goreletter:oddly_chilling_thoughts
Differences
This shows you the differences between two versions of the page.
Both sides previous revisionPrevious revisionNext revision | Previous revision | ||
goreletter:oddly_chilling_thoughts [2013/11/29 11:38] – marnzen | goreletter:oddly_chilling_thoughts [2015/02/22 04:53] (current) – marnzen | ||
---|---|---|---|
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 2 #5, Jan. 19, 2004 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Oddly Chilling Thoughts** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Oddly Chilling Thoughts | ||
+ | |||
+ | + There' | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Snow is a blanket. Ice is sheet. Winter is the earth' | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Freezers preserve meat. Thus, I believe hungry space aliens with a technology beyond our imaginations are responsible for the winter chill. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + They say time and time again to never eat yellow snow. But I think it's the red snow you have to worry about. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Why do they call frozen body tissue " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + The early symptom of impending frostbite is called " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + I don't believe in the Abominable Snowman. But I pretend to, just so I can say the word " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + I don't trust the people who sing " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + I learned in science class that the best way to save someone from hypothermia is to strip and snuggle nude with them. I vaguely recall some point about the "body heat" being better than a blanket or a shot of cocoa. This explains why men die from hypothermia three times as often as women do in the US. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Why is a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + If you dream of white Christmases and sing "let it snow" every season, I challenge you to spend your next holiday up on the North Pole. See if Santa bothers to offer you shelter. You'll change your tune pretty fast, I think. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Have you ever heard the term " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Cryogenics sounds sad to me. But don't be sad, Mr. Icy Corpse...there' | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Avalanche is a great word. Its onomatopoeia is horrific. The very syllables bring to mind a Frenchman tumbling down a mountainside, | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Sick torture idea #238: A murderer buries someone alive beneath a ton of snow, and then starts melting it rapidly with a blow torch so that by the time the victim starts asphyxiating, | ||
+ | |||
+ | + If you can see your breath, you're still alive. But once your eyeballs crack like ice cubes, you're probably a lost cause, no matter how much steam you aspire. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Icicles are the roof's revenge. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Brains float in cranial fluid. Fluids freeze solid. Draw your own conclusions. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent:\\ | ||
+ | Donovan' | ||
+ | They Saved Hitler' | ||
+ | The Man with Two Brains (1983)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Meet Gory Gary | ||
+ | |||
+ | Remember the good old Garbage Pail Kids? They' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hop right to the site and get started on procreating your own offbeat offspring: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Or step right up and see Gory Gary, the Gorelets Poster Child: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | [Requires the Flash MX player, a plug-in which will auto-install in your web browser if you don't have it already.] | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Begin a piece by describing an object that a character refuses to throw away. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + You've been dead for ten years. If you somehow were able to return, what would you immediately do upon resurrection? | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Write about the surprisingly dire consequences of not following a common warning (mattress tag? street sign? washing label? it's up to you!) | ||
+ | |||
+ | Instigation is a WEEKLY department in Hellnotes newsletter: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know at arnzen@gorelets.com and I'll mention it here! Or if you're bold (and willing to forfeit electronic rights), post your response to a prompt at the new Goreletter weblog by clicking on the word " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you were somehow dissatisfied by Stephen King's book, On Writing, you might want to try to hunt down a hardcover memoir by a horror author named Gary A. Braunbeck, published last May by Wildside Press. The book, Fear in a Handful of Dust: Horror as a Way of Life, is everything On Writing should have been. One part memoir, one part writing workshop and one part film class, Braunbeck' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Like so many writers in the genre today, the specter of Stephen King haunts Gary A. Braunbeck. In fact, the clever opening chapter of Fear is a film script that depicts a writer being chided by a copy of King's books on a nearby shelf, books which talk and dance and tease him for repeating what King has already done. It's an hilarious allegory for the contemporary horror writer' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Though Braunbeck can certainly be funny, the book is far more serious than its humorous opening chapter suggests. Fear in a Handful of Dust is an earnest -- if at times, moody -- exploration of the dark side, and this level of seriousness is what makes Fear more satisfying for horror fans than King's On Writing. Braunbeck confesses openly, but avoids the self-absorbed blathering of many other memoirists. He is searching for the hot nugget of truth buried inside the bologna like the best of them. At the same time, he celebrates the genre as a sort of personal therapy and grand social ritual. He writes like a teacher, discussing films and books which had a profound influence on his aesthetic, as he builds a case for why we should take horror seriously. His love for well-crafted writing is contagious. The chapter on " | ||
+ | |||
+ | One thing that made this book unique, I felt, was the close analysis of genre art films. Reading Fear made me want to run right out to the video store and spend more time with some classics. Braunbeck' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Even more compelling than the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | < | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | 2 BRAINY HAIKRUEL | ||
+ | |||
+ | Eerie Gyri | ||
+ | |||
+ | guilt jitters around\\ | ||
+ | the maze of her lobes, a rat\\ | ||
+ | scrambling for exit\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sulky Sulci | ||
+ | |||
+ | sausages of brain\\ | ||
+ | plunge through the hole in her head --\\ | ||
+ | straightening out her thoughts\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++THE RETURN OF FREAKCIDENTS\\ | ||
+ | I'm happy to announce that Shocklines Press is now publishing Freakcidents: | ||
+ | |||
+ | feoamante.com: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sidereality: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | B-Independent: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dream People: " | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Strange Horizons: "Raw meat, and raw experience....an effective poetry" | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ~preorder here: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ~see GAK run: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++THE BUZZ FOR 100 JOLTS\\ | ||
+ | Back cover blurbs for my book, 100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories, have come in and the book has finally gone to press (anticipate an April release for the trade paperback). Here's what folks are saying: | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | "100 Jolts delivers far more than is promised by its title; with this magnificent collection of literate and disturbing short-shorts, | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Name your nightmare. Michael Arnzen delivers stories for every possible taste in horror. He can be witty and subtle on one page, then icky and overwhelming on the next. The subjects of these compact stories range from the beloved horror tropes that don't really scare us, such as vampires, to our real fears, such as alienation, to things we hadn't thought to worry about until reading the story, such as skeletal dis-articulation. 100 Jolts is a substantial library of horror fiction in one book." -- Bruce Holland Rogers, author of Wind Over Heaven | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | You can preorder a signed copy of 100 Jolts now for just $12.95. Visit the publisher for more information http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++GRAVE MARKINGS SELLING OUT FAST\\ | ||
+ | My Bram Stoker Award-winning first novel, Grave Markings, is being reprinted this April as part of Delirium Books' "Dark Essential" | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Dark Essentials: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Dark Visions of artist Mike Bohatch: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++GORELETS: | ||
+ | I was pleasantly surprised to see that my chapbook, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems, has garnered a number of recommendations for the 2003 Bram Stoker Award... it might even make the final ballot with a few more. Thanks to all of you reading this who supported my work in this way. If you don't know what Gorelets is all about, drop by any of these sites to learn more about the book: | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++PETTING THE DOGWITCH\\ | ||
+ | Imagine if Ash (from the Evil Dead series) was a woman. Even better: imagine she was a kinky goth with an exhibitionist streak -- a witch, no less, with a pair of animated dolls for friends and a never-ending stream of demon suitors. Well, if you can imagine such an insane premise, then you have some idea of what you'll find in Dogwitch, UK artist Dan Schaffer' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++MAN EATING PLANT HONORED\\ | ||
+ | My short-short story, "How to Grow a Man-Eating Plant" took third place in the reader' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++GET ILL\\ | ||
+ | Sick: An Anthology of Illness has been released by RDS Publishing and it's a fascinatingly morbid collection of short fiction. I've got a little piece in their called "On the Filthy Floor" -- a disturbing look at cancer and hidden hotel room horrors. I think Forest Aguirre' | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++BRAIN CANDY\\ | ||
+ | My flash fiction, "Brain Candy," | ||
+ | |||
+ | BRAIN CANDY by Michael A. Arnzen | ||
+ | |||
+ | He was a goner. So I shot him in the face and his head burst like a flesh pinada, spraying the zombie kiddies with its brain candy. This slowed them all down as they raked inside the emptied husk of fruit on its shoulders. Then they tore at one another for the morsels on one another' | ||
+ | |||
+ | To subscribe to FlashShot, send an e-mail to < | ||
+ | |||
+ | For more on 100 Jolts, visit the publisher http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++COMING SOON\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | Look for appearances soon in: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Flash Fantastic http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hellnotes http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Yellow Bat http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Mirrors in Flame < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Macabre < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Talebones < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Carmel Coated Freakshow | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sugar\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Daddy\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sugar\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Babies\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It actually pays to scroll this far down. | ||
+ | |||
+ | SUPER SHOCKLINES SPECIAL\\ | ||
+ | Until March 1st, 2004, you can get $3 off Harold Jaffe' | ||
+ | |||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | WISE FICTIONWISE DEAL\\ | ||
+ | Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, | ||
+ | |||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | HAPPY LITTLE GORELETS\\ | ||
+ | Fairwood Press is offering an exclusive discount to Goreletter subscribers. You can get a $1.50 off the standard edition of my shiny new chapbook, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems -- or $3 off Gorelets with the purchase of any other title! To get the discount, browse around Fairwood' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | DARK ANIMUS DELIVERED\\ | ||
+ | Mention "The Arnzen Special" | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | WRITE AGAIN DISCOUNTED AGAIN!\\ | ||
+ | Asmoday Enterprises has kindly extended their offer: Get 10% of the writer' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2004 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged. For reprint permissions of individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Simple Truth | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Life is hard. After all, it kills you." | ||
+ | -- Katherine Hepburn (died 2003) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |