goreletter:prime_slime
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goreletter:prime_slime [2013/11/25 18:58] – [NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS] marnzen | goreletter:prime_slime [2013/11/29 11:49] (current) – marnzen | ||
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 2 #13, Jan 15, 2005 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Prime Slime** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Prime Slime Purée | ||
+ | |||
+ | I heard on the news the other day that a Cleveland man is suing NBC television for $2.5 million because their program, Fear Factor, made him vomit when they showed contestants drinking a dead rat milkshake. After he puked, he was so light-headed he ran into a doorway and banged his violated head. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Obviously, this is a frivolous lawsuit. I don't need to argue how silly it is, or to go into details about how he hand-wrote the complaint (rife with errors) or how he refuses to speak about the suit " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Clearly this guy's case will be laughed right out of court. But I don't want it to be. I want it to be taken seriously. I want them to make the jury watch the episode and decide for themselves whether or not they feel nauseous. No, better yet: I want the court to make him chug frothing rats directly from the glass blender as a test to see whether or not the jury bumps their heads on their way to the deliberation chamber. If so, give him the same amount that any contestant would get. After all, his case is as much a publicity stunt as any stunt that's performed on the show itself. | ||
+ | |||
+ | But I have to admit, on some level, I do feel sorry for the guy. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I can't stomach some of the things that pass for entertainment on " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Don't get me wrong: I enjoy a good dark documentary once in awhile and they often inspire me as a horror writer. In my line of work, they' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I know that half of you are firing up your web browsers right now and typing in that internet address. But stick with me for a minute. | ||
+ | |||
+ | You'd assume from all that I've confessed that I would have a strong tolerance for images of grue and gristle on the TV screen. And I do. But here's the difference: a documentary is a concentrated study, usually with some point to it (one that typically goes beyond just watching people making a spectacle debasing themselves for profit). Plus, once you start the film rolling you know that you're in for a surprise or two, so you can steel yourself up for it in preparation, | ||
+ | |||
+ | I know what you're thinking. If those shows " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Okay, go ahead -- go over to < | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'm being harsh, and probably making myself sound like a defensive media wimp, but there' | ||
+ | |||
+ | And what disgusts me more, sometimes, is the commercials for dish soap or underarm deodorant that pop up right after the carnage (even though I do sometimes feel the need to clean up afterward). | ||
+ | |||
+ | My wife -- perhaps the gentlest person on the planet -- hates those exploitative gross-out shows as much as I do, but she enjoys watching reality programs on cable. Discovery Channel or Animal Planet are virtual presets on our remote and she often views educational programs like Maternity Ward or anti-cruelty shows Animal Rescue. I admire her intestinal fortitude, because, for me, sometimes, these are the stuff that screams are made of. I'll never forget the time she called me downstairs: "Mike! Come down here! You might want to see this!" I leapt from my computer, thinking there was breaking news. When I stepped into the living room, and heard Leonard Nimoy' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Go ahead and google that one. I dare you. | ||
+ | |||
+ | I still wonder what my wife was thinking. And I'm still very, very nice to her. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Have you seen Extreme Makeover? This is the show that rearranges ugly people' | ||
+ | |||
+ | There' | ||
+ | |||
+ | One of the many things that good horror stories remind us is that there' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Even more related viewing... | ||
+ | |||
+ | Taxidermy: The Art of Imitating Life: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Stupography: | ||
+ | |||
+ | One for the Rats: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | German Corpse Tossing | ||
+ | |||
+ | A German television company, Vox.de, has a pair of fun (and morbidly funny) online games inspired by the HBO television series, Six Feet Under, hidden on their website. Both are twisted javelin competitions, | ||
+ | |||
+ | In one of them, you play a mortician who is removing the pacemaker from a body cavity and throwing it away. Since the instructions are in German, here's how to play: use the spacebar on your keyboard to drop the device, and then hit the spacebar again to bounce it off the trashcan and send the pacemaker flying across the room. (The bloody thing can bounce off of sponges, which you can arrange with your mouse). Click on " | ||
+ | |||
+ | In another, easier, game, you play a hearse driver who is tossing coffins. Accelerate the hearse by hitting the right arrow key rapidly. Once you're off the asphalt, press the spacebar to brake just before you hit a brick wall...and then see how far you've hurled the body. < | ||
+ | |||
+ | (Special thanks to my wife, Renate, who translated the instructions!). | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Artist of The Living Dead | ||
+ | |||
+ | the zombie painter flamboyantly\\ | ||
+ | shambles back to the gallery\\ | ||
+ | to slaughter all the critics with his new show -- \\ | ||
+ | it's a mixed media piece, in pieces,\\ | ||
+ | splattering walls with their brains and licking\\ | ||
+ | yellow clumps off the red speckled canvas\\ | ||
+ | with the flattened horror of his green tongue\\ | ||
+ | which smears with all the flair of a brush.\\ | ||
+ | If they all weren' | ||
+ | they might have called him something\\ | ||
+ | of a post-postmodern Pollock -- \\ | ||
+ | but no matter,\\ | ||
+ | he's no longer a starving artist\\ | ||
