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--- goreletter:skeletons_skeletons [2013/11/29 11:21] – marnzen
+++ goreletter:skeletons_skeletons [2013/11/29 12:09] (current) – [PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS] marnzen
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1.5, Dec. 28, 2002 +++
+**Skeletons! Skeletons! **
+----
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+What's the Deal with Skeletons?
+So I ask you, what's the deal with
+skeletons? Why do filmmakers think
+animated bones will scare us? Why do
+these cartilaginous creatures appear
+on hundreds of horror book covers?
+Why do they dance on thousands of
+horror websites? What is it about these
+cold calcified creatures that creeps us
+out?
+The chattering of teeth? The rattling of
+ribs? The ghostly white grimace? The
+strange animation of little bits and
+pieces that really shouldn't be moving
+that way?
+The answer is: nothing, really. They're
+not very scary at all. Silly, often.
+Artful, sometimes. Uncannily
+disturbing, at best. But never really
+frightening to the core.
+Maybe at one time they were. There
+was a time when the wonder of
+animated bits and pieces was enough
+to fill us with dread. But today we're too
+hardened by realism: we know that all
+it takes is a small hammer to shatter
+those brittle bones to pieces. And
+besides, what's holding all those little
+phalanges and kneecaps together?
+Sinew rots. Muscles atrophy and
+decay. Sure, some evil spirit can
+possess those old bones, but why not
+put all that spiritual energy into
+something much more substantial, like
+a boulder or a building, to exact
+revenge from beyond? Why return
+them to the old bodies, far more worse
+for wear? It doesn't make sense.
+I do see how they could be scary in
+theory, of course. They are, obviously,
+the animated dead. Like zombies, they
+move when they shouldn't and they
+seem to have an unnatural will all their
+own. But despite that uncanny sense
+of weirdness they conjure, they're not
+really threatening. And even worse:
+skeletons all look the same.
+They're too familiar. Like bad
+Halloween costumes -- once you've
+seen one, you've seen them all. And
+no matter how clever you get, there
+never clever enough to make me run
+screaming. Ray Harryhausen made his
+career on animating bones for Sinbad
+movies.that was the high point of
+skeleton cinematography: in the 1958.
+The digital age just doesn't get it right.
+Nonetheless, they all look the same to
+me. Weak.
+But maybe, just maybe, that lack of
+distinction is what keeps them
+appealing. They all look the same.
+They all act the same. They're like
+robots. Mindless masses. Ah, now I'm
+on to something: they scare us
+because they rob us of identity AND
+remind us of how easily we can be
+mistaken for being nothing more than
+our bones. Zombies are living dead,
+but unlike skeletons they typically keep
+some semblance of their original
+distinguishing feature -- even if we're
+talking about facial features that are
+sloughing right off the bone before our
+very eyes. The meat makes 'em scary.
+Skeletons are different. It's their very
+structure that scares us. It's the secret
+structure we all share. And it's inside of
+us. We like to think we control the
+bones. But that's like saying the lever
+controls the switch -- there's a give and
+take at work -- a mechanism of parts
+working together in a systemic way.
+That's why skeletons freak us out
+sometimes. Because they remind us
+that our brain isn't always the boss of
+the body factory.
+It's the brain alone that feels fear.
+And the brain depends on the skull for
+protection.
+In fact, the skull is the only part of our
+bodies most like exoskeletons. That's
+why the skull is the freakiest part of the
+skeleton -- it's a primitive, insectile
+form of defense. A skull that bears
+eyes is especially creepy for this
+reason. They're like human bug
+creatures. The stalks of sensory
+organs, peering out through the
+keyholes of the bone prison -- a poor
+soul pleading from within its carapace.
+If they'd just make the skeletons turn
+on their owners, rather than wielding a
+sword and turning on tomb raiders...then
+we'd have a scary movie. Because,
+frankly, movie makers have been raiding
+the tomb of stock monsters like bone
+people for far too long.
+So future directors take note: Let's see
+more meat on them bones. Or better
+yet -- get it right, and stop putting them
+back together again in the obvious
+humanoid structure. Experiment with
+those shapes already. Be creative. The
+legbone is not necessarily connected
+to the anklebone, dammit. Stop it with
+the stereotypical skeletons. Stop
+looking like everyone else.
