goreletter:skeletons_skeletons
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goreletter:skeletons_skeletons [2013/11/24 13:02] – [PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS] marnzen | goreletter:skeletons_skeletons [2013/11/29 12:09] (current) – [PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS] marnzen | ||
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol 1.5, Dec. 28, 2002 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Skeletons! Skeletons! ** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | What's the Deal with Skeletons? | ||
+ | |||
+ | So I ask you, what's the deal with | ||
+ | skeletons? Why do filmmakers think | ||
+ | animated bones will scare us? Why do | ||
+ | these cartilaginous creatures appear | ||
+ | on hundreds of horror book covers? | ||
+ | Why do they dance on thousands of | ||
+ | horror websites? What is it about these | ||
+ | cold calcified creatures that creeps us | ||
+ | out? | ||
+ | |||
+ | The chattering of teeth? The rattling of | ||
+ | ribs? The ghostly white grimace? The | ||
+ | strange animation of little bits and | ||
+ | pieces that really shouldn' | ||
+ | that way? | ||
+ | |||
+ | The answer is: nothing, really. They' | ||
+ | not very scary at all. Silly, often. | ||
+ | Artful, sometimes. Uncannily | ||
+ | disturbing, at best. But never really | ||
+ | frightening to the core. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Maybe at one time they were. There | ||
+ | was a time when the wonder of | ||
+ | animated bits and pieces was enough | ||
+ | to fill us with dread. But today we're too | ||
+ | hardened by realism: we know that all | ||
+ | it takes is a small hammer to shatter | ||
+ | those brittle bones to pieces. And | ||
+ | besides, what's holding all those little | ||
+ | phalanges and kneecaps together? | ||
+ | Sinew rots. Muscles atrophy and | ||
+ | decay. Sure, some evil spirit can | ||
+ | possess those old bones, but why not | ||
+ | put all that spiritual energy into | ||
+ | something much more substantial, | ||
+ | a boulder or a building, to exact | ||
+ | revenge from beyond? Why return | ||
+ | them to the old bodies, far more worse | ||
+ | for wear? It doesn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I do see how they could be scary in | ||
+ | theory, of course. They are, obviously, | ||
+ | the animated dead. Like zombies, they | ||
+ | move when they shouldn' | ||
+ | seem to have an unnatural will all their | ||
+ | own. But despite that uncanny sense | ||
+ | of weirdness they conjure, they' | ||
+ | really threatening. And even worse: | ||
+ | skeletons all look the same. | ||
+ | |||
+ | They' | ||
+ | Halloween costumes -- once you've | ||
+ | seen one, you've seen them all. And | ||
+ | no matter how clever you get, there | ||
+ | never clever enough to make me run | ||
+ | screaming. Ray Harryhausen made his | ||
+ | career on animating bones for Sinbad | ||
+ | movies.that was the high point of | ||
+ | skeleton cinematography: | ||
+ | The digital age just doesn' | ||
+ | Nonetheless, | ||
+ | me. Weak. | ||
+ | |||
+ | But maybe, just maybe, that lack of | ||
+ | distinction is what keeps them | ||
+ | appealing. They all look the same. | ||
+ | They all act the same. They' | ||
+ | robots. Mindless masses. Ah, now I'm | ||
+ | on to something: they scare us | ||
+ | because they rob us of identity AND | ||
+ | remind us of how easily we can be | ||
+ | mistaken for being nothing more than | ||
+ | our bones. Zombies are living dead, | ||
+ | but unlike skeletons they typically keep | ||
+ | some semblance of their original | ||
+ | distinguishing feature -- even if we're | ||
+ | talking about facial features that are | ||
+ | sloughing right off the bone before our | ||
+ | very eyes. The meat makes 'em scary. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Skeletons are different. It's their very | ||
+ | structure that scares us. It's the secret | ||
+ | structure we all share. And it's inside of | ||
+ | us. We like to think we control the | ||
+ | bones. But that's like saying the lever | ||
+ | controls the switch -- there' | ||
+ | take at work -- a mechanism of parts | ||
+ | working together in a systemic way. | ||
+ | That's why skeletons freak us out | ||
+ | sometimes. Because they remind us | ||
+ | that our brain isn't always the boss of | ||
+ | the body factory. | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's the brain alone that feels fear. | ||
+ | |||
+ | And the brain depends on the skull for | ||
+ | protection. | ||
+ | |||
+ | In fact, the skull is the only part of our | ||
+ | bodies most like exoskeletons. That's | ||
+ | why the skull is the freakiest part of the | ||
+ | skeleton -- it's a primitive, insectile | ||
+ | form of defense. A skull that bears | ||
+ | eyes is especially creepy for this | ||
+ | reason. They' | ||
+ | creatures. The stalks of sensory | ||
+ | organs, peering out through the | ||
+ | keyholes of the bone prison -- a poor | ||
+ | soul pleading from within its carapace. | ||
+ | If they'd just make the skeletons turn | ||
+ | on their owners, rather than wielding a | ||
+ | sword and turning on tomb raiders...then | ||
+ | we'd have a scary movie. Because, | ||
+ | frankly, movie makers have been raiding | ||
+ | the tomb of stock monsters like bone | ||
+ | people for far too long. | ||
+ | |||
+ | So future directors take note: Let's see | ||
+ | more meat on them bones. Or better | ||
+ | yet -- get it right, and stop putting them | ||
+ | back together again in the obvious | ||
+ | humanoid structure. Experiment with | ||
+ | those shapes already. Be creative. The | ||
+ | legbone is not necessarily connected | ||
+ | to the anklebone, dammit. Stop it with | ||
+ | the stereotypical skeletons. Stop | ||
+ | looking like everyone else. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Crazy Xmas Gift Returns | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hoodlum Helmets | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Butt Ball | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Kangar-eeewww Pouches | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====SADISTIC STATISTICS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Number of cosmetic surgery | ||
+ | procedures in the US in 2001: 8.5 | ||
+ | million | ||
+ | |||
+ | Increase in cosmetic surgery since | ||
+ | 1992: 198% (tripled!) | ||
+ | |||
+ | Most popular surgical procedure: | ||
+ | rhinoplasty (aka nose reshaping) | ||
+ | |||
+ | Number of reported nose jobs in 2001: | ||
+ | 370,968 | ||
+ | |||
+ | Amount of time a nose job takes: 90 | ||
+ | mins | ||
+ | |||
+ | Amount of time it takes the nose to | ||
+ | heal after rhinoplasty: | ||
+ | |||
+ | %age of rhinoplasty operations that | ||
+ | have to be re-performed: | ||
+ | |||
+ | # of different Michael Jackson nose | ||
+ | jobs tracked on anomalies- | ||
+ | unlimited.com: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Maximum length of a rhino' | ||
+ | 4 feet | ||
+ | |||
+ | Number of cilia on olfactory cells in the | ||
+ | nose: 400-1200 million | ||
+ | |||
+ | %age of dust particles that the nose | ||
+ | actually filters during inhalation: 70% | ||
+ | |||
+ | Farthest recorded " | ||
+ | from the human nostril: 7.5" | ||
+ | |||
+ | %age of people who pick their noses | ||
+ | 2-5 times daily: 22.3% | ||
+ | |||
+ | *** | ||
+ | Sources: mediresource.sympatico.ca | ||
+ | 12/02; plasticsurgery.org 4/02; | ||
+ | intelihealth.com 3/02; purpletights.com | ||
+ | 12/02; anomalies-unlimited.com11/ | ||
+ | post-gazette.com 10/01; manso online, | ||
+ | spr 00; revisionrhinoplasty.net 12/02; | ||
+ | univ.trieste.it/ | ||
+ | guinessrecords.com, | ||
+ | 12/02. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here Comes the Sun | ||
+ | |||
+ | The crust of frozen eye thaws gelid\\ | ||
+ | in the morning dawn. Butter white rays\\ | ||
+ | stab swords of light through blood cells\\ | ||
+ | suspended in the pupils like fancy\\ | ||
+ | marbles. Beams cast sudden heat onto\\ | ||
+ | the grey mushroom cilia stiff inside. Yet\\ | ||
+ | this light at the end tunnels in too late;\\ | ||
+ | the bed of melting snow washes away\\ | ||
+ | murder stains that have swaddled\\ | ||
+ | this cracked head cavity all evening.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent:\\ | ||
+ | Death to Smoochy (2002)\\ | ||
+ | Insomnia (2002)\\ | ||
+ | One Hour Photo (2002)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Virtual Crime Sketch Artist | ||
+ | |||
+ | The jig is up. Armed with this virtual | ||
+ | sketch artist pad by Russia' | ||
+ | Ishchenko, they' | ||
+ | Especially with that funky ' | ||
+ | you're sportin' | ||
+ | |||
+ | [site deleted] | ||
+ | |||
+ | [Requires patience as well as | ||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Psycho-Hunter' | ||
+ | have been yet another collection of | ||
+ | horror poems about psycho killers, but | ||
+ | in this book Kurt Newton (author of | ||
+ | Dark Demons) craftily employs a | ||
+ | framing device that renders it truly | ||
+ | original. | ||
+ | |||
+ | As its title suggests, Psycho-Hunter is | ||
+ | a collection of case studies: we're | ||
+ | given a frame narrative that suggests | ||
+ | that the collection is a " | ||
+ | scrapbook" | ||
+ | killers who not only got away with | ||
+ | murder, but also wrote poetry about it | ||
+ | before, during, and after committing | ||
+ | their atrocities. (One poem is | ||
+ | " | ||
+ | that morning' | ||
+ | of the four studies attests to their | ||
+ | unique modus operandi, quirky | ||
+ | personalities, | ||
+ | obsessions. The detective who collects | ||
+ | these strange artifacts, John Murdock, | ||
+ | is "on the hunt" for these killers, both | ||
+ | psychologically and physically. He | ||
+ | collects their writing and writes about it. | ||
+ | He's gathered it in various ways -- one | ||
+ | killer sends him poetry directly in the | ||
+ | mail, as a taunt or threat; another | ||
+ | actually published some in the small | ||
+ | press. These conceits might sound like | ||
+ | a stretch, and they are, but it's a fun | ||
+ | construct to read and consider. The | ||
+ | book readily invites interpretation. And | ||
+ | the insights it offers more than make | ||
+ | up for the book's artificiality. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The brutality of Newton' | ||
+ | beyond the usual fare. This is definitely | ||
+ | a post-Blair Witch Project, post-Henry | ||
+ | collection -- a dark docudrama in gory | ||
+ | verse. The book's depravity is both its | ||
+ | strength and its weakness, because | ||
+ | some readers will be revolted. But | ||
+ | Newton' | ||
+ | same disturbing feeling one gets when | ||
+ | reading, say, an actual autopsy | ||
+ | manual, so it will definitely make | ||
+ | followers of real world killers quite | ||
+ | happy. | ||
+ | |||
+ | This 47-page, saddle-stapled | ||
+ | chapbook has a heavy glossed, three- | ||
+ | color cover (art by the esteemed Keith | ||
+ | Minnion) and it is altogether | ||
+ | professionally produced. This book is | ||
+ | ambitiously bright for such a dark | ||
+ | dreamer. I highly recommended it to | ||
+ | those with strong stomachs and a taste | ||
+ | for the grotesque (which usually goes | ||
+ | hand in hand). | ||
+ | |||
+ | Comes in three editions: unsigned | ||
+ | chapbook ($5); signed/ | ||
+ | ($13); and hardcover ($40) from | ||
+ | shocklines.com, | ||
+ | publisher, < | ||
+ | |||
+ | [A different version of this review | ||
+ | appeared in Hellnotes, 23 Aug 02 (visit | ||
+ | hellnotes.com to subscribe). I reprint it | ||
+ | here because of TWO special news | ||
+ | items regarding this book that appear | ||
+ | in the coupon and news departments | ||
+ | below. Be sure to read them for | ||
+ | exclusive offers.] | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | You're in an unusual maternity ward. | ||
+ | Describe a monstrous delivery. Or, | ||
+ | alternatively, | ||
+ | for the gross out. If you get stuck, jump | ||
+ | to an alternate viewpoint (Mother? | ||
+ | Doctor? Baby? Other? Try second | ||
+ | person?) | ||
+ | |||
+ | The title of your piece is "Death by | ||
+ | Chocolate." | ||
+ | |||
+ | Bees typically sting in defense. They | ||
+ | also die when they pull their stingers -- | ||
+ | along with the rest of their guts -- out | ||
+ | as they flee. Invent a strange creature | ||
+ | whose " | ||
+ | attack) is similarly suicidal. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | + This is big news. My mutant poetry | ||
+ | collection, Freakcidents: | ||
+ | Sideshow, is coming out this January | ||
+ | in both collectible hardcover and | ||
+ | signed trade editions. You can always | ||
+ | pre-order it at my favorite bookseller, | ||
+ | shocklines.com. But -- NEWS FLASH | ||
+ | -- if you order both Freakcidents and | ||
+ | The Psycho-Hunter' | ||
+ | from my publisher you can get your | ||
+ | hands on " | ||
+ | limited edition mini-chapbook of new | ||
+ | and original material by both myself | ||
+ | and Kurt Newton! We dipped into each | ||
+ | other' | ||
+ | strange hybrids. It's a very rare treat. | ||
+ | (This offer will apply to anyone who | ||
+ | has already ordered Newton' | ||
+ | edition in the past, too, so don't let that | ||
+ | stop you from buying that now -- see | ||
+ | "boo coupons" | ||
+ | details, stay tuned to the publisher' | ||
+ | website: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + My short-short, | ||
+ | out in the ambitious lit zine, 42opus. | ||
+ | Check it out and marvel at the layout: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Awhile back, I reported that my | ||
+ | Halloween story, "The Boblin," | ||
+ | an anthology that died before seeing | ||
+ | print. Well, I'm happy to report that I've | ||
+ | subsequently placed that tale in | ||
+ | another book: Scary! Holiday Tales to | ||
+ | Make you Scream, edited by Paul | ||
+ | Melniczek (Double-Dragon Publishing, | ||
+ | forthcoming Sept 2003). | ||
+ | |||
+ | + I've learned that editor John Lawson | ||
+ | has placed his exciting " | ||
+ | cannibal" | ||
+ | Hunger, with Double-Dragon | ||
+ | Publishing for 2003 release, as well. | ||
+ | My flash nightmare functions as the | ||
+ | book's epilogue: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Because three' | ||
+ | you of the THIRD Double Dragon title | ||
+ | that I'll be associated with -- it's called | ||
+ | Cemetery Poets: Grave Offerings and | ||
+ | it'll feature a chapbook' | ||
+ | by almost every contributor.and there | ||
+ | are a lot of them! If you can't wait, visit | ||
+ | fellow contributor Megan Powell' | ||
+ | website, which includes more info and | ||
+ | offers a (discounted) $35 pre-order | ||
+ | page: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Double-Dragon Publishing gets my | ||
+ | vote for new publisher of the year. And | ||
+ | they' | ||
+ | wait and see what they have in store! | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Speaking of " | ||
+ | the market for a solid horror magazine, | ||
+ | take a gander at the recently released | ||
+ | Bare Bone #3. Yes, my short poem, | ||
+ | "Wet Tissue," | ||
+ | just a teensy part of a great double- | ||
+ | sized magazine. Just look at the | ||
+ | heavy-duty line-up you get for a mere | ||
+ | $6.95 -- it's as satisfying as any book- | ||
+ | length anthology out today. | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DATA AND ERRATA==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | I want to acknowledge David Sandner | ||
+ | for this month' | ||
+ | and to thank Bruce Boston for the link | ||
+ | to http:// | ||
+ | which I suspect all my readers will love. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Last issue' | ||
+ | X," got a lot of feedback from | ||
+ | subscribers. Mike Stamm wrote just to | ||
+ | call me an " | ||
+ | Spurlock reminded me of Edgar Allan | ||
+ | Poe's hilarious editorial nightmare, "X- | ||
+ | ing the Paragrab." | ||
+ | Kolodji also turned me on to "Four | ||
+ | Xonnets" | ||
+ | ends with the letter X! You can read | ||
+ | her fantastic Xonnet and others at: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Did you enjoy the "Slay Bells" game | ||
+ | mentioned in the last issue' | ||
+ | Gizmo" dept? Can you handle more | ||
+ | Xmas with an attitude? Then you might | ||
+ | want to give 'Slay Bells 2: Seasons | ||
+ | Beatings' | ||
+ | gonna take it anymore, dammit! | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | In the last issue, I invited readers to | ||
+ | take a 2-question feedback poll. The | ||
+ | results were very strongly in favor of | ||
+ | keeping both the newsletter and the | ||
+ | website intact. In response to the | ||
+ | question, "What is your least favorite | ||
+ | department in the newsletter?" | ||
+ | you said "Our Odd Triple Feature" | ||
+ | while 80% said "None -- I love them all! | ||
+ | Don't drop any!" And in response to the | ||
+ | question whether the website uses too | ||
+ | much " | ||
+ | (60%) said they felt it was "just right." | ||
+ | Only one respondent felt it was too | ||
+ | much; the rest said "I have no clue, | ||
+ | Arnzen!" | ||
+ | feedback -- thanks to everyone who | ||
+ | participated. Given this response, I'll | ||
+ | not tamper with things. But I will | ||
+ | continue to cycle departments in and | ||
+ | out of the newsletter just to reduce the | ||
+ | length (which keeps getting longer and | ||
+ | longer thanks to stuff like this very | ||
+ | paragraph). So this time around, for | ||
+ | example, there are no " | ||
+ | strange." | ||
+ | dump, they' | ||
+ | And I've got new columns in utero, too. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NEW AT GORELETS.COM==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | + I've updated the " | ||
+ | include a new section of " | ||
+ | oriented websites. If you like short- | ||
+ | short-shorts as much as I do -- or if | ||
+ | you've just got a short attention span -- | ||
+ | then you might want to browse it. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + A twisted seasonal piece, "Hot | ||
+ | Buttered Chum," is the latest poem | ||
+ | hidden in the animated handheld at | ||
+ | gorelets.com. Click on the skull-faced | ||
+ | button to dunk your ladle in it. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + There are some really neat pictures | ||
+ | of readers with Arnzen poems on | ||
+ | gorelets' | ||
+ | some fun wallpaper you can have, too. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + The Goreletter keeps receiving | ||
+ | recommendations for the Bram Stoker | ||
+ | Award (in Alternative Forms)! If you're | ||
+ | an HWA member, I hope you'll help | ||
+ | usher this humble e-zine all the way to | ||
+ | the final ballot by also sending in your | ||
+ | own recs to compiler@horror.org. If | ||
+ | you're not in the Horror Writers | ||
+ | Association, | ||
+ | information. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + To help me pay for the website | ||
+ | please visit the " | ||
+ | a place where you'll be able to get | ||
+ | oddities on a coffee mug: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It actually pays to scroll this far down. | ||
+ | |||
+ | SHOCKLINES.COM offers Goreletter | ||
+ | subscribers this exclusive new year's | ||
+ | coupon: GORELETDEMON. Enter this | ||
+ | freaky phrase in the promotion code | ||
+ | box during check out to get $10 off the | ||
+ | signed/ | ||
+ | Newton' | ||
+ | Demons. I sang the praises of Psycho- | ||
+ | Hunter, and this book is equally | ||
+ | original. It's worth every penny. How | ||
+ | do I know this book is so fantastic? I | ||
+ | wrote the introduction! And I signed it, | ||
+ | too, along with Kurt and artist Duncan | ||
+ | Long. This offer is only good until | ||
+ | 1/14/03, so think about it asap. | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Writers take note! You can get 10% off | ||
+ | the unique submission organizer, | ||
+ | WRITE AGAIN! Try it out and if you | ||
+ | decide to register this great software, | ||
+ | let them know that Arnzen' | ||
+ | sent you and they' | ||
+ | I've been using this program for about | ||
+ | a year now and I can vouch for it -- WA | ||
+ | is one of the best databases for writers | ||
+ | available. If you're a writer submitting | ||
+ | without a " | ||
+ | download. Includes a project | ||
+ | scheduler, graphs, and a financial | ||
+ | database. A very useful product. | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | FICTIONWISE.COM' | ||
+ | Arnzen ebooks -- Arnzen12 -- expires | ||
+ | on Dec 31! Get 20% off while you still | ||
+ | can.and perhaps as much as 40%, | ||
+ | given their current holiday discount! | ||
+ | Otherwise, don't forget to browse their | ||
+ | 15% off special page for gorelets.com | ||
+ | visitors every week: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | WILDSIDE PRESS -- publisher of my | ||
+ | collection, Fluid Mosaic -- kindly | ||
+ | continues to offer Goreletteers a one- | ||
+ | time 10% discount coupon! Enter the | ||
+ | coupon code ARNZEN at check out: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is: | ||
+ | c 2002 Michael A. Arnzen, unless | ||
+ | otherwise noted. All rights reserved. | ||
+ | Permission is granted to forward the | ||
+ | entire contents as a whole, without | ||
+ | alterations or excisions. For reprint | ||
+ | permissions of individual pieces, | ||
+ | please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | This newsletter is formatted in one | ||
+ | skinny column to accommodate | ||
+ | handheld computer users. If you own a | ||
+ | PDA, try The Goreletter as a free | ||
+ | Mazingo channel at: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | about The Goreletter at: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hello 2003! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The words of a dead man are | ||
+ | modified in the guts of the living." | ||
+ | -- W. H. Auden (died 1973) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |