goreletter:of_mice_and_tentacles
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 6.01 | Oct 31, 2009 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Of Mice and Tentacles** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | ====HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2009!==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's my 20th anniversary as a published author, and this issue launches the SIXTH volume of The Goreletter! To celebrate, I'm giving away a free e-book: SPORTUARY, an electronic chapbook of sports-related horror poetry, long unavailable and out-of-print, | ||
+ | |||
+ | The ebook is available in .pdf and .mobi/ | ||
+ | |||
+ | I've also posted a few fun audio samples online, taken from a recent reading I gave to students at Seton Hill University at a Halloween event. Listen to some of my new unpublished pieces and share in the laughter here: | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | THANK YOU for reading and instigating my bizarre imaginings all these many years. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Return of the Son of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies | ||
+ | |||
+ | Cthulhu the Obscure\\ | ||
+ | A Connecticut Devil in King Arthur' | ||
+ | The Golden Bowl of Blood\\ | ||
+ | The Isle of Dr. Moreau and Mr. Hyde\\ | ||
+ | As I Lay Resurrecting\\ | ||
+ | Creature from the Walden Pond\\ | ||
+ | Of Mice and Tentacles\\ | ||
+ | A Midsummer Night' | ||
+ | Jane Weyrewolf\\ | ||
+ | Oedipus Rex: The Boy With the X-Ray Eyes\\ | ||
+ | Uncle Tom's Cannibal Cabin\\ | ||
+ | A Poison Clockwork Orange\\ | ||
+ | Rabid Animal Farm\\ | ||
+ | Lord of the Giant Flies\\ | ||
+ | Clone King Richard the Thirtieth\\ | ||
+ | A Morgue of One's Own\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | With irreverence for Quirk Classics: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | 1980's Bad Guy: Gene Simmons | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | Never Too Young To Die (Bettman, 1986)\\ | ||
+ | Wanted: Dead or Alive (Sherman, 1986)\\ | ||
+ | Runaway (Crichton, 1984)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====THE CONTESTATORIUM==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | H.C. Zuerner won an autographed copy of Audiovile for being my 500th follower on twitter. Scott Colbert, Joshua Byrnes and Will Prescott all won signed copies of Skull Fragments for responding to a shout-out on twitter. Follow my tweets and you never know if I'll throw up a prize (figuratively and literally)! | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Last issue, I asked you to post your own "Pithy Morbid Thoughts" | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified like his passengers." | ||
+ | – Bob Monkhouse (died December 2003) | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read them ALL here, for your personal edification and/or deadification: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Time for a new contest. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The prizes are VERY rare collector' | ||
+ | |||
+ | 1st prize gets one of the "test design" | ||
+ | |||
+ | 2nd prize gets a signed deck of Play Dead playing cards. These cards feature art by David Liscomb, inspired by images in my novel PLAY DEAD. They were included with the "Grim Grimoire" | ||
+ | |||
+ | 3rd prize gets a signed " | ||
+ | |||
+ | So what do you have to do to win one of these rare treasures? | ||
+ | |||
+ | Easy. Write a new " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Every entry I am told about via e-mail will be assigned a number, and I will use the number generator at http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Nothing to lose! And it's easier to win than you think. Here's the kicker: | ||
+ | |||
+ | THE FIRST 30 REVIEWS GET A FREE AUTOGRAPHED/ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | BOSS HORROR\\ | ||
+ | Darkness on the Edge -- tales inspired by Bruce Springsteen songs -- will be out soon. It features my story, "The Hungry Heart," | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | WEIRD FOR CHARITY\\ | ||
+ | Last Drink Bird Head is the title of a new anthology of flash fiction edited by Jeff and Ann Vandermeer that's not only a great collection of surreal and strange short stories, but also a donation to a charitable cause. Contributors include me, Peter Straub, Caitlin R. Kiernan, Brian Evenson, Gene Wolfe, Hal Duncan, Jeffrey Ford, Stephen R. Donaldson, K.J. Bishop, Michael Swanwick, Ellen Kushner, Daniel Abraham, Jay Lake, Liz Williams, Tanith Lee, Conrad Williams...over 80 writers in total! The design of this collectible is great (it even features a neat flipbook in the margins) and the cover art by Scott Eagle is phenomenal. Here's the kicker: all proceeds go to proliteracy.org, | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | LEARN THE CRAFT OF THE CRYPT\\ | ||
+ | The Writer' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | SPEWING ADVICE\\ | ||
+ | Speaking of teaching, I'll be running some writing classes in the year ahead that might be of interest to some of you. For one thing, the graduate program in " | ||
+ | Links: | ||
+ | |||
+ | WPF: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ODYSSEY: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ALPHA: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | AN INTERSPEW\\ | ||
+ | Check out Karen Newman’s new interview with me at The Black Glove review website. The questions get personal, and I talk about being born in Amityville, my amateur writing days when I was in the Army, zombies (always zombies), and more: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | SPEW AND SPEW AGAIN\\ | ||
+ | Look around and you might spot my work in some new books coming out this Fall. I'll appear in the "spoon river horror poetry anthology," | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====SKINDLE==== | ||
+ | I want you to buy a Kindle -- well, any of the new ebook readers coming out, like the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | I explain in detail why I think you should get a Kindle here: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Keep watching these pages for available ebook versions of my work in the future: | ||
+ | Arnzen e-books at Amazon: | ||
+ | Arnzen e-books at Fictionwise: | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Freaky Faces | ||
+ | |||
+ | We Have Band music video\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | James Kuhn's Unbeatable Facepaint Videos\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The World Bodypainting Festival Galleries\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DICTIONSCARY==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Tap-tap-tap. Class, pay attention. I'm going to teach you a new word today. | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's called " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gavage. Do any of you know what it means? | ||
+ | |||
+ | No, Jimmy, it's not the trash you run over in your garage. | ||
+ | |||
+ | No, Mary, it's not a battlefield dressing invented during the French revolution. | ||
+ | |||
+ | What's that, Patty? No. Absolutely not. That's not even humanly possible. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Take notes, class. " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Um...yes, Mary? | ||
+ | |||
+ | I don't know what a beer bong is, but I highly doubt it. Gavage is a technique used in emergency rooms, not pubs. A gavage can save the life of the malnourished. On the other hand, it has also been used for despicable reasons. Does anyone here know what foie gras is? | ||
+ | |||
+ | No Jimmy, it's not frog water. | ||
+ | |||
+ | No, Mary, it's not force feeding people frog legs in France. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Yes, Patty! My gosh, you're right! It's the liver of a goose that has been force fed grain over and over again -- through gavage -- until the organ is bursting with rich, buttery flavor. I had no idea you were such a gourmet! | ||
+ | |||
+ | Because it relies on gavage, foie gras is extremely controversial. Animal rights activists protest the practice, while some chefs argue that all the animals we feed on are already subject to... | ||
+ | |||
+ | [Sigh.] Yes, Patty? What's that? You call it "moi gras"? I'm not sure what that means, but see me after class, please. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Okay, everyone. Let's move to the next lesson. Open your books to page 96, " | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | History of gavage: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | "La Gavage" | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Scuttlebuggery | ||
+ | |||
+ | Scuttlebuggery is a stylishly steampunk online promotional game for the goth band Johnny Hollow, brought to you by the geniuses at My Pet Skeleton Productions (maker of "A Murder of Scarecrows" | ||
+ | |||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Thanks to Blue Tea for calling attention to this game in their Halloween Roundup: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | See also: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====TWITTER LITTER==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | According to google, I now blort 4.8 items a day to twitter, when I probably should be writing something more meaty and less tweetie instead. But sometimes what I blort is, upon reflection, worth reblortitating here, all over again. (If you want to get short blurts like these live, 4.8 times a day, join twitter.com and search for " | ||
+ | |||
+ | What's worse: your doppelganger, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Nothing worse than a SAD zombie clown. Especially the kind in a velvet paint-by-numbers portrait. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "While Brushing": | ||
+ | |||
+ | @wdprescott Good post. I say we are ALL "the balloon animals of horror." | ||
+ | |||
+ | I have a coaster by my computer that says "Sam Adams: Don't Be Afraid of FLAVOR!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | An ad at Amazon pointed me to " | ||
+ | |||
+ | I am disturbed by the slogan in Unisom sleeping pill ads: "Melt to Sleep" | ||
+ | |||
+ | # | ||
+ | |||
+ | What is the etymology of the phrase "drop off"? It sounds horrifying -- like something Wyle E. Coyote would do, rather than a schoolbus. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Why isn't Imagination the name of a country? In fact, have we stopped naming countries? What -- have we run out of ...imagination? | ||
+ | |||
+ | #homem : "The Final Buzz": bees eat penguins / on cool mountains / above psychotic oceans / of hot water | ||
+ | |||