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+Crazy Xmas Gift Returns
+Hoodlum Helmets
+http://hoodlum-welding.com/hoods.htm
+Butt Ball
+<del>wonderfullywacky.com/buttball.htm</del>
+Kangar-eeewww Pouches
+http://www.australiagift.com/scrotum_shop/scrotum.htm
+====SADISTIC STATISTICS====
+Number of cosmetic surgery
+procedures in the US in 2001: 8.5
+million
+Increase in cosmetic surgery since
+: 198% (tripled!)
+Most popular surgical procedure:
+rhinoplasty (aka nose reshaping)
+Number of reported nose jobs in 2001:
+,968
+Amount of time a nose job takes: 90
+mins
+Amount of time it takes the nose to
+heal after rhinoplasty: 1 year
+%age of rhinoplasty operations that
+have to be re-performed: 10-15%
+# of different Michael Jackson nose
+jobs tracked on anomalies-
+unlimited.com: 13
+Maximum length of a rhino's horn:
+feet
+Number of cilia on olfactory cells in the
+nose: 400-1200 million
+%age of dust particles that the nose
+actually filters during inhalation: 70%
+Farthest recorded "spaghetti ejection"
+from the human nostril: 7.5"
+%age of people who pick their noses
+-5 times daily: 22.3%
+***
+Sources: mediresource.sympatico.ca
+/02; plasticsurgery.org 4/02;
+intelihealth.com 3/02; purpletights.com
+/02; anomalies-unlimited.com11/02;
+post-gazette.com 10/01; manso online,
+spr 00; revisionrhinoplasty.net 12/02;
+univ.trieste.it/~brain 12/02;
+guinessrecords.com, 12/02; sdzoo.com
+/02.
+====GORELETS====
+Here Comes the Sun
+The crust of frozen eye thaws gelid\\
+in the morning dawn. Butter white rays\\
+stab swords of light through blood cells\\
+suspended in the pupils like fancy\\
+marbles. Beams cast sudden heat onto\\
+the grey mushroom cilia stiff inside. Yet\\
+this light at the end tunnels in too late;\\
+the bed of melting snow washes away\\
+murder stains that have swaddled\\
+this cracked head cavity all evening.\\
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"Creepy Robin Williams, 2K2"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+Death to Smoochy (2002)\\
+Insomnia (2002)\\
+One Hour Photo (2002)\\
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+Virtual Crime Sketch Artist
+The jig is up. Armed with this virtual
+sketch artist pad by Russia's Max
+Ishchenko, they'll finger you for certain.
+Especially with that funky 'stache
+you're sportin'.
+[site deleted]
+[Requires patience as well as
+"Macromedia Flash"]
+====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS====
+The Psycho-Hunter's Casebook could
+have been yet another collection of
+horror poems about psycho killers, but
+in this book Kurt Newton (author of
+Dark Demons) craftily employs a
+framing device that renders it truly
+original.
+As its title suggests, Psycho-Hunter is
+a collection of case studies: we're
+given a frame narrative that suggests
+that the collection is a "detective's
+scrapbook" of writing by four serial
+killers who not only got away with
+murder, but also wrote poetry about it
+before, during, and after committing
+their atrocities. (One poem is
+"spattered with blood, still fresh from
+that morning's kill" for example). Each
+of the four studies attests to their
+unique modus operandi, quirky
+personalities, and perverse
+obsessions. The detective who collects
+these strange artifacts, John Murdock,
+is "on the hunt" for these killers, both
+psychologically and physically. He
+collects their writing and writes about it.
+He's gathered it in various ways -- one
+killer sends him poetry directly in the
+mail, as a taunt or threat; another
+actually published some in the small
+press. These conceits might sound like
+a stretch, and they are, but it's a fun
+construct to read and consider. The
+book readily invites interpretation. And
+the insights it offers more than make
+up for the book's artificiality.
+The brutality of Newton's poetry is
+beyond the usual fare. This is definitely
+a post-Blair Witch Project, post-Henry
+collection -- a dark docudrama in gory
+verse. The book's depravity is both its
+strength and its weakness, because
+some readers will be revolted. But
+Newton's approach generates the
+same disturbing feeling one gets when
+reading, say, an actual autopsy
+manual, so it will definitely make
+followers of real world killers quite
+happy.
+This 47-page, saddle-stapled
+chapbook has a heavy glossed, three-
+color cover (art by the esteemed Keith
+Minnion) and it is altogether
+professionally produced. This book is
+ambitiously bright for such a dark
+dreamer. I highly recommended it to
+those with strong stomachs and a taste
+for the grotesque (which usually goes
+hand in hand).
+Comes in three editions: unsigned
+chapbook ($5); signed/numbered
+($13); and hardcover ($40) from
+shocklines.com, amazon.com, or the
+publisher, <del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
+[A different version of this review
+appeared in Hellnotes, 23 Aug 02 (visit
+hellnotes.com to subscribe). I reprint it
+here because of TWO special news
+items regarding this book that appear
+in the coupon and news departments
+below. Be sure to read them for
+exclusive offers.]
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
+You're in an unusual maternity ward.
+Describe a monstrous delivery. Or,
+alternatively, the birth of a monster. Go
+for the gross out. If you get stuck, jump
+to an alternate viewpoint (Mother?
+Doctor? Baby? Other? Try second
+person?)
+The title of your piece is "Death by
+Chocolate." Go.
+Bees typically sting in defense. They
+also die when they pull their stingers --
+along with the rest of their guts -- out
+as they flee. Invent a strange creature
+whose "sting" (or other method of
+attack) is similarly suicidal.
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
++ This is big news. My mutant poetry
+collection, Freakcidents: A Surrealist
+Sideshow, is coming out this January
+in both collectible hardcover and
+signed trade editions. You can always
+pre-order it at my favorite bookseller,
+shocklines.com. But -- NEWS FLASH
+-- if you order both Freakcidents and
+The Psycho-Hunter's Casebook direct
+from my publisher you can get your
+hands on "Freaks and Psychos" -- a
+limited edition mini-chapbook of new
+and original material by both myself
+and Kurt Newton! We dipped into each
+other's worlds and generated some
+strange hybrids. It's a very rare treat.
+(This offer will apply to anyone who
+has already ordered Newton's limited
+edition in the past, too, so don't let that
+stop you from buying that now -- see
+"boo coupons" below). For developing
+details, stay tuned to the publisher's
+website:
+<del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
++ My short-short, "Choppers," is finally
+out in the ambitious lit zine, 42opus.
+Check it out and marvel at the layout:
+http://www.42opus.com
++ Awhile back, I reported that my
+Halloween story, "The Boblin," was in
+an anthology that died before seeing
+print. Well, I'm happy to report that I've
+subsequently placed that tale in
+another book: Scary! Holiday Tales to
+Make you Scream, edited by Paul
+Melniczek (Double-Dragon Publishing,
+forthcoming Sept 2003).
++ I've learned that editor John Lawson
+has placed his exciting "extreme
+cannibal" anthology, Of Flesh and
+Hunger, with Double-Dragon
+Publishing for 2003 release, as well.
+My flash nightmare functions as the
+book's epilogue:
+<del>fleshandhunger.com/</del>
++ Because three's a charm, I'll remind
+you of the THIRD Double Dragon title
+that I'll be associated with -- it's called
+Cemetery Poets: Grave Offerings and
+it'll feature a chapbook's worth of work
+by almost every contributor.and there
+are a lot of them! If you can't wait, visit
+fellow contributor Megan Powell's
+website, which includes more info and
+offers a (discounted) $35 pre-order
+page: <del>meganpowell.net/buy/</del>
+Double-Dragon Publishing gets my
+vote for new publisher of the year. And
+they're only getting started. You just
+wait and see what they have in store!
++ Speaking of "skeletons": If you're in
+the market for a solid horror magazine,
+take a gander at the recently released
+Bare Bone #3. Yes, my short poem,
+"Wet Tissue," is in there. but that's
+just a teensy part of a great double-
+sized magazine. Just look at the
+heavy-duty line-up you get for a mere
+$6.95 -- it's as satisfying as any book-
+length anthology out today.
+<del>yahoo.com/shocklines/barbonmag3br.html</del>
+====DATA AND ERRATA====
+I want to acknowledge David Sandner
+for this month's subject line ("Skeletons!")
+and to thank Bruce Boston for the link
+to http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com
+which I suspect all my readers will love.
+Last issue's Blather column, "Holiday
+X," got a lot of feedback from
+subscribers. Mike Stamm wrote just to
+call me an "X-phile." And John
+Spurlock reminded me of Edgar Allan
+Poe's hilarious editorial nightmare, "X-
+ing the Paragrab." Poet Deborah
+Kolodji also turned me on to "Four
+Xonnets" -- sonnets where each line
+ends with the letter X! You can read
+her fantastic Xonnet and others at:
+<del>vallance22.tripod.com/sonnettopoesiavol2no1/id3.html</del>
+Did you enjoy the "Slay Bells" game
+mentioned in the last issue's "Online
+Gizmo" dept? Can you handle more
+Xmas with an attitude? Then you might
+want to give 'Slay Bells 2: Seasons
+Beatings' a whirl, too. Santa's not
+gonna take it anymore, dammit!
+<del>streams.com/holiday2k/</del>
+In the last issue, I invited readers to
+take a 2-question feedback poll. The
+results were very strongly in favor of
+keeping both the newsletter and the
+website intact. In response to the
+question, "What is your least favorite
+department in the newsletter?" 20% of
+you said "Our Odd Triple Feature"
+while 80% said "None -- I love them all!
+Don't drop any!" And in response to the
+question whether the website uses too
+much "flash" animation, the majority
+(60%) said they felt it was "just right."
+Only one respondent felt it was too
+much; the rest said "I have no clue,
+Arnzen!" I was heartened by this
+feedback -- thanks to everyone who
+participated. Given this response, I'll
+not tamper with things. But I will
+continue to cycle departments in and
+out of the newsletter just to reduce the
+length (which keeps getting longer and
+longer thanks to stuff like this very
+paragraph). So this time around, for
+example, there are no "snippets of the
+strange." But like corpses in a toxic
+dump, they'll be back later, for sure.
+And I've got new columns in utero, too.
+====NEW AT GORELETS.COM====
++ I've updated the "links" page to
+include a new section of "minimalist"
+oriented websites. If you like short-
+short-shorts as much as I do -- or if
+you've just got a short attention span --
+then you might want to browse it.
++ A twisted seasonal piece, "Hot
+Buttered Chum," is the latest poem
+hidden in the animated handheld at
+gorelets.com. Click on the skull-faced
+button to dunk your ladle in it.
++ There are some really neat pictures
+of readers with Arnzen poems on
+gorelets' "retrospective" page. And
+some fun wallpaper you can have, too.
++ The Goreletter keeps receiving
+recommendations for the Bram Stoker
+Award (in Alternative Forms)! If you're
+an HWA member, I hope you'll help
+usher this humble e-zine all the way to
+the final ballot by also sending in your
+own recs to compiler@horror.org. If
+you're not in the Horror Writers
+Association, visit horror.org for more
+information.
++ To help me pay for the website
+please visit the "Mutant Mug Shop." It's
+a place where you'll be able to get
+oddities on a coffee mug:
+<del>cafeshops.com/gorelets</del>
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It actually pays to scroll this far down.
+SHOCKLINES.COM offers Goreletter
+subscribers this exclusive new year's
+coupon: GORELETDEMON. Enter this
+freaky phrase in the promotion code
+box during check out to get $10 off the
+signed/limited hardcover edition of Kurt
+Newton's fantastic collection, Dark
+Demons. I sang the praises of Psycho-
+Hunter, and this book is equally
+original. It's worth every penny. How
+do I know this book is so fantastic? I
+wrote the introduction! And I signed it,
+too, along with Kurt and artist Duncan
+Long. This offer is only good until
+/14/03, so think about it asap.
+<del>store.yahoo.com/shocklines/</del>
+Writers take note! You can get 10% off
+the unique submission organizer,
+WRITE AGAIN! Try it out and if you
+decide to register this great software,
+let them know that Arnzen's newsletter
+sent you and they'll refund you 10%!
+I've been using this program for about
+a year now and I can vouch for it -- WA
+is one of the best databases for writers
+available. If you're a writer submitting
+without a "system" yet, this is a must-
+download. Includes a project
+scheduler, graphs, and a financial
+database. A very useful product.
+http://www.asmoday.com/
+FICTIONWISE.COM's coupon for
+Arnzen ebooks -- Arnzen12 -- expires
+on Dec 31! Get 20% off while you still
+can.and perhaps as much as 40%,
+given their current holiday discount!
+Otherwise, don't forget to browse their
+% off special page for gorelets.com
+visitors every week:
+<del>fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+WILDSIDE PRESS -- publisher of my
+collection, Fluid Mosaic -- kindly
+continues to offer Goreletteers a one-
+time 10% discount coupon! Enter the
+coupon code ARNZEN at check out:
+http://www.wildsidepress.com/
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+c 2002 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations or excisions. For reprint
+permissions of individual pieces,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own a
+PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+Hello 2003!
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"The words of a dead man are
+modified in the guts of the living."
+-- W. H. Auden (died 1973)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}