Likewise, Novello Publishers is also reporting that they have only a handful (or is it a mouthful?) of my comedic novelette, Licker, left in stock (see "boo coupons" below for your last chance to get a copy). Play Dead: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com</a> Licker: <a href="http://www.novellopublishing.com">http://www.novellopublishing.com</a> HOWLING AT THE MOON I'm presently revising a new story for a collectible chapbook (tentatively called "The B**chfight"), to be published this fall by Bad Moon Books. The limited edition will feature an EP of new readings, remixes of Audiovile tracks, and live recordings on a CD. Keep your eyes on Bad Moon's website for breaking news in the months ahead: <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com">http://www.badmoonbooks.com</a> YOU HAVE TIME FOR THIS You Have Time For This: Contemporary American Short-Short stories (edited by Mark Budman and Tom Hazuka) is a new anthology of flash fiction that includes my tale from 100 Jolts, "The Curse of Fat Face." <a href="http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/youhave.html">http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/youhave.html</a> ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems My Pet Vampire Tight as a tick to a scalp, I keep my vampire nailed down to the floor in my bedroom. His arms are stretched pale and flabby as the hairy little bat I know he wishes he could turn into when I see him squinching his lupine brow and grunting like he's constipated. But the nails won't set him free from the clock-handed impalement of his limbs. Maybe he could transform into a flying rodent but he's stretched so tight, the tension between those silver spikes would only split him right in two. I keep him fed with stray pet blood and sometimes he acts like he loves me for it -- cooing like he's the one stray I kept, the one pet I cared enough about to take in, the lucky survivor I won't kill. At other times -- usually at night when I peek over the bed before sleep -- his eyes quiver ablaze and he stares right at me like some starving feral animal caught in a barbed wire fence. Asleep, I dream of torture -- of drizzling holy water left-right across pasty dead flesh, drawing cross-shaped wounds in the gray canvas of skin. I dream of taking needle nose pliers to teeth before teasing him with my bare wrist and strained neck. But in the morning, the sunlight blares into the windowpane, fizzling his face and he screams like a drowning hyena. It's annoying. And as I close the curtains I deeply wish I could just finish him off, but this supernatural sundial is the best alarm clock I ever had. ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES (TONIGHT!) Oct 19th 7:30pm | BottleWorks | Johnstown, PA Poetry reading along with Gerry LaFemina [gerrylafemina.net] at the Bottle Works Ethnic Arts Center (3rd Avenue & Chestnut in Cambria City), sponsored by the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown. Free event, open to the public. <a href="http://www.bottleworks.org/">http://www.bottleworks.org/</a> (TOMORROW NIGHT!) Oct 20th 8-10pm | Dv8 Espresso Bar & Art Gallery | Greensburg, PA Come kick off the Halloween season by watching me gargle piping hot coffee while reading horror stories as the featured reader in the "Get Lit" series of literary performances at this wonderful art gallery in Downtown Greensburg (208 S. Pennsylvania Ave). While you're there check out Nora Jayne Thompson's very cool macabre art series, The Rots. Free and open to the public. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/dv8espressobarandgallery">http://www.myspace.com/dv8espressobarandgallery</a> [The Rots: <a href="http://www.the-rots.blogspot.com/">http://www.the-rots.blogspot.com/</a> ] (NEXT WEEKEND!) Oct 27-28th | Zombiefest | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA I'll be reading on a panel and signing books at the Raw Dog Screaming Press table during this brand new Convention of the Undead, which culminates with an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest "zombie walk" through the Monroeville Mall -- the actual location for the original Romero film, Dawn of the Dead! My panel (with Greg Lamberson and Scott Johnson) is at 2pm on Saturday; other attendees include Gary Braunbeck, Kim Paffenroth, and Max Brooks. <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm</a> Nov 10th | PARSEC Lecture | Carnegie Library (Squirrel Hill Branch), Pittsburgh, PA Presentation on "Exquisite Corpse in Print and Film" to the Pittsburgh Area Science Fiction Enthusiasts Club. Members only, but it's just $15 at the door to join. <a href="http://www.parsec-sff.org/">http://www.parsec-sff.org/</a> Nov 30th 4pm | Seton Hill University, Administration Building Rm 308 | Greensburg, PA Screening of Exquisite Corpse and a presentation of my recent creative work to the campus community (where I teach in the MA degree program in Writing Popular Fiction). Free and open to the public. <a href="http://www.setonhill.edu/o/index.cfm?PID=3&PRID=1282">http://www.setonhill.edu/o/index.cfm?PID=3&PRID=1282</a> <a href="http://fiction.setonhill.edu">http://fiction.setonhill.edu</a> July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Writing Workshop for Teens | Greensburg, PA I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer's workshop in speculative fiction for young writers of talent. I mention it now only because applications need to be sent in early to get a seat, if you qualify. <a href="http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html">http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html</a> Chances are good I'll also attend the ICFA and World Horror Convention in Spring 2008. <a href="http://iafa.org/">http://iafa.org/</a> <a href="http://www.whc2008.org">http://www.whc2008.org</a> ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Face Dances Mono-1.com (a progressive advertising agency) has posted a fun "mix and match" game where you can assemble all the elements of the human head into a freaky photorealistic picture. They say there are 760,000 possible "monofaces" you can make with the various random mash-ups of eyes, noses, mouths, and hair/shoulders. Create your own mutants and have a ball. <a href="http://www.mono-1.com/monoface/main.html">http://www.mono-1.com/monoface/main.html</a> ======================== DICTIONSCARY suppurate If I didn't know any better, I'd think that "suppurate" described the after-effect of a satisfying dinner. A term for how you satisfied, sated, and sedated you feel when you sit on the couch after, say, a Thanksgiving meal, opening your belt. But no: "suppurate" is the fancy word we reserve to describe pustular discharge. Slimy, often freakishly yellow, leakage. The putrid rot that spills from a burst boil or infected blister. It comes from the Latin term "puris" which means "pus" though there's nothing pure about it, since pus is surely disgusting. I have a friend who once argued with me that "pus" is incorrect; that it's actually spelled "puss." I asked him how his cat was doing. He said "Fine, she's even purring on my lap right now." If I was smart, I would have replied "Sup-purr-ating, maybe." ======================== THE CONTESTATORIUM The winners of the "Be My Audiovillain" contest from last issue are DW Green and Michael Shrum. Both of these guys did a lot to help spread the word about the launch of the Audiovile CD, and also created some wonderful artwork. They won collectible decks of "Play Dead" playing cards and the original proofs for my story, Licker, along with other rare items and a gift certificate to Shocklines. Thanks to everyone who participated! Visit the "pics" section of the Arnzen profile page on myspace.com to see the collection of "fan art" that features their contributions, and those by other readers. There are some hilarious images on there (I think the "Domestic Fowl" image by Shrum is my present favorite). PLEASE CONTINUE to send in your own artwork inspired by anything I've written, and I'll share it with the world on that page! I really love fan art. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> VIRTUAL HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST! This one ought to be easy and your chances of winning are good! Send me a photo (whether at a party, on your doorstep, or whatever) of someone/anyone/you in costume. It doesn't HAVE to be a Halloween photo, but I imagine that would be the easiest time to take a picture. (I will post your photos online at myspace.com, so entering this contest grants me one-time online publishing rights to your photograph). Rules: Deadline: November 5th (do send before or on Halloween if you're able) Preferred format: .jpg file (may be re-sized for space) Size limit: 1.4 megabytes SEND TO: <a href="mailto:arnzen@gmail.com">arnzen@gmail.com</a> Horror imagery preferred. Points for creativity, craft, and use of scenario/scenery. Bonus points for incorporating any Arnzen-related paraphernalia in your shot (holding a book, dressing up like a character, whatever). Try to keep the imagery below an R rating please, since little kiddies read my stuff sometimes and I don't want my site to get censored/banned/etc. by the powers that be. (I will not publish nudity, drug references, or other images that I'm not comfortable sharing with the public.) ONE GRAND PRIZE TO MY FAVORITE PHOTO: A free signed limited hardcover copy of PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS upon release ($50 value!) & one DVD of EXQUISITE CORPSE ($17 value!) with autographed Arnzen ephemera inserted in the clamshell case. ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE Office Space Terrors For your next movie night, rent: The Temp (Holland, 1993) Office Killer (Sherman, 1997) Netherbeast Incorporated (Ronalds, 2007) (or The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc. (2004)) ======================== OTHINGS (*other things) CHATTER Last month I was a guest blogger for a week on the website, "A Bunch of Wordz." Host Edie Montgomery gave me free reign to post about random things that I might normally post in The Goreletter, if I ran it as a regular blog instead of a newsletter. Topics included the role of music in the creative process, an analysis of suspense in a comic strip, a riff on a Poppy Z. Brite story, and wordplay with the seven deadly sins. Her next guest blogger will be paranormal suspense author Kelley Armstrong, posting on Oct 28-30th. If interested, you can review my posts here: <a href="http://abunchofwordz.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/michael-a-arnzen-thanks-and-index/">http://abunchofwordz.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/michael-a-arnzen-thanks-and-index/</a> Here's an interview about horror that appeared in At Home with Jennifer (a regional magazine similar to Oprah), called "Dr. Dread: Seton Hill University Has its Own Professor of Horror": <a href="http://www.athomewithjennifermagazine.com/current_month/home_library.php">http://www.athomewithjennifermagazine.com/current_month/home_library.php</a> Around Halloween, you can also read my conversation with author Michael Sims' about fear and writing in his great "Creative Approach" column in Rezoom magazine: <a href="https://www.rezoom.com/entertainment/creative-approach/">https://www.rezoom.com/entertainment/creative-approach/</a> You should definitely pick up Michael Sims' witty and insightful books, by the way. Especially "Apollo's Fire" which was just published by Viking: <a href="http://www.michaelsimsbooks.com/default.htm">http://www.michaelsimsbooks.com/default.htm</a> CONTEXT I was the "Horror Guest of Honor" at Context Convention in Columbus, OH last month. This was my first time being a special guest at a con, and I had an enormously enjoyable time. Context is a science-fiction/fantasy convention that leans toward the literary side of the equation, with daily writer's workshops (I ran one on writing genre poetry), readings, panels on books and academia, and guest interviews. It was a blast hanging around with a herd of writers I know -- a list that is too long to mention here -- and getting to meet some new friends. One of the highlights for me was chatting with Gary Braunbeck, who hosted a Saturday night conversation with me. We talked about all things horror, I confessed about my past, we listened to tracks from Audiovile, and we screened short films. We not only watched Exquisite Corpse, but Gary was kind enough to share an advanced screener of the upcoming film based on his knock-out short story, "Rami Temporalis," called "One of Those Faces" (adaptation by Earl Newton). You absolutely MUST see Gary's story on film when its released to the public, and check out the wonderful creativity displayed by Newton at Stranger Things TV: <a href="http://www.strangerthings.tv/">http://www.strangerthings.tv/</a> Context is a great, intimate and even educational conference. Their website is: <a href="http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/">http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/</a> You can see photos from Context 20 on my myspace page or at Heidi Ruby Miller's weblog: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> or <a href="http://ambasadora.livejournal.com/146100.html">http://ambasadora.livejournal.com/146100.html</a> GORELETS.COM UPDATE Welcome to the fifth volume of The Goreletter! I've been running this internet sideshow for over five years now, and it remains a blast to put together. Almost 2000 people read this whenever I send it out (and I'd love to have more readers, so please spread the word)! Thank you for subscribing and reading for all these years, and for continuing to support my creative sickness. When I sent the last issue (July 18, 2007), I received a number of "bounced" messages, especially from hotmail. If you didn't get yours, drop by the archives to see what you missed. And do make sure gorelets.com is not ending up in your spam folders. <a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi?flavor=archive;list=goreletter">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi?flavor=archive;list=goreletter</a> I may be changing servers in the months ahead, which might produce a temporary outage on the website. If I need to change domains, I will e-mail you first to alert you. I'm also seriously considering expanding The Goreletter into a book of some kind in the year ahead. If anyone has any leads on an ideal publisher who might be interested in such a venture, by all means, please let me know. For now, a few choice pieces from The Goreletter will appear in my new "best of Arnzen" collection, Proverbs for Monsters, mentioned elsewhere in this issue. I do hope you'll pick that up in support of this newsletter, which does take up a good deal of my writing time. It may be awhile until you get the next issue, because I'm in the middle of writing a very weird novel and I need to keep the fire blazing on that. So if I'm late, keep checking the Goreletter weblog for updates as time passes and know that I remain committed to publishing The Goreletter as an e-mail missive well into the future, perhaps in perpetuity, for free. ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Write a story from the viewpoint of a groundskeeper at the graveyard -- avoiding any of the typical trappings of the horror genre. Make it mundane, even. Avoid using speculative fiction technique at all until you get to page three. Then, if you need to jazz things up, let her rip. + Devise a plot surrounding a schoolyard bully...when he's elderly, in the nursing home. + Describe a tuft of stiff hair that has grown in a very unexpected place on your main character's body. *** If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know and I'll mention it here! Congratulations this time around to D.W. Green, for his story "Surgical Puppet Theater," which will appear in the upcoming anthology, Darkened Horizons. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/kimchiandtheflyingfish">http://www.myspace.com/kimchiandtheflyingfish</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work that you may not have heard of before. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you liked GRAVE MARKINGS ... you'll like THE BONE PARADE by Mark Nykanen <a href="http://www.marknykanen.com/html/books.html">http://www.marknykanen.com/html/books.html</a> If you liked 100 JOLTS ... you'll like SPIDER PIE by Alyssa Sturgill <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/spiderpie.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/spiderpie.html</a> If you liked AUDIOVILE ... you'll like GONZO SCIENCE by Jim Richardson <a href="http://cdbaby.com/cd/gonzosci">http://cdbaby.com/cd/gonzosci</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like GLEEFULLY MACABRE TALES by Jeff Strand <a href="https://www.deliriumbooks.com/catalog/product.php?productid=70&cat=1&page=1">https://www.deliriumbooks.com/catalog/product.php?productid=70&cat=1&page=1</a> If you liked PLAY DEAD ... you'll like THE SCALDING ROOMS by Conrad Williams <a href="http://store.pspublishing.co.uk/acatalog/the_scalding_rooms_hc.html">http://store.pspublishing.co.uk/acatalog/the_scalding_rooms_hc.html</a> If you liked EXQUISITE CORPSE ... you'll like EXPERIMENTS IN TERROR 1 & 2 compiled by Other Cinema <a href="http://www.othercinemadvd.com/experiments.html">http://www.othercinemadvd.com/experiments.html</a> If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! LAST LICKS In an effort to move the last few copies of my chapbook, Licker, out of their warehouse, Novello Publishers is offering Goreletter subscribers a special "buy Licker, get one book free" offer. Order Licker and they'll send you a free copy of either Two Twisted Nuts by Jeff Strand and Nick Cato or Right House on the Left by Steve Vernon, Mark McLaughlin, & L.L. Soares (choose your favorite). As a bonus, they'll ALSO throw in a free copy of Dark Jesters -- their one-shot humorous horror fanzine, featuring stories by Lucy Snyder, Mark McLaughlin, Tom Moran, and others! That's a $19.00 value for just $10.00 -- postage paid! You have to order it by regular mail: follow the ordering instructions on their website and mention the "Novello Publisher's Licker Deal" along with which chapbook you'd like, and don't forget to include your delivery address. <a href="http://www.novellopublishers.com/orderpage.html">http://www.novellopublishers.com/orderpage.html</a> LIBRARYTHING LibraryThing.com is still graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" free membership to Goreletter subscribers (this offer ends after twenty people take advantage of it). See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and snoop around in my personal library, to learn more about this great site for book hoarders. To get your free unlimited account, all you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only). Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS include a few Raw Dog Screaming Press titles, like Vacation by Jeremy Shipp, Your Point Is? by Steve Aylett and Discouraging at Best by John Edward Lawson! Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2007 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 37. Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or just add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/</a> Visit Arnzen's space for pictures, sounds, and doohickeys: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS Look Out, Cannibals! "When the fish were opened, I saw smaller fish taken out of their stomachs; then thought I, 'If you eat one another, I don't see why we mayn't eat you.'...So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do." -- Benjamin Franklin (died 1790) ========================

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