+ | "We are the Knights who say....Nyarlothep!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | @BrianKeene @Tweet_Shrieks HELL IN A CELL > | ||
+ | |||
+ | # | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | All Chocolate is Chocula | ||
+ | |||
+ | all chocolate is Chocula -- \\ | ||
+ | it seduces with its riches,\\ | ||
+ | wraps your desire in the cape\\ | ||
+ | of your mouth, and invites\\ | ||
+ | the sink of teeth. we never bite\\ | ||
+ | gently; we always suck it\\ | ||
+ | to vapor, feeding on its potency\\ | ||
+ | until we are left only with the empty\\ | ||
+ | pang for more and more and more.\\ | ||
+ | we are undead with diabetes,\\ | ||
+ | obese with our obsession, | ||
+ | unquietly unquenched\\ | ||
+ | while we dwell upon\\ | ||
+ | the mortality of the melt.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | A Double-Take on The New Uncanny | ||
+ | |||
+ | Last year's Shirley Jackson Award winner for "Best Anthology" | ||
+ | |||
+ | The book, essentially, | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you're not familiar with Freud' | ||
+ | |||
+ | What happens, though, is that the reader is put into an evaluative frame-of-mind, | ||
+ | |||
+ | When discussing the tales in The New Uncanny, Page interestingly notes that the majority of the stories feature either the double or the doll most often. This is true, but it does not diminish the quality of the writing. There are " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Another quirky original is Jane Rogers' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Because writers are all offering variation on a theme, without knowing what each other are up to, there is some redundancy among the stories. Gerard Woodward' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I also recommend it for teachers of literature. I actually assigned this book in a recent course I taught in Psychological Horror fiction at Seton Hill University. I asked students to review a story from the book on my other blog, The Popular Uncanny (these include MANY spoilers, however, so read the book before you read their thoughts) at http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The New Uncanny is an attractive and rich 226 page paperback, available for about $8 from amazon: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Funereal Fun | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Describe an operation or autopsy that transpires in total darkness. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Reveal a secret during an open casket funeral. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Discover a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | You can post whatever this instigates -- or news of any publication that results -- here: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====AS YOU LIKE IT==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like FUTILE EFFORTS by Tom Piccirilli\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked HE IS LEGEND ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like THE BOX: UNCANNY STORIES by Richard Matheson\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PLAY DEAD ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like JAKE'S WAKE by John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked SPORTUARY ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like BLOOD LITE edited by Kevin J. Anderson\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PARATABLOIDS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like MORBID CURIOSITY CURES THE BLUES edited by Loren Rhoads \\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked WRITER' | ||
+ | you'll like BOOKLIFE by Jeff Vandermeer\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! | ||
+ | |||
+ | Director Jim Minton has some extra copies of our movie, Exquisite Corpse, available for Goreletter readers at a great Halloween discount: just $8.99 + $2 shipping while they last. You can get one without the case for $5.99 + $2 sh. But you'll want the case. | ||
+ | Trailers and more at < | ||
+ | Make payable to Jim Minton, c/o Jim Minton Design Studio, 3339 Merrell Road, Dallas, TX, 75229. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Get a mint, signed hardcover of my out-of-print novel, PLAY DEAD, for only $22, ppd. Paypal to arnzen@gorelets.com | ||
+ | |||
+ | FREE SKULL FRAGMENTS! \\ | ||
+ | Didn't run out of copies last time so I'm running this deal again (last time!). I'll bundle a free SIGNED copy of my new French-English chapbook, Skull Fragments, together with a sealed copy of my cd, Audiovile for just $15 (outside the USA, $20). That price includes shipping. Paypal me at arnzen@gorelets.com and don't forget to include your delivery address. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DATA+ERRATA==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Last issue I recommended the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2009 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 41. This newsletter is a past recipient of the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | I be a-tweetin': | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | My Heartfelt Thoughts | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Could it think, the heart would stop beating." | ||
+ | -- Fernando Pessoa (died 1935) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |