goreletter:cibophobia
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goreletter:cibophobia [2013/11/25 14:26] – [INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS] marnzen | goreletter:cibophobia [2013/11/29 12:02] (current) – marnzen | ||
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 7.01 | January 13, 2013 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Cibophobia** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | + THE RETURN OF THE FRIDGE OF THE DAMNED\\ | ||
+ | I have joined forces with indie publisher Raw Dog Screaming Press and horror flash fiction site MicroHorror.com to launch a Kickstarter campaign to bring the nefarious " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Long-time readers of The Goreletter might remember that the damned fridge was a webpage where visitors could make their own poems out of " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Visit our Kickstarter page BEFORE FEB 1st to help us fund this project. You will be amply rewarded. Any pledge gets a copy of the complete and expanded INSTIGATION in ebook form (see below for more news about that). For as little as $10, you get a set of magnets. Higher reward levels can get you collectible books, very rare CDs, cool personalized postcards, amazing art...even a real mini-fridge, | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Fridge is already about 2/3 funded for the basic set. But if we can reach $2700, every magnet kit will come packaged in its own customized tin box. I really want to see that happen! Will you help us? | ||
+ | |||
+ | Check out the excitement and please pledge at: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Even if you can't donate, I hope you will help me spread the word to anyone you think might be interested, including your blog readers and social network. Your word of mouth is all we've got. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + THE GORELETS OMNIBUS\\ | ||
+ | If you're a fan of this newsletter, then this is YOUR book. The Gorelets Omnibus is a huge treasury of all the poetry and short-shorts I've ever posted online over the past decade and includes your favorite features from the Goreletter in a fine bound volume. It's a very big retrospective, | ||
+ | |||
+ | + MASTICATION PUBLICATIONS\\ | ||
+ | In the early 90s, when I first got into publishing, I released two print chapbooks (CHEW and the PSYCHOS anthology), with occasional ephemera released over the twenty years since then. This Christmas, Renate and I reinvested in the imprint and our plan is to make sure that you can get Arnzen titles across all ebook formats that other publishers might not have released, along with new creative work that lives up to our motto: " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our initial effort this Spring, will be the ebook mentioned earlier in the newsletter -- INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | You probably already know Instigation as that long-standing department in The Goreletter where I offer a handful of creative writing prompts (e.g., " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But soon INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you pledge to help fund the Fridge of the Damned before the end of January, you will automatically reserve your copy...for as little as a buck! If not, the ebook will be offered for sale across all platforms in the future. To learn news of this and other Mastication releases, head over to http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | When you subscribe to Mastication' | ||
+ | |||
+ | MEAT SHOTS is actually a design thesis by microhorror.com founder, Nathan Rosen, who experimented with representing the ideas from the poems and shorts-shorts in the graphic design of the book itself. Every page is like a little work of art. This represents one of my goals with Mastication Publications, | ||
+ | |||
+ | You can read more about both books (Instigation and Meat Shots) on my updated bibliography page here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + PLAY DEAD -- REISSUE COMING THIS SUMMER! \\ | ||
+ | My second novel, Play Dead, was released back in 2005 in a hardcover run only. Raw Dog Screaming Press plans to reissue the title this June in both paperback and ebook editions, with a new cover design by Nathan Rosen. RDSP also is planning to release my collection, 100 Jolts, in previously unavailable ebook formats, like the Kindle. News to come soon! Keep your eyes on http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + THE POPULAR UNCANNY\\ | ||
+ | I continue to blog about this topic, which is a non-fiction academic study I'm trying to update in the year ahead. I was kindly invited to Neumann University last Halloween to give a campus lecture on the topic, and it was an unforgettable experience. You can see photos and read more about it here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + ARNZEN RELEASES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED | ||
+ | |||
+ | Studies in Horror Film - The Exorcist | ||
+ | |||
+ | Diabolique Magazine (#s 13 & 14) http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Fear the Abyss http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hazard Yet Forward | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dark Highways | ||
+ | |||
+ | The 5-2 Crime Poetry Weekly | ||
+ | |||
+ | Many Genres, One Craft http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====JOIN MY ANTI-SOCIAL NETWORK==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | GrueTube | ||
+ | |||
+ | DeFacebook | ||
+ | |||
+ | Twitcher | ||
+ | |||
+ | sickr http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Goo+ https:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Other http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | An Interview with the Chicken Burrito I Just Ate | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Yum. How is it down there? \\ | ||
+ | A: Cozy and warm. I like it. I was getting cold on that plate, as you know. I'm feeling a little chewed out today, but this place is just right. Your body temperature reminds me of the old days. You know, like, when I had a body myself. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Body? So I'm speaking with the chicken in my burrito, not the whole thing? \\ | ||
+ | A: Chickens, actually. Bits of random birds...and that includes the roosters, too. But we speak as one. The beans and rice and other stuff in here is no different than the stuff we used to eat ourselves. It's kind of like a chicken stomach explosion inside a burrito, actually. Your stomach is but another tortilla as far as we're concerned, and we're digging it. Glad you enjoyed us, too. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Sorry. I was hungry. But if it's any consolation, | ||
+ | A: Naturally. We love to eat as much as the next guy. In fact, we just might keep doing it in here. Plenty of peppers and beans and rice here to go around. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: So...chickens are herbivores, eh? I always wondered about that. \\ | ||
+ | A: No, we're omnivores. We'll peck at anything. It's just usually easier to eat things that can't eat us first. Judging by your stomach contents, I'm sure you can identify. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: You calling me a chicken? I wasn't afraid to eat you.\\ | ||
+ | A: You've only just begun to digest me. I still might surprise you. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: You said you were an omnivore. I got you from a placed called Chipotle. Ever eat there? \\ | ||
+ | A: Very funny, you clucking bastard. All I can tell you is that I don't get why they call it Chipotle when they don't give you any actual chipotle sauce with the meal. Sure, they baste the meat with some, but that pretty much fries off right away. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Wow, I never thought of that. \\ | ||
+ | A: Having it seared into me, I probably know more about chipotle than you ever will, smart guy. Sheesh. Typical man. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Huh? Are you calling me a sexist? \\ | ||
+ | A: No, most of us here like you. It's just that the roosters are a little upset. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: I'll just go back to calling you a burrito then. \\ | ||
+ | A: " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: So..." | ||
+ | A: It actually means " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Oh, like in a " | ||
+ | A: Exactly. There' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: So a Chicken Burrito is a weird name, after all. You're a " | ||
+ | A: Nah. It's cool. Words and looks seldom align. Case in point: your face look like a bull's butt, but your name is still Arnzen. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Touche' | ||
+ | A: Cluck. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: I apologize for calling you names. But you really ought to blame Chipotle for the whole Chicken vs. Rooster thing. They put you on the menu. And besides, I'm guessing you probably aren't a Mexican chicken, either, are you? \\ | ||
+ | A: Am I speaking Spanish, Esse? | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Well...you just did. A little. \\ | ||
+ | A: Sorry. Must be the chipotle talking, Esse. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Why do you keep saying " | ||
+ | A: It's Hispanic slang for " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: No. \\ | ||
+ | A: Whatevz, Esse. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Do be upset. I feel bad. Anything I can do for you? \\ | ||
+ | A: No. Don't do a thing. Not unless you want to microwave yourself so we can move on to the next stomach. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: That doesn' | ||
+ | A: Plenty! First, Poultrygeist was a genius idea for a movie. Thank you for making it, humans. Second, there should be more zombie chicken movies. I mean, come on, there has to be something supernatural within us, some unseen force that keeps us alive so long after our heads are chopped off. We've got the zombie gene, Esse! Only better, because if you shoot us in the heads we won't die. With just a little organization, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Hold on. Um...you' | ||
+ | A: Yes. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: And I just ate one. Some. The chopped up bits, I mean. \\ | ||
+ | A: Yes. And you're also talking to us right now, even though a part of you knows that we really should be dead. But we're not. Of all the humans out there, surely you can understand what this ultimately means. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: I think so. I have been absorbing you all along. Becoming you. Once I'm done digesting you, I'm going to turn a little bit zombie, too. Maybe a lot. Right? \\ | ||
+ | A: You catch on quick, Esse. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q: Not if I puke right now! \\ | ||
+ | A: Toooo laaaate... [gurgle-gurgle]. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Q&A: Be-gawwwk! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Two survivors. Adrift at sea. On a raft for days. Starvation sets in. Mike Lacher at Wonder-Tonic.com asks: Who will resort to cannibalism first? | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | [And I wish Mr. Lacher all the best in fixing The Streetview Zombie Apocalypse game at http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Timing the Headshot | ||
+ | |||
+ | drink\\ | ||
+ | fight fear\\ | ||
+ | almost undead\\ | ||
+ | bite shotgun\\ | ||
+ | fire\\ | ||
+ | shatter teeth\\ | ||
+ | suck\\ | ||
+ | taste brain\\ | ||
+ | crave\\ | ||
+ | more\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | The above is one of a series of fridge magnet poems I'm posting regularly this month on the flickr promotional page for The Fridge of the Damned: | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN APPEARANCES==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "World Horror Convention and Bram Stoker Award Weekend\\ | ||
+ | June 13-16, 2013 | New Orleans, LA\\ | ||
+ | TENTATIVE plans to attend\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | "In Your Write Mind" Book Signing\\ | ||
+ | June 29, 2013 | Greensburg, PA\\ | ||
+ | PLAY DEAD reissue release date! Arnzen will sign books at the "In Your Write Mind" workshop at Seton Hill University' | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | July 19-21, 2013 | Pittsburgh, PA\\ | ||
+ | Arnzen will be attending Confluence: The 25th Annual Literary Sci-Fi Convention in Pittsburgh, PA (Airport Holiday Inn) July 19th - 21st, 2013. Readings, signings, panel appearances expected. | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | Sept. 19-22, 2013 | Las Vegas, NV\\ | ||
+ | Arnzen will be attending KillerCon V to be held at the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Sept. 19-22nd, 2013. Readings, book signings and panel appearances expected. < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DICTIONSCARY==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Phlegm rhymes with gem, stem, and them...words that sound normal enough. In fact, it wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | It is a perfect word. Perfectly disgusting. Phlegm sounds like we're sneezing from our stomachs. Its very look on the page is akin to a mucous membrane, viscous and slimy. Compared to its simple sister, " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Expecting? Expectorating? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Other Damned Refrigerators | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Fridge Peep Show\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Freezer Friday by Charlie Layton\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Abandoned Appliances Flickr Group\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Fridge Monster by Daywalt Fear Factory\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Undying Horror of the Refrigerator\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Onomatopoeia Gone Wild! | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | Sssssss (Kowalski, 1973)\\ | ||
+ | Kaw (Wilson, 2007)\\ | ||
+ | Eegah (Hall, 1962)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | This triple feature brought to you by Jeffrey Thomas' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====THE CONTESTATORIUM==== | ||
+ | I know goodreads.com is all the rage for social networking among readers, and I maintain an active account there, but I'm still a big fan of LibraryThing.com, | ||
+ | |||
+ | So here's the challenge for this month' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Write as many haiku as you like, but your name will only be entered twice in the hopper for haikuing. You can double your entries if you both post it to the LibraryThing site and also tweet your haiku on twitter using the hashtag #bookhaiku | ||
+ | |||
+ | E-mail me a link to let me know if you've done any of this and I'll record your entries. If you do not want to join LibraryThing to participate, | ||
+ | |||
+ | BONUS: You get 1 bonus entry if you enter haiku AND your name appears on the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Haiku, as you no doubt already know, is generally made up of three lines -- structured in 5/7/5 syllables. You can bend the rules, I don't care. | ||
+ | |||
+ | LibraryThing is free to join -- visit http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | THE PRIZES: \\ | ||
+ | The first five entrants to email me their haiku win a free signed/ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Three randomly drawn winners will receive ALL THREE of these prizes (e.g. anyone can win, no matter how good or bad the haiku!): | ||
+ | |||
+ | + A signed copy of the hefty how-to book, Many Genres, One Craft: Lessons in Writing Popular Fiction! | ||
+ | |||
+ | + An uncased DVD of the film based on Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | + A signed (unreleased/ | ||
+ | |||
+ | Drawing to occur on 2/15/13. Act soon, or miss your chance for these rare collectible items! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Begin with a Woman... | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...defiantly shaking a phantom (or prosthetic) arm at the heavens. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...requesting plastic surgery to make her something LESS (beautiful, endowed, perfect, etc). | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...who reads more than she should into her "time of the month." | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...discovering something alive in the meat drawer. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...in love with a man BECAUSE he survived her murder attempt. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...applying mascara to a corpse. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...alienated by the newborn creature in her arms. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...baking a dangerous cake. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin with a woman...and end with a man. | ||
+ | |||
+ | You can post whatever this instigates -- or news of any publication that results -- here: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | And remember to be on the lookout for the Instigation ebook to come in 2013! | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====AS YOU LIKE IT==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | You really like my work, but it doesn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked LICKER ...\\ | ||
+ | you'll like DEAD CLOWN BARBECUE by Jeff Strand\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked 100 JOLTS ...\\ | ||
+ | you'll like HERDING RAVENS by Christopher Conlon\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS ...\\ | ||
+ | you'll like VOICES by Lawrence C. Connolly\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked RIGORMAROLE: | ||
+ | you'll like AIM FOR THE HEAD edited by Rob Sturma\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked THE GORELETS OMNIBUS ...\\ | ||
+ | you'll like THE MONSTRANCE by Bryan D. Dietrich\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which includes cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | Your reward for scrolling down to the end this issue is a discounted and signed copy of the out-of-print anthology THOU SHALT NOT (ed. Lee Allen Howard, Dark Cloud Press). This 400 page book includes the only appearance of my short story " | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's yours, signed by me, for just $8 postage paid ($18 international). Paypal to gorelets@gorelets.com (credit cards accepted) or inquire via email about payment by check. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is (c) 2013 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 43. Published: intermittently. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | p.s. The last issue was sent over a year ago, so if you thought you missed an issue, you haven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Thank you for being a loyal subscriber! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Deadizen Kane | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I rejoice in the presence of death because I think it's what makes life brilliant and beautiful. And without it, the world would be ridiculous. I'm interested in it from every point of view. My interest in it has not dimmed with its approach." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
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