+ | and he hasn't a care for their taste\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | In the latter half of 2004, three outstanding horror poetry books came out that deserve a look because each is an example of a horror writer working at the top of their game. In this review, I want to look briefly at one hardback, one trade paperback, and one underground chapbook. Each one satisfied my horror appetite on a different level. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The first is Tom Piccirilli' | ||
+ | |||
+ | An equally accomplished book in every way is Charlee Jacob' | ||
+ | |||
+ | And finally, if you're not afraid of extremes or are looking for something akin to punk rock, I recommend taking a look at Kurt Newton' | ||
+ | |||
+ | For ordering details, visit the publisher' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Waiting My Turn: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Desert: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | PerVERSEities: | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Horrorshow Horrors | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | American Movie (1999)\\ | ||
+ | Shadow of the Vampire (2000)\\ | ||
+ | Wes Craven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Write an instructional guide for making something ghastly, but don't refer to the thing itself. Have your reader try to guess what it might be. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Discover an alien ear. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Describe a monstrous living landscape. | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | Instigation is a WEEKLY department in Hellnotes newsletter: http:// | ||
+ | If you publish or post something instigated by this department, let me know at arnzen@gorelets.com and I'll mention it here! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | + COME OUT AND PLAY...DEAD\\ | ||
+ | My second novel, Play Dead, has officially been scheduled for a Summer 2005 release in both hardcover and novelty collector' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + NEW PUBLICATIONS\\ | ||
+ | Dark Discoveries released an updated version of my review of the poetry anthology, The Devil' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dark Discoveries: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Bare Bone: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | My Collage, "Left Behind": | ||
+ | |||
+ | + PAURA\\ | ||
+ | Paura (Spanish for " | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + GILA QUEEN\\ | ||
+ | No, it's not some bizarre giant animal movie...it' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + UNFORTUNATE DELAY\\ | ||
+ | Well, my poetry book Freakcidents didn't see print in December, despite that copyright date on the galleys I mentioned last issue. I'm hoping ink will hit page soon on that one -- but I know it'll be worth the wait. You can still preorder this title at the publisher' | ||
+ | Shocklines: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + COMING IN 2005\\ | ||
+ | 2004 was a killer year for me. I won my second Stoker Award, saw the 10th Anniversary publication of Grave Markings, published the well-received collection, 100 Jolts, and generally got my groove on. And since this is the end of Volume #2 of The Goreletter, I thought I'd write a little summary of where we're headed in the year to come. I don't like to talk about projects in the works very often because I don't want to let any cats out the bag (or to make any promises I can't keep), but I'm revving up my novel writing engine this year. (I'd say it's packin' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Having said that, there are plenty of good things coming down the pike in 2005. Two major books, Freakcidents and Play Dead, should be out in the first half of the year and I think that if you like The Goreletter, you'll really love these titles. Look for my short story, "Mr. Mouth," | ||
+ | |||
+ | By the end of 2004, The Goreletter was reaching over 900 subscribers. Call me greedy, but I want to at least double that number by this time next year. Anything you can do to help spread the word is appreciated. If there' | ||
+ | |||
+ | And, as promised last time, I'll be adding an audio download or two to gorelets.com shortly, as a sort of " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Taboo Taxidermy" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Rogue Taxidermy\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | A Case of Curiosities\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Experimental Taxidermy in Amazing 3D! \\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | I dedicate this month' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It actually pays to scroll this far down. | ||
+ | |||
+ | THREE NEW OFFERS FROM FAIRWOOD PRESS! \\ | ||
+ | The publisher of my chapbook, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems, has three great new deals for you. Subscribe to their magazine, Talebones, and get a free issue (either a back issue, or the first issue of the subscription -- your choice). Order Tom Piccirilli' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | HELLNOTES TWISTED OFFER FOR SICKO WRITERS\\ | ||
+ | From editor Judi Rohrig: Because you subscribe to Michael A. Arnzen' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | FLESH & BLOOD DISCOUNT\\ | ||
+ | Get all available back issues of Flesh & Blood magazine for 20% off. Free shipping and handling on all purchases. Please send payment made out to Jack Fisher with a note mentioning the " | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | DISCOUNT ON DARKNESS\\ | ||
+ | Dark Discoveries magazine is offering an exclusive discount to all Goreletter subscribers. Save 25% on subscriptions or single copies. That's 4 issues for $14.99 or single issues for $4.50 instead of $5.99 (shipping is free!). You can pay thru paypal (to: jjbeach@spiritone.com ) or see the publisher' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | SHOCKLINES BUNDLE\\ | ||
+ | I wasn't able to procure a special coupon from Shocklines Bookstore this month, but I noticed they' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2005 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged. For reprint permissions of individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our Editorial Assistant: Don "of the Dead" Kinney: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gulp | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The fish dies because he opens his mouth." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |