The Goreletter

The Goreletter 5.02: Grim Henzen Productions

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:03:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 5.02 | Apr 2, 2008 +++ ======================== NEWSFLASH: PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS WINS 2007 BRAM STOKER AWARD for "Superior Achievement in a Fiction Collection" Tied with Peter Straub for his book, 5 STORIES Thanks to everyone who read, voted, and sent me kind words. I'm still in disbelief. What a year! Congratulations to all the winners and nominees...I recommend all of their books. -- Michael Arnzen The Stoker Award Winners: <a href="http://horror.org/news-2007stokerwinners.htm">http://horror.org/news-2007stokerwinners.htm</a> My Acceptance Speech (read by Weston Ochse at HWA Banquet): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-StokerAcceptance-2008.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/Arnzen-StokerAcceptance-2008.htm</a> All About Proverbs for Monsters: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Grim Henzen Productions Wormit the Legless Frog Everybody's lovable green buddy crawls back from the grave on his two lanky arms, his backside grotesquely tapered much like the tadpole he once was. He haunts the parking lots of French restaurants...and in his nasal-congested voice cries out for "leggggsss!" He leaves a snotty trail behind him. He is frequently run over by cars. Googee Monster He chaotically throws fistfuls of cookies into his mouth, munching wildly, growling "Gooooogeeee." Sometimes you can see his razor-sharp teeth cutting into his own bloody gums. And sometimes you see human fingers jumbling in the mouth fuzz, and they're not the puppeteer's. Clownt von Clownt Combining the worst elements of a vampire and a clown, Clownt von Clownt's lofty domed forehead broods above the eyes and mouth painted not with grease but with the blood of the innocent. But he is tortured with immortal irony. He loads the chambers of his revolver with five blanks and one live round, playing Russian Roulette in front of the camera. "Uh-one," click. "Uh-two," click! "Uh-three...," BAM! And the pointy teeth go flying. Big Dead Bird His yellow feathers are fading and falling out. Patches of death-pale gooseflesh are visible everywhere. But worse: large earthworms writhe in his Big Rib Cage. His enormous eyes are always closed. He smells. Badly. The children avoid him. Shuffleupeatus This shy wooly mammoth is oh so cute...and everyone thinks he's just Big Dead Bird's imaginary friend, until he shuffles up within trunk-grabbing distance of you. His trunk is always larger than the children calculate. He teaches them how to count with each determined mash of their bones between his perfect, poisonous tusks. They never really get past three. Burnie and Dirt Burnie died in the apartment building fire, but now he's back from the grave along with his old pal Dirt, his old roommate, who he now carries around in a funerary urn. Dirt perpetually reminds Burnie that the fire was all his fault and that he warned him and he should have listened...when he's not otherwise whining about having to share his urn with Rubber Duckie. Together they roam the streets, forever homeless, seeking a bathtub. Scar the Grump There's nothing but scabrous tissue where you thought you'd see lips. He's still a grouch, but at least his nonstop complaining is less annoying, all mumbles and muffled screams behind that stretchy scab where his mouth should have been. His trashcan abode bears the placard for biomedical waste. Smellmo No one wants to tickle this stinky scab-colored creature (especially not in those nasty underarms), but that doesn't stop this monstrosity from sitting in the alleyway, tickling himself in the dark shadows, chortling with perverse glee. O-ver This skinny blue corpse dons his grim reaper cowl and scythe. He has come back to the Street, with a lesson to teach the little ones.... *** Related: Tickle Me Emo: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nRNYG_xM2U">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nRNYG_xM2U</a> ======================== ARNZEN NEWS THE FIGHT IS ON, DAWG! The B*tchfight is my latest novella, published in trade and collectible hardcover, mailing this week from Bad Moon Books. Brian Hodge (author of Mad Dogs) provides an wonderful introduction that explores the book's not-so-subtle subtext. The novella has already gotten some great reviews (Norman Rubenstein calls it "an enormously entertaining modern tale of terror perhaps destined to become a future classic."), so you might enjoy it, too...if you're bent. Order The B*tchfight now from the publisher, and learn more about their other exclusive collectible editions: <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com">http://www.badmoonbooks.com</a> Read the reviews and find out much more: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.TheBitchfight</a> [People who ordered the fancy hardcover edition of B*fight are getting a cool limited edition audio CD called "Live and Vile" that features outtakes from Audiovile and a live recording of my reading at Zombiefest 2007! Sorry to report it's already sold out, but you CAN still get Audiovile on cdbaby.com, iTunes, and now amazon.com. Visit the Audiovile page for links: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Multimedia">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Multimedia</a> ] MORE PROVERBS NEWS Shortly after I mailed the last issue of this newsletter, Dark Regions Press announced that they are releasing a special lettered edition of my book, Proverbs for Monsters, in addition to the limited hardcovers and paperback run. I received my copies and it is a very nice production; the hardcover is high quality with ribbon. With art by Matt Schuster, this short story collection is a "best of Arnzen" omnibus, featuring thirty short stories and even more poems selected from over the past fifteen years of my career, including new and very hard to find work. This book is probably the best overview of my writing currently available...and it just won a Bram Stoker Award! Learn all about this book here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> SLIP INTO THE FEARZONE Did you miss "Arnzen Week" at the awesome daily horror news site, Fearzone? Here's what they did: Arnzen Interview by the inimitable Jeff Strand <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/mike-arnzen</a> Opening Chapter from The B*tchfight <a href="http://fearzone.com/blog/bitchfight-1">http://fearzone.com/blog/bitchfight-1</a> Review of The B*tchfight <a href="http://www.fearzone.com/blog/macabre-bitchfight">http://www.fearzone.com/blog/macabre-bitchfight</a> MORE THAN JUST ZOMBIES AT THE HORROR MALL Horror Mall (the "Dark Oddities Emporium") is a fantastic new online store for lovers of all things horror and bizarror. Check out my author page there for some good deals on my books, some rare collectibles, and even a downloadable edition of my cd, Audiovile, for under $10! All purchases at the Horror Mall earn points for later discounts. [See the "Boo Coupons" department below for a special deal for Goreletter subscribers only!] Highly recommended for the true horror aficionado: <a href="https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html">https://www.horror-mall.com/Michael-Arnzen-p-1-c-359.html</a> EXQUISITE CORPSE WINS ANOTHER INDIE FILM AWARD Congratulations to producer Jim Minton for winning "Best Visual Effects" award at the 2007 Sansevieria Film Festival for his work on the film adaptation of my poetry and flash fiction, Exquisite Corpse! To purchase this DVD in the US send $15 + $2 shipping/handling via paypal to <a href="mailto:jiminton@swbell.net">jiminton@swbell.net</a> or mail a check/money order payable to Jim Minton to: Jim Minton Design Studio, 3339 Merrell Road, Dallas, TX, 75229. A printable order form is also available here, where you can learn all you need to know about this international horror-art film: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.ExquisiteCorpse">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.ExquisiteCorpse</a> AN ILL LAD AT THE ODYSSEY You can hear a snippet from my guest lecture last Summer (called "What's So Funny? Humor in Genre Writing") to students at the wonderful Odyssey SF/Fantasy Writing Workshop, along with other podcasts from writers talking about the craft here: <a href="http://www.sff.net/odyssey/podcasts.html">http://www.sff.net/odyssey/podcasts.html</a> GOODREADS BADREADS (You Know I've Had My Share) I'm on GoodReads now, too. Are you? <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/profile/Arnzen">http://www.goodreads.com/profile/Arnzen</a> [I like this site, but I'm still a fan of LibraryThing.com -- see the "Coupons" department for more information!] RUE MORGUE Look for a review of Proverbs for Monsters in this month's issue of Rue Morgue (March 2008). If you haven't read this great magazine on all things in horror entertainment, you can probably find it at your local newsstand, or visit: <a href="http://www.rue-morgue.com/">http://www.rue-morgue.com/</a> AND DON'T MISS THESE.... You Have Time For This: Contemporary American Short-Short stories (edited by Mark Budman and Tom Hazuka) is a knock-out anthology of literary flash fiction that includes my tale from 100 Jolts, "The Curse of Fat Face." Other familiar authors in this book include Bruce Holland Rogers, Marge Simon, and Bruce Boston. <a href="http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/you.html">http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/you.html</a> Licker: Novello Publishers still has only a handful (literally -- like, five) copies left of this limited run novella about a boy with an hallucinogenic tongue and the carnival freaks who want a taste of the action. Gross-out humor for the jaded horror fan looking for yet another book to put way up high on the shelf, out of sight. Revisit their webpage for some exciting new books to come in 2008: <a href="http://www.novellopublishers.com/">http://www.novellopublishers.com/</a> ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems Evolution of the Senses I want you to feel the air whistle and wheeze between the crackling bones behind your ears. The polite tap of my rock hammer is precise enough to provide a sort of kindness. As I peel away the eggshell shatter of skull you will feel as though I have unplugged a waxy ear that's been waiting all along to receive all these secret signals. Your senses evolve, you see, which makes the munching mouth sound all the worse, I know, but I won't apologize because I have developed a taste for it. ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Ragdoll Avalanche II It's a dance with death! A simple idea, "executed" quite nicely beneath a rainstorm of blades. <a href="http://www.ragdollsoft.com/ragdollavalanche/">http://www.ragdollsoft.com/ragdollavalanche/</a> ======================== DICTIONSCARY squalid "Squalid" refers to something filthy and repulsively foul -- like the living conditions of a cat collector with an affinity for gourmet cheese -- but to me it sounds even worse. When I hear the word "squalid" the very sound of the letters makes me think of a "squid" with a "wall" in the middle of it -- the wall of a nasal cavity. It also sounds sort of square, sort of solid, but not quite either of those -- more lumpy and slumping like some lesser Lovecraftian monstrosity. Yeah, Squalid is the younger brother of Nyarlathotep, but he isn't quite so scary -- he just sits on the couch all day, playing X-Box, festering in a pile of cookie crumbs and black ooze, sickly digging into an economy sized bag of Ctheetos every minute or two with a soiled tentacle, wiping the combined orange residue and ichor of his suction cups all over the arms of the sofa. As you can imagine, Squalid -- like most young tentacled creatures -- kind of smells bad, too. His older brother, "Squalor" is much smarter, an honor's student at Miskatonic U, majoring in Home Ick. He's currently on the Dean's List. <a href="http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=squalid">http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=squalid</a> ======================== WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH Third Party Candidates You Might Have Missed Elect General Zod <a href="http://www.zod2008.com/">http://www.zod2008.com/</a> Elect Cthulhu <a href="http://www.cthulhu.org/">http://www.cthulhu.org/</a> Elect Chuck <a href="http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56107">http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56107</a> Elect the Impaler <a href="http://www.columbiachronicle.com/paper/arts.php?id=3525">http://www.columbiachronicle.com/paper/arts.php?id=3525</a> BONUS: The Truth is Out There! <a href="http://www.presidentialufo.com/2008_election.htm">http://www.presidentialufo.com/2008_election.htm</a> [Thanks to Michael Marano -- <a href="http://www.mindspring.com/~profmike/">http://www.mindspring.com/~profmike/</a> -- for sharing the Zod link.] ======================== THE CONTESTATORIUM Halloween may seem like a lifetime ago, but that's the time I last sent out a Goreletter. So I owe you an update and a new contest! The winner of last issue's "Virtual Halloween Costume Contest" was author James Newman for his creepy family portrait. You can see his photo, and all the contestants, on myspace at <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Also be sure to drop by James' website to learn more about his new book, People Are Strange: <a href="http://www.james-newman.com/">http://www.james-newman.com/</a> I actually adored ALL the entries...so why did James win? Ultimately, it came down to the scenario of the photo. I liked the vampiric relationship implied by the couple, but it was the "eyeball with fangs" child that did it for me... it looks like something out of a Guns and Roses album cover...and how can the kid breath inside that mask? FREAKY! James wins a limited edition hardcover of Proverbs for Monsters, along with a DVD of Exquisite Corpse. It's time for a new contest. The prize? A scratch-and-dent copy of the hard to find Exquisite Corpse DVD! I have TWO to give away, and while the cases are damaged, the discs play fine. The rules? Easy: Post a funny caption under James Newman's contest winning entry on my Myspace page! I'll randomly choose two winners from the captions -- regardless of how funny they are (but they must TRY to be funny). Look under "pics" on my profile page: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> or e-mail to <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> your caption for the photo posted here and I'll post your caption for you: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/cat_dataerrata.html#022208">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/cat_dataerrata.html#022208</a> DEADLINE: MAY 1st 2008. Winner announced next issue, in early Summer. ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE Are You Gellin'? For your next movie night, rent: The Incredible Melting Man (Sachs, 1977) The Stuff (Cohen, 1985) Slime City (Lamberson, 1988) ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Workshop for Young Writers | Univ of Pittsburgh-Greensburg, PA I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer's workshop in speculative fiction for young writers of talent (ages 14-19), along with Chris McKitterick, Timothy Zahn, and Tamora Pierce. The deadline for applications has passed, but it's a good program, so if you're a high school-aged writer, look into it for next year! <a href="http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html">http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html</a> Oct 25-26th | Zombiefest 2008 | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA It returns! I'll be there. It's still too early to know details, but save the date, which will coincide with World Zombie Day! <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/</a> <a href="http://www.myspace.com/worldzombieday">http://www.myspace.com/worldzombieday</a> Sept 26-28 | Context-21 | Columbus, OH I'll be running a workshop on flash fiction writing and more at this excellent literary convention in Ohio. I was Horror Guest of Honor last year at Context and loved every minute of it. Other horror fiction notables in attendance this coming year include Guest of Honor Brian Keene, Gary Braunbeck, Tim Waggoner, Paula Guran and Lucy Snyder. <a href="http://www.contextsf.org/">http://www.contextsf.org/</a> ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Reverse the roles in an alien autopsy. + Choose an inanimate object from your kitchen cabinet. Give it a mouth. Allow it to unexpectedly speak one morning to a child while he is preparing his own breakfast. + Speculate on paper: If you were to eat your own brain matter, what do you think it would taste like? Describe it, appealing to the senses, evoking the texture and flavor. Then begin the next paragraph. See if you can keep going, unfolding a plot that explains why you would be eating your own brain to begin with. Don't force it...discover it. *** If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know and I'll mention it here! If you like working with twisted prompts, then you might enjoy the new site run by Matt and Natalie Duvall, called "The Write Way": <a href="http://www.thewriteway.org/">http://www.thewriteway.org/</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you liked AUDIOVILE ... you'll like HALL OF MIRRORS by Mike Bennett <a href="http://www.oneamongthesleepless.com/hallofmirrors.htm">http://www.oneamongthesleepless.com/hallofmirrors.htm</a> If you liked THE B*TCHFIGHT ... you'll like THE FEVER KILL by Tom Piccirilli <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/THE-FEVER-KILL-by-Tom-Piccirilli-p-16518.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/THE-FEVER-KILL-by-Tom-Piccirilli-p-16518.html</a> If you liked ON WRITING HORROR ... you'll enjoy LESSONS FROM A LIFETIME OF WRITING by David Morrell <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582971439/">http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582971439/</a> If you liked FREAKCIDENTS ... you'll like PHANTASMAPEDIA by Mark McLaughlin <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/PHANTASMAPEDIA-by-Mark-McLaughlin-p-16764.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/PHANTASMAPEDIA-by-Mark-McLaughlin-p-16764.html</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like SUCKERS by Jeff Strand and J.A. Konrath <a href="http://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html">http://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html</a> If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! Visit the Horror-Mall Swing on by the Horror Mall, where Goreletter readers can get 10% off on any purchase of BOOKS of $50 or more. When you check out with your online shopping cart, just enter coupon code: "Goreletter10" This is valid 1 time per customer. Expires 4-15-2008 Gila Queen's Guide to Markets WRITERS: Kathy Ptacek of the Gila Queen's Guide to Markets is offering a great discount to subscribers who write and want to keep up with the magazine and book markets. Gila Queen's guide often features meaty articles about publishing (including the occassional essay by Arnzen) along with the most up-to-date guidelines and insider news you'll find anywhere. Usually a 20-issue subscription is $20, but you can get a trial rate of ten issues for just $8. Paypal $8 to <a href="mailto:katptacek@yahoo.com">katptacek@yahoo.com</a> (be sure to mention the "Arnzen Goreletter Discount" in the comment field) or send a check payable to "Kathy Ptacek" to: Arnzen Goreletter Offer c/o Gila Queen's Guide To Markets, PO Box 97, Newton, NJ 07860-0097. Expires 4-30-2008 Dark Cloud Press Thou Shalt Not Overlook this Bargain! Dark Cloud Press is offering a huge discount to subscribers who want to get a copy of Thou Shalt Not -- an anthology of horror and crime stories involving the 10 Commandments (including my own story, "Blasphemebus") -- for half price! Visit <a href="http://www.darkcloudpress.com/Buy_Thou_Shalt_Not.htm">http://www.darkcloudpress.com/Buy_Thou_Shalt_Not.htm</a> and enter code "goreletter" in the shopping cart's Voucher field to get 50% off the cover price! Expires 4-30-2008. LibraryThing LibraryThing.com is STILL graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" free membership to Goreletter subscribers (this offer ends after twenty people take advantage of it). See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and snoop around in my personal library, to learn more about this great site for book hoarders. To get your free unlimited account, all you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only). I'm surprised that more people haven't leapt on this offer. Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS include the McSweeney's Joke Book, Romance fiction by Tess Gerritsen, horror and fantasy stories by Angeline Hawkes, and also Apex Science Fiction and Horror magazine! Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2008 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 38. Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or just add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/</a> Visit MySpace for lots of pictures, sounds, and doohickeys: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS We'll Manage "If death had only negative aspects, dying would be an unmanageable action." --Emile M. Cioran (died 1995) ========================

Subscribe to The Goreletter via email by entering your email address below:

The Goreletter 5.01: Cold Cuts

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 20:04:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 5.01, Oct 19, 2007 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Cold Cuts One of the ways I entertain myself when I stand in line at the local sandwich shop chain is by watching the cold cut artists behind the counter as they prepare my meal. They arrange the order line so you can customize your sandwich as they create it, dictating what toppings and sauces you'd like to include in your meal. It makes you feel special. But me? I'm fascinated by the open display of butchery and cold meat. Standing behind the sneeze guard glass makes me feel like I'm in a surgical theater, watching doctors operate as they slice bread with their long knives and handle meaty tissue in their latex-covered hands. They spritz and drizzle dressing along the cut like they're cleansing an open, foot-long wound. Sometimes it's a messy affair, when the sandwich spills its contents across the counter like the mess you'd see on a coroner's table during a lunch break. But I forget all that as they wrap up the meal in paper, twisting it up tourniquet-tight, like they were saving a bleeding leg. Those creepy latex gloves they wear. That's what sends me into this fantasy. And they don't change them often. They don't scrub in. They don't sterilize their instruments. They might put on fresh gloves when you place your order, but they rarely change them when they pick up a dirty butcher's knife handle or press a button on a crisping oven or a microphone transmitter to the drive-thru window, or -- worst of all -- handling the cash register or all your filthy lucre before they are finished making your meal. It's like they think the gloves are there to protect their hands, rather than the sanitation of your sandwich. And eating all that contact residue is like -- I dunno -- like you're on the subway, licking the seats or something. *** I fear raw meat and cold cuts. For more of my opinions on such culinary delights, here's an oldie from The Goreletter: <a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/goreletter/20030324120000/">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/goreletter/20030324120000/</a> ======================== WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH They Eat People I Eat People: Animated Video by Dan Hess <a href="http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/iep.html">http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/iep.html</a> Cannibal Corpse Lounge Music: YouTube Parody by unknown lounge act <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc-V3NYckOI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc-V3NYckOI</a> Why Dost Thou Love to Eat People?: YouTube weirdness by anonymous guitar-playing vampire freak <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2qduBHImF4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2qduBHImF4</a> (this too has been parodied...badly) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty2Tub2zhFk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty2Tub2zhFk</a> ======================== ARNZEN NEWS EXQUISITE CORPSE: NOW ON DVD Exquisite Corpse: Films Based on the Writing of Michael Arnzen is now available on DVD. To purchase in the US send $17 ($15 + $2 shipping/handling) via PayPal to <a href="mailto:jiminton@swbell.net">jiminton@swbell.net</a> or mail a check/money order payable to Jim Minton to: Jim Minton Design Studio, 3339 Merrell Road, Dallas, TX, 75229. AWARD PICK: A WITCHY FOR THE SCAB Producer Jim Minton just received a 2007 Tabloid Witch Award for "Best Animated Horror Short" for his adaptation of my poem, "The Scab" (which some of you might recall from the Stoker-winning poetry book, Freakcidents, if you didn't see it in Exquisite Corpse). The film will be screened at the Santa Monica Public Library on Halloween weekend and an encore screening will take place at Loscon convention in Los Angeles on Thanksgiving weekend. Congratulations, Jim! Tabloid Witch Awards: <a href="http://www.hollywoodinvestigator.com/2007/horrorfilm2007.htm">http://www.hollywoodinvestigator.com/2007/horrorfilm2007.htm</a> Exquisite Corpse: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/exquisitecorpsemovie">http://www.myspace.com/exquisitecorpsemovie</a> AUDIOVILE: MUSIC TO YOUR FEARS My "album of flash fiction" set to music, Audiovile, is now available at numerous outlets -- from iTunes to cdbaby.com -- in both downloadable and audio CD format. This disc was released last month by Raw Dog Screaming Press as a sort of illuminated audiobook companion to the expanded hardcover edition of 100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories, which also just came out from them. Check out the samples on gorelets.com and do post a review somewhere to help me spread the word, if you like it. Here are some primary links to learn more: Publisher's Page: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html</a> Gorelets' portal to all things Audiovile: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Multimedia.Audiovile</a> 100 Jolts on Amazon: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/100-Jolts-Shockingly-Short-Stories/dp/1933293292/">http://www.amazon.com/100-Jolts-Shockingly-Short-Stories/dp/1933293292/</a> HOW TO GROW A PSEUDOPOD Pseudopod: The Sound of Horror has just podcast my short story, "How to Grow a Man-Eating Plant" (read by Sheila Unwin). Listen online or subscribe through iTunes and start gardening now. <a href="http://pseudopod.org/2007/10/18/flash-how-to-grow-a-man-eating-plant/">http://pseudopod.org/2007/10/18/flash-how-to-grow-a-man-eating-plant/</a> AN ARNZEN OMNIBUS: PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS You're hearing it first: Dark Regions Press now has signed trade paperback copies of my latest collection, Proverbs for Monsters, available for order direct from the publisher. With art by Matt Schuster, this "best of Arnzen" collection features thirty short stories and even more poems selected from over the past fifteen years, including new and very hard to find work. This book is probably the best overview of my writing available. Dark Regions will also be releasing a hardcover signed limited edition very soon. Proverbs will soon be available on amazon.com and at other outlets, but your best bet is to order from the publisher: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> DEALT OUT Raw Dog Screaming Press reports that my novel, Play Dead, is now officially out of print and virtually all copies are sold out from their warehouse. You should easily still be able to find it on the secondary market, but it won't be around forever. Likewise, Novello Publishers is also reporting that they have only a handful (or is it a mouthful?) of my comedic novelette, Licker, left in stock (see "boo coupons" below for your last chance to get a copy). Play Dead: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com</a> Licker: <a href="http://www.novellopublishing.com">http://www.novellopublishing.com</a> HOWLING AT THE MOON I'm presently revising a new story for a collectible chapbook (tentatively called "The B**chfight"), to be published this fall by Bad Moon Books. The limited edition will feature an EP of new readings, remixes of Audiovile tracks, and live recordings on a CD. Keep your eyes on Bad Moon's website for breaking news in the months ahead: <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com">http://www.badmoonbooks.com</a> YOU HAVE TIME FOR THIS You Have Time For This: Contemporary American Short-Short stories (edited by Mark Budman and Tom Hazuka) is a new anthology of flash fiction that includes my tale from 100 Jolts, "The Curse of Fat Face." <a href="http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/youhave.html">http://www.ooliganpress.pdx.edu/youhave.html</a> ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems My Pet Vampire Tight as a tick to a scalp, I keep my vampire nailed down to the floor in my bedroom. His arms are stretched pale and flabby as the hairy little bat I know he wishes he could turn into when I see him squinching his lupine brow and grunting like he's constipated. But the nails won't set him free from the clock-handed impalement of his limbs. Maybe he could transform into a flying rodent but he's stretched so tight, the tension between those silver spikes would only split him right in two. I keep him fed with stray pet blood and sometimes he acts like he loves me for it -- cooing like he's the one stray I kept, the one pet I cared enough about to take in, the lucky survivor I won't kill. At other times -- usually at night when I peek over the bed before sleep -- his eyes quiver ablaze and he stares right at me like some starving feral animal caught in a barbed wire fence. Asleep, I dream of torture -- of drizzling holy water left-right across pasty dead flesh, drawing cross-shaped wounds in the gray canvas of skin. I dream of taking needle nose pliers to teeth before teasing him with my bare wrist and strained neck. But in the morning, the sunlight blares into the windowpane, fizzling his face and he screams like a drowning hyena. It's annoying. And as I close the curtains I deeply wish I could just finish him off, but this supernatural sundial is the best alarm clock I ever had. ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES (TONIGHT!) Oct 19th 7:30pm | BottleWorks | Johnstown, PA Poetry reading along with Gerry LaFemina [gerrylafemina.net] at the Bottle Works Ethnic Arts Center (3rd Avenue & Chestnut in Cambria City), sponsored by the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown. Free event, open to the public. <a href="http://www.bottleworks.org/">http://www.bottleworks.org/</a> (TOMORROW NIGHT!) Oct 20th 8-10pm | Dv8 Espresso Bar & Art Gallery | Greensburg, PA Come kick off the Halloween season by watching me gargle piping hot coffee while reading horror stories as the featured reader in the "Get Lit" series of literary performances at this wonderful art gallery in Downtown Greensburg (208 S. Pennsylvania Ave). While you're there check out Nora Jayne Thompson's very cool macabre art series, The Rots. Free and open to the public. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/dv8espressobarandgallery">http://www.myspace.com/dv8espressobarandgallery</a> [The Rots: <a href="http://www.the-rots.blogspot.com/">http://www.the-rots.blogspot.com/</a> ] (NEXT WEEKEND!) Oct 27-28th | Zombiefest | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA I'll be reading on a panel and signing books at the Raw Dog Screaming Press table during this brand new Convention of the Undead, which culminates with an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest "zombie walk" through the Monroeville Mall -- the actual location for the original Romero film, Dawn of the Dead! My panel (with Greg Lamberson and Scott Johnson) is at 2pm on Saturday; other attendees include Gary Braunbeck, Kim Paffenroth, and Max Brooks. <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm</a> Nov 10th | PARSEC Lecture | Carnegie Library (Squirrel Hill Branch), Pittsburgh, PA Presentation on "Exquisite Corpse in Print and Film" to the Pittsburgh Area Science Fiction Enthusiasts Club. Members only, but it's just $15 at the door to join. <a href="http://www.parsec-sff.org/">http://www.parsec-sff.org/</a> Nov 30th 4pm | Seton Hill University, Administration Building Rm 308 | Greensburg, PA Screening of Exquisite Corpse and a presentation of my recent creative work to the campus community (where I teach in the MA degree program in Writing Popular Fiction). Free and open to the public. <a href="http://www.setonhill.edu/o/index.cfm?PID=3&PRID=1282">http://www.setonhill.edu/o/index.cfm?PID=3&PRID=1282</a> <a href="http://fiction.setonhill.edu">http://fiction.setonhill.edu</a> July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Writing Workshop for Teens | Greensburg, PA I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer's workshop in speculative fiction for young writers of talent. I mention it now only because applications need to be sent in early to get a seat, if you qualify. <a href="http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html">http://alpha.spellcaster.org/index.html</a> Chances are good I'll also attend the ICFA and World Horror Convention in Spring 2008. <a href="http://iafa.org/">http://iafa.org/</a> <a href="http://www.whc2008.org">http://www.whc2008.org</a> ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Face Dances Mono-1.com (a progressive advertising agency) has posted a fun "mix and match" game where you can assemble all the elements of the human head into a freaky photorealistic picture. They say there are 760,000 possible "monofaces" you can make with the various random mash-ups of eyes, noses, mouths, and hair/shoulders. Create your own mutants and have a ball. <a href="http://www.mono-1.com/monoface/main.html">http://www.mono-1.com/monoface/main.html</a> ======================== DICTIONSCARY suppurate If I didn't know any better, I'd think that "suppurate" described the after-effect of a satisfying dinner. A term for how you satisfied, sated, and sedated you feel when you sit on the couch after, say, a Thanksgiving meal, opening your belt. But no: "suppurate" is the fancy word we reserve to describe pustular discharge. Slimy, often freakishly yellow, leakage. The putrid rot that spills from a burst boil or infected blister. It comes from the Latin term "puris" which means "pus" though there's nothing pure about it, since pus is surely disgusting. I have a friend who once argued with me that "pus" is incorrect; that it's actually spelled "puss." I asked him how his cat was doing. He said "Fine, she's even purring on my lap right now." If I was smart, I would have replied "Sup-purr-ating, maybe." ======================== THE CONTESTATORIUM The winners of the "Be My Audiovillain" contest from last issue are DW Green and Michael Shrum. Both of these guys did a lot to help spread the word about the launch of the Audiovile CD, and also created some wonderful artwork. They won collectible decks of "Play Dead" playing cards and the original proofs for my story, Licker, along with other rare items and a gift certificate to Shocklines. Thanks to everyone who participated! Visit the "pics" section of the Arnzen profile page on myspace.com to see the collection of "fan art" that features their contributions, and those by other readers. There are some hilarious images on there (I think the "Domestic Fowl" image by Shrum is my present favorite). PLEASE CONTINUE to send in your own artwork inspired by anything I've written, and I'll share it with the world on that page! I really love fan art. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> VIRTUAL HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST! This one ought to be easy and your chances of winning are good! Send me a photo (whether at a party, on your doorstep, or whatever) of someone/anyone/you in costume. It doesn't HAVE to be a Halloween photo, but I imagine that would be the easiest time to take a picture. (I will post your photos online at myspace.com, so entering this contest grants me one-time online publishing rights to your photograph). Rules: Deadline: November 5th (do send before or on Halloween if you're able) Preferred format: .jpg file (may be re-sized for space) Size limit: 1.4 megabytes SEND TO: <a href="mailto:arnzen@gmail.com">arnzen@gmail.com</a> Horror imagery preferred. Points for creativity, craft, and use of scenario/scenery. Bonus points for incorporating any Arnzen-related paraphernalia in your shot (holding a book, dressing up like a character, whatever). Try to keep the imagery below an R rating please, since little kiddies read my stuff sometimes and I don't want my site to get censored/banned/etc. by the powers that be. (I will not publish nudity, drug references, or other images that I'm not comfortable sharing with the public.) ONE GRAND PRIZE TO MY FAVORITE PHOTO: A free signed limited hardcover copy of PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS upon release ($50 value!) & one DVD of EXQUISITE CORPSE ($17 value!) with autographed Arnzen ephemera inserted in the clamshell case. ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE Office Space Terrors For your next movie night, rent: The Temp (Holland, 1993) Office Killer (Sherman, 1997) Netherbeast Incorporated (Ronalds, 2007) (or The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc. (2004)) ======================== OTHINGS (*other things) CHATTER Last month I was a guest blogger for a week on the website, "A Bunch of Wordz." Host Edie Montgomery gave me free reign to post about random things that I might normally post in The Goreletter, if I ran it as a regular blog instead of a newsletter. Topics included the role of music in the creative process, an analysis of suspense in a comic strip, a riff on a Poppy Z. Brite story, and wordplay with the seven deadly sins. Her next guest blogger will be paranormal suspense author Kelley Armstrong, posting on Oct 28-30th. If interested, you can review my posts here: <a href="http://abunchofwordz.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/michael-a-arnzen-thanks-and-index/">http://abunchofwordz.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/michael-a-arnzen-thanks-and-index/</a> Here's an interview about horror that appeared in At Home with Jennifer (a regional magazine similar to Oprah), called "Dr. Dread: Seton Hill University Has its Own Professor of Horror": <a href="http://www.athomewithjennifermagazine.com/current_month/home_library.php">http://www.athomewithjennifermagazine.com/current_month/home_library.php</a> Around Halloween, you can also read my conversation with author Michael Sims' about fear and writing in his great "Creative Approach" column in Rezoom magazine: <a href="https://www.rezoom.com/entertainment/creative-approach/">https://www.rezoom.com/entertainment/creative-approach/</a> You should definitely pick up Michael Sims' witty and insightful books, by the way. Especially "Apollo's Fire" which was just published by Viking: <a href="http://www.michaelsimsbooks.com/default.htm">http://www.michaelsimsbooks.com/default.htm</a> CONTEXT I was the "Horror Guest of Honor" at Context Convention in Columbus, OH last month. This was my first time being a special guest at a con, and I had an enormously enjoyable time. Context is a science-fiction/fantasy convention that leans toward the literary side of the equation, with daily writer's workshops (I ran one on writing genre poetry), readings, panels on books and academia, and guest interviews. It was a blast hanging around with a herd of writers I know -- a list that is too long to mention here -- and getting to meet some new friends. One of the highlights for me was chatting with Gary Braunbeck, who hosted a Saturday night conversation with me. We talked about all things horror, I confessed about my past, we listened to tracks from Audiovile, and we screened short films. We not only watched Exquisite Corpse, but Gary was kind enough to share an advanced screener of the upcoming film based on his knock-out short story, "Rami Temporalis," called "One of Those Faces" (adaptation by Earl Newton). You absolutely MUST see Gary's story on film when its released to the public, and check out the wonderful creativity displayed by Newton at Stranger Things TV: <a href="http://www.strangerthings.tv/">http://www.strangerthings.tv/</a> Context is a great, intimate and even educational conference. Their website is: <a href="http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/">http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/</a> You can see photos from Context 20 on my myspace page or at Heidi Ruby Miller's weblog: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> or <a href="http://ambasadora.livejournal.com/146100.html">http://ambasadora.livejournal.com/146100.html</a> GORELETS.COM UPDATE Welcome to the fifth volume of The Goreletter! I've been running this internet sideshow for over five years now, and it remains a blast to put together. Almost 2000 people read this whenever I send it out (and I'd love to have more readers, so please spread the word)! Thank you for subscribing and reading for all these years, and for continuing to support my creative sickness. When I sent the last issue (July 18, 2007), I received a number of "bounced" messages, especially from hotmail. If you didn't get yours, drop by the archives to see what you missed. And do make sure gorelets.com is not ending up in your spam folders. <a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi?flavor=archive;list=goreletter">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi?flavor=archive;list=goreletter</a> I may be changing servers in the months ahead, which might produce a temporary outage on the website. If I need to change domains, I will e-mail you first to alert you. I'm also seriously considering expanding The Goreletter into a book of some kind in the year ahead. If anyone has any leads on an ideal publisher who might be interested in such a venture, by all means, please let me know. For now, a few choice pieces from The Goreletter will appear in my new "best of Arnzen" collection, Proverbs for Monsters, mentioned elsewhere in this issue. I do hope you'll pick that up in support of this newsletter, which does take up a good deal of my writing time. It may be awhile until you get the next issue, because I'm in the middle of writing a very weird novel and I need to keep the fire blazing on that. So if I'm late, keep checking the Goreletter weblog for updates as time passes and know that I remain committed to publishing The Goreletter as an e-mail missive well into the future, perhaps in perpetuity, for free. ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Write a story from the viewpoint of a groundskeeper at the graveyard -- avoiding any of the typical trappings of the horror genre. Make it mundane, even. Avoid using speculative fiction technique at all until you get to page three. Then, if you need to jazz things up, let her rip. + Devise a plot surrounding a schoolyard bully...when he's elderly, in the nursing home. + Describe a tuft of stiff hair that has grown in a very unexpected place on your main character's body. *** If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know and I'll mention it here! Congratulations this time around to D.W. Green, for his story "Surgical Puppet Theater," which will appear in the upcoming anthology, Darkened Horizons. <a href="http://www.myspace.com/kimchiandtheflyingfish">http://www.myspace.com/kimchiandtheflyingfish</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work that you may not have heard of before. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you liked GRAVE MARKINGS ... you'll like THE BONE PARADE by Mark Nykanen <a href="http://www.marknykanen.com/html/books.html">http://www.marknykanen.com/html/books.html</a> If you liked 100 JOLTS ... you'll like SPIDER PIE by Alyssa Sturgill <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/spiderpie.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/spiderpie.html</a> If you liked AUDIOVILE ... you'll like GONZO SCIENCE by Jim Richardson <a href="http://cdbaby.com/cd/gonzosci">http://cdbaby.com/cd/gonzosci</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like GLEEFULLY MACABRE TALES by Jeff Strand <a href="https://www.deliriumbooks.com/catalog/product.php?productid=70&cat=1&page=1">https://www.deliriumbooks.com/catalog/product.php?productid=70&cat=1&page=1</a> If you liked PLAY DEAD ... you'll like THE SCALDING ROOMS by Conrad Williams <a href="http://store.pspublishing.co.uk/acatalog/the_scalding_rooms_hc.html">http://store.pspublishing.co.uk/acatalog/the_scalding_rooms_hc.html</a> If you liked EXQUISITE CORPSE ... you'll like EXPERIMENTS IN TERROR 1 & 2 compiled by Other Cinema <a href="http://www.othercinemadvd.com/experiments.html">http://www.othercinemadvd.com/experiments.html</a> If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! LAST LICKS In an effort to move the last few copies of my chapbook, Licker, out of their warehouse, Novello Publishers is offering Goreletter subscribers a special "buy Licker, get one book free" offer. Order Licker and they'll send you a free copy of either Two Twisted Nuts by Jeff Strand and Nick Cato or Right House on the Left by Steve Vernon, Mark McLaughlin, & L.L. Soares (choose your favorite). As a bonus, they'll ALSO throw in a free copy of Dark Jesters -- their one-shot humorous horror fanzine, featuring stories by Lucy Snyder, Mark McLaughlin, Tom Moran, and others! That's a $19.00 value for just $10.00 -- postage paid! You have to order it by regular mail: follow the ordering instructions on their website and mention the "Novello Publisher's Licker Deal" along with which chapbook you'd like, and don't forget to include your delivery address. <a href="http://www.novellopublishers.com/orderpage.html">http://www.novellopublishers.com/orderpage.html</a> LIBRARYTHING LibraryThing.com is still graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" free membership to Goreletter subscribers (this offer ends after twenty people take advantage of it). See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and snoop around in my personal library, to learn more about this great site for book hoarders. To get your free unlimited account, all you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only). Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS include a few Raw Dog Screaming Press titles, like Vacation by Jeremy Shipp, Your Point Is? by Steve Aylett and Discouraging at Best by John Edward Lawson! Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2007 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 37. Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or just add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/</a> Visit Arnzen's space for pictures, sounds, and doohickeys: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS Look Out, Cannibals! "When the fish were opened, I saw smaller fish taken out of their stomachs; then thought I, 'If you eat one another, I don't see why we mayn't eat you.'...So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do." -- Benjamin Franklin (died 1790) ========================

Subscribe to The Goreletter via email by entering your email address below:

The Goreletter 4.04: BLUGH!

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 22:16:00 GMT

======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> +++ Vol. 4.04, July 18, 2007 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. 13 Furnishings You'll NEVER Find at IKEA BAGEMUP Mob Hit Throw Rug with Latex Backing GNUCKS Knucklebone Beaded Curtain HOOGAFLOOF Neck Pillow Stuffed with Ukrainian Owl Eyes NOZZOIKS Teflon Glove for Throwing Electric Chair Switches JYMJONZ Paper Cup Dispenser SMÊGMAR Bordello Mattress Liner STYNXEE Swedish Pine Urinal Disc SLAZISUZI Saw Blade Turntable Appetizer Tray BRÅNZ Chrome Cannibal Serving Bowl with Designer Drip Saucer OFFTAPOTTER Stuffed Otter's Head Toilet Brush LILCOUGHIN Children's Storage Unit BETÎPAJ Beechwood Rotating Whip Rack with Emergency First Aid Kit BLÜGH: Envelope Moistener/Spittoon *** Related Reading The Store: <a href="http://www.ikea.com">http://www.ikea.com</a> The IKEA Name Generator: <a href="http://www.minimarketing.it/ikea_gen.htm">http://www.minimarketing.it/ikea_gen.htm</a> Where IKEA Gets the Names: <a href="http://tinyurl.com/2lx9ga">http://tinyurl.com/2lx9ga</a> and <a href="http://tinyurl.com/ob5v">http://tinyurl.com/ob5v</a> The IKEA Game: <a href="http://www.iamcal.com/games/ikea/">http://www.iamcal.com/games/ikea/</a> How to Survive IKEA by Matthew Baldwin: <a href="http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/how_to/the_nonexpert_ikea.php">http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/how_to/the_nonexpert_ikea.php</a> ======================== ARNZEN NOW ON MYSPACE <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Visit my NEW myspace page to listen to audio samples from my upcoming CD, Audiovile. I've uploaded a ton of photos there, and I've started using their blog system once in awhile, too. You never know what you might find there. (And this is the link to use in the new contest lurking somewhere below). ======================== OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE Obscure Cat Horror-Comedies For your next movie night, rent: Xiong mao (Yu, 1987) Strays (McPhereson, 1991) Goosebumps: Cry of the Cat (Bond, 2002) ======================== ARNZEN NEWS +++ AUDIOVILE! An "album" of my fiction set to music, on compact disc, called "Audiovile," will be out in the month ahead! Audiovile is a weird compilation of stories (mostly dark humor ones from my book, 100 Jolts), transformed into musical numbers (yes, I did virtually* all of the music myself). You can now get a taste by listening to three of the sixteen tracks on the internet at <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> My goal was to make an audio book worth listening to more than just once...and it turned into something entirely more than just an audio book. I don't know what to call it -- a performance? -- but I think you'll be entertained, surprised, and maybe even a little freaked out when you realize you're tapping your foot to a goofy song about a serial killer. Early reviewers are loving the novelty: Horror-Web gives it 4 stars, and calls it "Very eclectic, very dark, but jovial and very enjoyable." Horror World writes, "[The CD contains] more than enough laugh out loud, make you cringe moments for me to recommend Audiovile, which caters to those among us who are just a bit twisted." And ChiZine writes, "Not exactly sung, not quite read, Arnzen narrates each piece with an enthusiastic growl in which you can hear how amused he is, trying on this new mantle. The Morrison of the Macabre...it's an unexpected pleasure. Put this in your iPod and smoke it!" * Guest musicians appear on two tracks: Jason Jack Miller plucks a mean psychedelic banjo on "Dreamachinery." Visit Jason (co-author of Moon Pennsylvania Camping) here: <a href="http://www.moonstonewritings.com/JASONHOME.html">http://www.moonstonewritings.com/JASONHOME.html</a> And Mark Meritt (who is "Ace" in San Francisco-based KISS tribute band Destoyer and is also one of the freaks behind the ingenious concept album "Mulletor" -- <a href="http://www.mulletor.com">http://www.mulletor.com</a> ) lays down a brain-bending heavy metal guitar throughout the epic cadaver story, "Donation." Raw Dog Screaming Press is publishing the disc and offering it cheap, for about $13. Audiovile will soon be available from cdbaby.com and other distributors, even in downloadable mp3 form. But if you want yours early, and SIGNED, then pre-order a copy of this wickedly wacko disc from Shocklines Bookstore: <a href="http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/aubymiaarbau.html">http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/aubymiaarbau.html</a> or better yet, order it bundled with the new hardcover edition of 100 Jolts for a discount: <a href="http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/100joshaedba.html">http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/100joshaedba.html</a> Here's the publisher's official page: <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html</a> See the contest in this issue for a potential prize for preordering. +++ BRAIN CANDY Speaking of Audiovile, Jen Barnes created a funky music video/cartoon to go along with one of the zombie-related tracks, called "Brain Candy." Check it out at YouTube for a quick up-chuckle: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWiavMEpO1Q">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWiavMEpO1Q</a> +++ PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS I just finished proofreading the final pages for this compilation of my best short stories and poems, due late Summer from Dark Regions Books. Proverbs for Monsters is a MEATY collection, just under three hundred pages long, with over thirty stories and forty-five pages of poetry. It's filled with reader's favorites from the past 20 years and includes some new and otherwise impossible-to-find work. Proverbs features interior and cover art by Matt Schuster (of mpsindustries.com, who you might remember from our online collaboration in 2003, "Gentle Monsters" <a href="http://www.sidereality.com/volume2issue2/contentsv2n2.html">http://www.sidereality.com/volume2issue2/contentsv2n2.html</a> ). The book will be released in a limited run, in 100 signed hardcovers and 500 signed paperbacks. It's probably the most representative look at my writing career so far. Watch this page (which includes a contents list and cover art) to find out how to order: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.ProverbsForMonsters</a> +++ AFTERSHOCKS! 100 JOLTS IN HARDCOVER 100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories (Expanded Edition) is a new hardcover reissue of this collection of one hundred disturbing and darkly hilarious stories -- most of them no longer than a page. The book will include bonus materials you can't find in the original 2004 edition: "Aftershocks" (a batch of new stories), a new afterword that looks at short-shorts and their relationship to "snack media culture," and a bundle of creative writing prompts based on the stories in the collection, in the vein of The Goreletter's own "Instigation" department. Horror Library claims "...this collection will be a treasured favorite for any collector of horror literature and indispensable reference material for any writer, horror genre or not." This new hardcover edition should be out at the same time as Audiovile, its companion piece, for about $30. Preorder the two together for a discount (see above) or preorder the book alone and you'll get it signed here: <a href="http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.n">http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.n</a> et/100joshshstb.html +++ MORE MORE MORE + Take a deep breath...I know this is getting long...this is what happens when I run late, and I apologize. + If you've got an iPod, subscribe to the free horror story podcasts at <a href="http://pseudopod.org">http://pseudopod.org</a> Pseudopod is currently producing an audio adaptation of my story, "How to Grow a Man-Eating Plant" that should be out in the month's ahead. + I know this gives some people "cognitive dissonance," but I actually do academic writing in my role as English professor, too. I'll have an essay that compares the movie Maximum Overdrive to the short story "Trucks" in the upcoming collection of criticism, The Films of Stephen King (Palgrave, 2007). And I'm pleased to announce that a version of my doctoral dissertation, called "The Popular Uncanny," has just placed with Guide Dog Books! Expect more news in the year ahead. To learn more about these academic pieces, visit my non-fiction "creations" page at gorelets.com: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Nonfiction.Nonfiction">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Nonfiction.Nonfiction</a> + Did you catch my poem, "Not the Reaper," in the latest issue of Bare Bone (#10)? I think it's one of my best "formal" pieces (and fun to read -- it will also appear on Audiovile): <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/bb10.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/bb10.html</a> + This Fall, a new limited edition fiction chapbook called "The B*tchfight" will be published by Bad Moon Books. It's actually about female dogs, I swear. Collectors take note: the hardcover edition will come with an exclusive surprise tba: <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com">http://www.badmoonbooks.com</a> + Look for my comedic fantasy story, "The Filling," in Until Someone Loses an Eye, coming soon from Twisted Publishing: <a href="http://www.bradfordhousepublishing.com/loseeye.htm">http://www.bradfordhousepublishing.com/loseeye.htm</a> + I recently placed a new story, "The Hungry Heart," in a collection of horror tales inspired by Bruce Springsteen songs, called Darkness on the Edge. It will be out from PS Publishing next year, but I'm excited about it now so I thought I'd bulk up this bulky news section with a mention. Watch: <a href="http://www.pspublishing.co.uk/forthcoming.asp">http://www.pspublishing.co.uk/forthcoming.asp</a> + WRITERS! Don't miss the HWA's new edition of On Writing Horror: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582974209/">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582974209/</a> ======================== WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH Online Oddities Amazon Oddities <a href="http://amazon.com/tag/amazon%20oddities/ref=tag_tdp_tdp">http://amazon.com/tag/amazon%20oddities/ref=tag_tdp_tdp</a> eBay Oddities <a href="http://www.whattheheck.com/ebay/index.html">http://www.whattheheck.com/ebay/index.html</a> Google Streetview Oddities <a href="http://www.streetviewr.com/">http://www.streetviewr.com/</a> ======================== AS YOU LIKE IT Here's a new department where I will recommend recent titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention here, just visit the handy-dandy "creations" subpage at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Books.Books</a> If you liked LICKER ... you'll like DISPOSAL by Jeff Strand <a href="http://www.bitingdogpress.com/Bitingdogpub/disposal.htm">http://www.bitingdogpress.com/Bitingdogpub/disposal.htm</a> If you liked PLAY DEAD ... you'll like YOU IN? by Kealan Patrick Burke <a href="http://www.badmoonbooks.com/product.php?productid=804&cat=0&page=1&featured">http://www.badmoonbooks.com/product.php?productid=804&cat=0&page=1&featured</a> If you liked AUDIOVILE ... you'll like the JOHNNY GRUESOME CD by Marcy and Giasone Italiano <a href="http://slimeguy.com/gruesomeCD.htm">http://slimeguy.com/gruesomeCD.htm</a> If you liked GRAVE MARKINGS ... you'll like DEAD SLEEP by Greg Iles <a href="http://www.gregiles.com/dead.htm">http://www.gregiles.com/dead.htm</a> If you liked RIGORMAROLE ... you'll like THE LONG LAST CALL by John Skipp <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Last-Call-John-Skipp/dp/084395843X/">http://www.amazon.com/Long-Last-Call-John-Skipp/dp/084395843X/</a> If you liked 100 JOLTS ... you'll like THE KEYHOLE OPERA by Bruce Holland Rogers <a href="http://www.wheatlandpress.com/keyhole/index.html">http://www.wheatlandpress.com/keyhole/index.html</a> If you liked GORELETS: UNPLEASANT POEMS ... you'll like POSTCARDS FROM HELL (series) <a href="http://postcardtales.blogspot.com/">http://postcardtales.blogspot.com/</a> ======================== ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH Dark Cut In Armor Games' free online simulation, "Dark Cut," you play a medieval surgeon, summoned by your king to perform offbeat, primitive surgical procedures -- like removing an arrow or lancing a nasty boil or dispensing with a...well, I won't say. It's a relatively easy operation, because you're given instructions virtually all the way through it and the "game" doesn't involve much challenge -- all that's required is a steady hand and a dark sense of humor. What makes it worth wasting your precious time is the disturbing surprise of each patient's symptoms and the anticipation invoked by each repulsive-yet-cute cartoon graphic that goes along with it. <a href="http://www.armorgames.com/games/darkcut.html">http://www.armorgames.com/games/darkcut.html</a> If this sort of thing is your cup of gory glee, you also might have some fun with this medieval surgery mad lib. It was designed to be educational, but I recommend printing it out and using your own randomly chosen words! <a href="http://www.educationforum.co.uk/barbs.htm">http://www.educationforum.co.uk/barbs.htm</a> *** Some readers received the wrong web link to "Operation Thule" last issue, and found themselves impaling squirrels with peanuts instead. You probably don't want to go here, especially if your sensitive about animals, but for the record, the intended link to last issue's crazy online gizmo is: <a href="http://www.dr.dk/spil/dolph/">http://www.dr.dk/spil/dolph/</a> ======================== WELCOME TO THE CONTESTATORIUM! Last issue, I held two cool contests for e-mail subscribers and the results are in. First up was the "Corpse Contest," sponsored by Jim Minton, the producer of Exquisite Corpse [ <a href="http://www.exquisitecorpsemovie.com">http://www.exquisitecorpsemovie.com</a> ], with a free DVD version of the film as a prize. This contest asked readers to write a poem, eleven lines or less, about horror cinema. The only catch was that the words 'exquisite' and 'corpse' had to appear somewhere in the poem and the final two lines had to rhyme. A lot of great creative entries came in for this one, but I picked the poem that had the strongest imagery or wordplay. And Jim kindly tossed in an extra DVD so that TWO entrants won! So here they are, for your bonus reading pleasure... IN CONSIDERATION OF MR. BIRD by James C. Wardlaw [1st Place] The organist coaxed screams and crescendos from the pipes. The movie projector cast the flickering images of a corpse dressed in a black tuxedo. He rested on the park bench, hands folded on his chest while ravens pecked at the sinkholes that served him for eyes. The audience gazed at the staccato pictures in black and white, wondering just what the hell would happen next. Those black birds pulled out chunks with veritable haste. It was a study in exquisite poor taste. *** BLOOD PORTRAIT by James S. Dorr [2nd Place] Exquisite, Max Schreck -- his name even meant "fear" -- lurking corpse-silent through Nosferatu, no gentleman vampire he, Bela Lugosi, but claw and breath drenching death. *** The second contest last time around was a trivia contest -- a random draw of people who sent me an e-mail correctly identifying the name of my first website. The winner was author Jeff Strand, who managed to remember that my former website was called, "Arnzen's Arbor Vitae," from the mid-to-late 1990s. Congratulations, Jeff! You won a rare broadside of my poem, "Six Short Films About Chauncey The Serial Killer" and an advanced demo of my upcoming CD, Audiovile. You can now reuse those precious brain cells that were taken up by this memory. *** THE NEW CONTEST: BE MY AUDIOVILLAIN! I hate the whole phrase "viral marketing." For one thing, I prefer to call it "entrepresneezing." For another, it's crassly commercial and disingenuous. But because Audiovile is so different than a book, I need help getting news of it out on the street. I'd love your help, especially if you're a, well, audiophile. Please don't do this if you don't believe that horror writers should be doing nutty things like recording themselves making weird noises and then having the audacity to make you their co-conspirator. Otherwise, sneeze away to spread the word about Audiovile...and you just might WIN ONE OF TWO COLLECTIBLE PRIZE SETS: + A signed deck of the very rare, very bizarro, custom-designed PLAY DEAD playing cards! Plus a five track CDR sampler from Audiovile + $15 Shocklines.com Gift Certificate + one random surprise gift from the Arnzen archives! + The actual hand-corrected proofsheets of my over-the-top comedic horror novelette, LICKER, with a signed bound review copy! Plus a five track CDR sampler from Audiovile + $15 Shocklines.com Gift Certificate + one random surprise gift from the Arnzen archives! This will be a random draw for two lucky winners at midnight on August 18th (exactly one month from this mailing). It's easy. You get entries for whatever you decide is ethical and righteous to do from the following list (one or all): + Add a track from Audiovile to your myspace.com profile page for at least two weeks = 4 entries + Draw a funny picture or pose a funky photo inspired by the track "Psycho Hunter" and post it somewhere online with a link to the myspace page = 4 entries + Preorder a copy of Audiovile = 3 entries + Link to the audiovile myspace page in your own newsletter or on your website/blog = 2 entries + Add a creative comment on one of the tracks on my myspace page (within the song player itself, not on the profile) = 1 entry + Open a new discussion about the Audiovile tracks from myspace on a discussion board where it hasn't been discussed yet = 2 entries + Post comment(s) in an online discussion board about it = 1 entry (only) + Create your own form of promotion and I'll subjectively determine how many entries it deserves = tba Easy sneezy. Will you please be my Audiovillain? E-mail me proof of your viral discharge at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> (if you send me a preorder receipt, edit out your credit card info please, for security). Winners will be announced next issue, and if you do a funny photo I will totally link back to it. [Of course, if you're a professional reviewer I can send you an advanced listening copy, too, but you won't qualify for a prize beyond the usual multimillion dollar bribe and free confection oven I always send my reviewers. E-mail me.] ======================== GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems Dead Meat: A Haiku at the meat counter cellophaned brains trick zombies -- the butcher runs out *** The above haiku is one of many neat 'zombie zen' pieces by various authors scattered throughout Kyra Schon's website at <a href="http://ghoulnextdoor.com">http://ghoulnextdoor.com</a>. Kyra is one of the coolest stars from the original Night of the Living Dead. Check out her webpage and you'll recognize her instantly! *** See Richard Ristow's weblog for a surprisingly in-depth analysis of last issue's poem, "The Fall Down the Stairs of the House of Usher": <a href="http://damnedcritic.blogspot.com/2007/03/arnzen-versus-william-carlos-williams.html">http://damnedcritic.blogspot.com/2007/03/arnzen-versus-william-carlos-williams.html</a> While you're there, congratulate Richard -- he just won a Rhysling Award from the Science Fiction Poetry Association (<a href="http://www.sfpoetry.com">http://www.sfpoetry.com</a>) for his verse! ======================== ARNZEN APPEARANCES July 28-29th | Confluence 2007 | Pittsburgh, PA I will be signing books, reading fiction, and sitting on two panels at Confluence, Pittsburgh's annual con for fans of science-fiction and fantasy literature. A highlight this year will be the screening and discussion of the film based on my work, Exquisite Corpse, alongside the film adaptation of Lawrence C. Connolly's classic short-short, Echoes. <a href="http://www.parsec-sff.org/confluence/index.html">http://www.parsec-sff.org/confluence/index.html</a> Aug 11th | Horrorfind Weekend | Hunt Valley, MD Raw Dog Screaming Press is hosting a CD release party for AUDIOVILE at Horrorfind. I am not yet certain if I'll be in attendance at this year's convention (sniff-sniff), but if you're there, come join the party! <a href="http://www.horrorfindweekend.com/state/maryland/august/">http://www.horrorfindweekend.com/state/maryland/august/</a> Sept 28-30th | Context 20 | Columbus, OH I'm honored to be this year's "Horror Guest of Honor" at this literary convention held annually in Ohio! In addition to the usual reading performance, panel discussions, and books signings, I'll also leading a poetry writing workshop. There are still a few seats left for it, but you have to register early to get one (registration fees rise after Aug 11th, too). <a href="http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/">http://s187772641.onlinehome.us/</a> Oct 19th 7:30pm | BottleWorks | Johnstown, PA Poetry reading along with Gerry LaFemina [gerrylafemina.net] at the Bottle Works Ethnic Arts Center (3rd Avenue & Chestnut in Cambria City), sponsored by the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown. <a href="http://www.bottleworks.org/">http://www.bottleworks.org/</a> Oct 27-28th | Zombiefest | Monroeville Mall, PA I'll be reading and signing books at the Raw Dog Screaming Press table at this brand new Convention of the Undead, which culminates with an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest "zombie walk" through the Monroeville Mall -- the actual location for the original Romero film, Dawn of the Dead! <a href="http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm">http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/Zombiefest2007.htm</a> ======================== DICTIONSCARY scabrid Scab. Rabid. Scabrid. This word sounds like it belongs on a t-shirt worn by an angry kid with a purple Mohawk and spiked leather wristbands. And like many punk rock band names, it is, in fact, lifted straight out of the medical dictionary: "scabrid" typically refers to skin (or other tissue) that is scaly or rough to the touch. Often the flesh is rough, delicate, exhibiting irregular projections, lesions, bumps, knobs, or disgusting little follicles. Caress Tommy Lee Jones' right cheek and perhaps you'll feel something scabrid. Since plants are more often scaly than humans, Scabrid is a term probably used more frequently by botanists than celebrity dermatologists. A synonym for scabrid is scabrous. Its antonym? Glabrous, which sounds happy, and happily it is just as fun to say with your mouth full of liquid as scabrid is. The term is also sometimes used to mean "difficult" or "knotty," as in the sentence, "I do say, good sir, your choice of noose is particularly scabrid and not glabrous at all...would you mind removing it from my neck before I develop a nasty rash?" ======================== OTHINGS (*other things) + Exquisite Corpse ( <a href="http://www.exquisitecorpsemovie.com">http://www.exquisitecorpsemovie.com</a> ) screened in June at the Presaro Film Festival in Italy and also in the San Antonio Underground Film Festival in the US. Reports all suggest that the film was well-received. In fact, at San Antonio, the sound system failed at the beginning of the screening, so they kindly screened the movie again at the very end of the festival as a strange finale, to much applause. The producer tells me that the Exquisite Corpse DVD package may be offered for sale by hand at conventions and screening events soon. I'll be screening the film at Confluence and Context conventions in the months ahead. + At the top of the month, I taught a class in humor and flash fiction at Odyssey, the annual science-fiction/fantasy workshops run by Jeanne Cavelos in New Hampshire ( <a href="http://www.sff.net/odyssey/">http://www.sff.net/odyssey/</a> ). I had a blast and the students were just awesome. (Anyone who can laugh at bad jokes about clown copulation is a friend of mine). I wish Odyssey would have been around when I was getting started; so I thought I'd mention it to help spread the word, in case there are any writers reading this who are thinking about going pro and becoming a better writer. Sure, you should consider getting a Master's degree where I teach ( <a href="http://fiction.setonhill.edu">http://fiction.setonhill.edu</a> ), but if that's beyond your means or qualifications, I highly recommend you consider Odyssey! Check out their podcasts from former lecturers, like Charles Grant and Jeff Vandermeer. I'm likely to appear there in the months ahead, too, with something weird and cryptic excerpted from my so-called "talk." ======================== INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS + Bind a book in something dastardly...but avoid the obvious (lemme guess: skin, right?). + There's a campaign afoot to nominate Cthulhu for president (<a href="http://www.cthulhu.org/">http://www.cthulhu.org/</a>). Create a Lovecraftian story that satirizes today's politics. + Write a short-short with the title "Surgical Puppet Theater." *** Congratulations to Kathleen J. Trimmer -- <a href="http://www.myspace.com/kat_emerson">http://www.myspace.com/kat_emerson</a> -- who recently published a short-short called "Getting Off Death Row" in Cthulhu SM (3:13) based loosely on an Instigation prompt. If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know and I'll mention it here! ======================== NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS Two Fake Books from McSweeney's One of my old Army buddies, Eric Hoffman, went on to become a comedian, making a name for himself in the Chicago improv circuit and landing some good roles in TV and film (most notably, he parodied the John Travolta character from Pulp Fiction in My Big Fat Independent Movie). He even wrote for Bob & Dave's "Mr. Show" for awhile. Well, now he's an author, or co-author with Gary Rudoren, anyway, with the release of a great humor book: Comedy by the Numbers. I didn't intend to review the book here, but it's such a singularly funny read that I just have to. Sure, I'm biased. But don't let that stop you from buying it. Comedy by the Numbers is a mock "how to be popular" book -- a technical guide to being the class clown or life of the party -- with a catalog of 169 tried-and-true comedy "secrets" that are applicable to any stand-up routine, comedic screenplay, or water cooler conversation. The book parodies itself with mock authority, and as it enumerates all the clichés we've all seen before (#1 Animals Doing Things Humans Do, #16 Clowns, #36 Dwarves, Midgets and the Like), it catches you off-guard once in awhile by throwing in an absurd example of a tip here, or an excessive and over-the-top application of the secret there (like the list of "Clown Names Still Available for General Use" that includes names like "Cancerella, Spoogie, Stone Phillips and Blazey the Arsonist Clown"). Ever wanted to know how to properly shop for ventriloquist dummies? (Floppy legs are best). Which facial expressions are the best reactions to pain? (Sometimes it's the "anger face," sometimes it's the "Indian sho t arrow in the windpipe" face). What the best choices are for mimes who want to pretend to be trapped inside an object? (The back end of a horse costume always gets a laugh). As you read along, you'll find yourself caught up in all the stock examples from film comedies you've seen, and you'll start to realize that Comedy by the Numbers still manages to be rather educational despite itself, by successfully surveying the genre and exposing all its formulas, strengths, and weaknesses. But beyond its content, the writing succeeds because the authors adopt a comedic perspective on their own material -- at times excessively bragging about their own wit, at others pulling the rug out from under their own advice -- and it's a perspective that's utterly contagious. By practicing what it preaches, the book charms, even when it fails to get a belly laugh by, say, going for an obvious fart joke. It's an altogether fun, light-hearted and often "blue" (e.g. rated R) read, littered with hilarious illustrations and scenarios. There's a sense of nostalgia about this book, too -- you can tell that these writers love old slapstick movies -- and reading the book reminded me of Mad Magazine in its heyday. But I also found it inspirational (and I can't believe I'm admitting this) for brainstorming my own writing ideas. For example, Secret #26 is "Death Portrayed as an Entity" which recommends writers put the grim reaper in their screenplay as "an ice cream salesman, bumbling civil servant, adorable doggie, crotchety librarian, or smarmy bellboy." Hilarious. That got me thinking about other scenarios for a potential horror story in a similar vein (my notes say something cryptic like: "trial testimony by grim reaper arrested for indecent exposure"). From the profane to the sacred... When I pre-ordered Comedy by the Numbers from its publisher, McSweeney's, I also picked up a curious little book called The New Sins by David Byrne (yes, that's Mr. Big Suit of Talking Heads fame). The New Sins is another parody of textual format, but in this case it aims for the heavens instead of the belly: the book is quite literally a mock up of those freebie bilingual bibles you may have seen, with gold foil stamped lettering imprinted on a faux red-leather cover. Indeed, as a sort of public art performance, Byrne placed copies this book anonymously in hotel rooms during the 2001 Valencia Biennial. Now it's available for sale, "with 9% more sin," in a revised Spanish/English paperback edition. Blasphemy? Not exactly. The New Sins fictionally purports to originate in newly-discovered ancient scrolls "that seem to imply a negation of vices and [offer] a missing set of sins." It presents itself as a translation of the original tongue of a lost tribe from Croatia. It's a fiction that presents itself as sacred text -- and this may be the argument that Byrne wants to make about all sacred texts, too, though he means no disrespect: to Byrne fictional metaphors are potent and meaningful. Indeed, this book is a very poetic and philosophical musing on the spirit and the true meaning of suffering...and it's quite funny, too. Byrne's book is a thought experiment, and reading the various sins in its catalog ("charity, a sense of humor, beauty, ambition, thrift..." -- yes, he turns what we assume to be virtue on its head) was an experience that for me felt like I was reading an expanded album cover from one of the Talking Heads' old records...while sitting in a cathedral. Byrne' s photos, collages and colorful artwork throughout the text are just as important as the writing. The intended meanings are impenetrable, yet they get you to reconsider what you already assume about vice and virtue and religious belief. Although it does make the argument that "heaven and hell do not exist...they are metaphors," the book never tries to substitute a dogmatic belief system of its own. It is purposefully written in a way that is wide open to reader interpretation (in the necessary section called "How to Use this Book," Byrne writes that "the pictures in this book will explain what the text obscures. The text is merely a distraction, a set of brakes, a device to get you to look at the pictures for longer than you would ordinarily.") Cool. It is, in sum, a weirdly fascinating and inspiring book about books and how we rely on words and icons to sustain our faith. And like Comedy by the Numbers, it also got my creative engines running at full speed, producing new story ideas involving the supernatural. Both fake books are now available cheap (under $15 ea.) from The McSweeney's Store: <a href="http://store.mcsweeneys.net">http://store.mcsweeneys.net</a> Or visit these web sites: Comedy by the Numbers: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/comedybythenumbers">http://www.myspace.com/comedybythenumbers</a> and if you want interactivity: <a href="http://www.comedybythenumbers.com">http://www.comedybythenumbers.com</a> The New Sins: <a href="http://www.davidbyrne.com/art/new_sins/index.php">http://www.davidbyrne.com/art/new_sins/index.php</a> *** If you are disappointed because I didn't specifically recommend a HORROR book to read, why not drop by my excessively annotated list of "Must-Have Horror Anthologies" that was published recently in the Horror Fiction News Network's "Reading Room"? There's plenty there for your reader's eyes to chew on till next time. <a href="http://readingroom.horrorfictionnews.com/">http://readingroom.horrorfictionnews.com/</a> ======================== BOO COUPONS Whew, you made it through the whole issue. And guess what? It actually pays to scroll this far down. THE LIBRARYTHING ON THE DOORSTEP! Between last issue and this one, I joined a great site for book lovers, called LibraryThing -- an online place for you to catalog, share, and discuss your books with others. See my profile at <a href="http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen">http://www.librarything.com/profile/arnzen</a> and you can snoop around in part of my personal library. (I have even 'tagged' every book I've reviewed in The Goreletter there (look for the tag 'goreletter'), so you can learn more about it.) And guess what? LibraryThing is offering the FIRST TWENTY Goreletter subscribers a free upgrade to an unlimited one year account! All you have to do is go to <a href="http://www.librarything.com/">http://www.librarything.com/</a> and sign in to create a new FREE (200 book limit) account. Then, if you have more than 200 books you want to add, simply e-mail me the link to your new profile at <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a> and I'll let them know to upgrade you to the ONE YEAR membership (unlimited books) for free! First come, first served (and limited to new LT memberships only), so get on it now. Are You FICTIONWISE? Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, which is updated weekly. This week's specials include futuristic stories by Norman Spinrad, zombie stories by Eric S. Brown, horror by Dean Koontz and an electronic edition of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Fictionwise is also currently the only way to get some of my out-of-print books, like Paratabloids. <a href="http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/">http://www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</a> <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint">http://www.gorelets.com/biowiki/index.php?n=Category.OutOfPrint</a> RAW DOG SCREAMS AND SCREAMS AGAIN Raw Dog Screaming Press is offering $5 off any pre-ordered bundled of Audiovile and 100 Jolts in hardcover, which you can get at this page <a href="http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html">http://www.rawdogscreaming.com/jolts_hc.html</a> ======================== All material in The Goreletter is © 2007 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For reprint permissions of individual pieces, please contact <a href="mailto:arnzen@gorelets.com">arnzen@gorelets.com</a>. Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 36. Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: <a href="http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm">http://www.horror.org/stokers.htm</a> Subscribe, unsubscribe, or read back issues: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com">http://www.gorelets.com</a> Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, get extras, or just add us to your RSS reader: <a href="http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/">http://blogs.setonhill.edu/Arnzenews/</a> Visit Arnzen's space for pictures, sounds, and doohickeys: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/arnzen">http://www.myspace.com/arnzen</a> Our surrealist product endorsement: <a href="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter">http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter</a> With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: <a href="http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm">http://www.gorelets.com/demos/goreletbuttons.htm</a> ======================== PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS The Petting Zoophobia "In an aversion to animals the predominant feeling is fear of being recognized by them through contact. The horror that stirs deep in man is an obscure awareness that in him something lives so akin to the animal that it might be recognized. All disgust is originally disgust at touching." -- Walter Benjamin (died 1940) ======================== -- The following information is a reminder of your current mailing list subscription: You are subscribed to the following list: The Goreletter using the following email: example@example.com You may automatically unsubscribe from this list at any time by visiting the following URL: <<a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/u/goreletter/&gt</a>; If the above URL is inoperable, make sure that you have copied the entire address. Some mail readers will wrap a long URL and thus break this automatic unsubscribe mechanism. You may also change your subscription by visiting this list's main screen: <<a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/goreletter&gt">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/goreletter&gt</a>; If you're still having trouble, please contact the list owner at: <<a href="mailto:gorelets@gorelets.com&gt">mailto:gorelets@gorelets.com&gt</a>; Mailing List Powered by Dada Mail <a href="http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/what_is_dada_mail/">http://gorelets.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/what_is_dada_mail/</a>

Subscribe to The Goreletter via email by entering your email address below: