goreletter:skittyphrenia
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 3.03, July 18, 2005 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Skittyphrenia** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Skittyphrenia | ||
+ | |||
+ | This month a cat was born with two faces and I have to marvel over this wonderful mutation. If you've seen the photos plastered all over the internet, then you know that " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Cats are two-faced by nature, but this is still a pretty wild invention. I sort of wish it was a Siamese, and not a tabby, however, just for irony' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gemini isn't a genetic experiment, per se, but the offspring of what the breeder calls a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Geminis. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hey, if I had a two-faced feline, I wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Oh, the possibilities. And I don't just mean "His and Her" water bowls. Imagine the uncanny set of double eyes, glowing green at you in the dark. Imagine the frightening shock of its stereo hiss. Imagine the unspeakable horror that rodents would experience, torsos torn asunder in the multiple mandibles of this double-mouthed mouser. | ||
+ | |||
+ | And when the dopplekitty did something bad, like claw my couch to hell (due, perhaps, to an preternatural sense of depth perception), | ||
+ | |||
+ | But all of this is rather moot. I think a schizocat wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | Postscript: Shortly after I finished writing this article, poor little Gemini died of natural causes (rather than self-mutilation), | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Skeleton Marionettes | ||
+ | |||
+ | Manipulate the actions of skeletal figures using virtual wires and other devices. Weird "x-ray machine" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dance, Skeleton, Dance!\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Also see....\\ | ||
+ | Wireframe' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Odendaal' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====MESS UP MY FRIDGE: A HAIKU CONTEST!==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Post a haiku based on the virtual fridge magnets available on the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | For the sake of this contest, let's define a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Look for "The Damned Fridge" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Learn more about Gorelets at Fairwood Press: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Also: look for the special Play Dead " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Feature Creatures | ||
+ | |||
+ | alone, the mortician plays\\ | ||
+ | a facial reconstruction game\\ | ||
+ | and calls it "Mr. Potato Dead" | ||
+ | the corpses skin like spuds\\ | ||
+ | and he makes the freaks his friends\\ | ||
+ | but when the Picasso-faced\\ | ||
+ | cut-ups haunt his daydreams\\ | ||
+ | and threaten to pull him apart\\ | ||
+ | all he can say in his defense\\ | ||
+ | is that he turned the other cheek,\\ | ||
+ | over and over again\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Invent a new form of water torture. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Give a character an occupation involving cages (warden, zookeeper, dancer, wrestler...), | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Murder an idea. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Instigation is a WEEKLY department in Hellnotes newsletter: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEE SMALL HOURS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Wee Small Hours is the name of a new monthly publication of flash fiction inspired by creative prompts selected from my weekly Instigation column in Hellnotes newsletter. This week, Hellnotes is celebrating my 100th " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Even if you aren't a subscriber to Hellnotes, you can submit to Wee Small Hours. But if you're a writer, why aren't you already subscribing? | ||
+ | |||
+ | Guidelines are here: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | + PLAY DEAD: MY NEW NOVEL, NOW SHIPPING\\ | ||
+ | Play Dead is now available at your favorite bookstore (though you may have to ask them to stock it). It's my second novel, my first in hardback, and I'm enormously excited about it. Pick up a copy -- I think you'll agree that this noir supernatural thriller is something very unique. Play Dead is a story about pathological gamblers who, essentially, | ||
+ | |||
+ | The trade hardcover is available at a list price of $27; there are plenty of bargains out there online if you look for them, and most horror booksellers (like shocklines.com) are offering up signed copies unavailable elsewhere. No current plans are in the works for a paperback or e-book. The special sculpture-bound edition of Play Dead, however, is still in production and will be limited to 54 copies. It will be textured to look something like a prop from a horror film, sporting an evil "Ace of Spades" | ||
+ | |||
+ | For more information, | ||
+ | Wanna read the first chapter? It's available in the Reading Room at Horror Fiction News Network: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + SPOKEN WORD AUDIO -- FREE MP3 AT GORELETS.COM\\ | ||
+ | I promised that I'd upload audio to gorelets.com this year, and I've finally managed to produce something unique. " | ||
+ | |||
+ | + RIGORMAROLE\\ | ||
+ | Rigormarole, | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + CONGRATULATIONS TO THE STOKER WINNERS!\\ | ||
+ | The winners of the 2004 Bram Stoker Awards were announced last weekend. Alas, this newsletter and my fiction collection, 100 Jolts -- which were finalists -- did not earn the trophy, but the old cliche is true: it truly was "an honor to be nominated" | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | + FREAKCIDENTS\\ | ||
+ | I was happy to see that my poetry book, Freakcidents, | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | + GROSSING OUT ARNZEN\\ | ||
+ | As many of you know, my day job is as a college teacher. This May's issue of The BroadSheet features my essay, " | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====UPCOMING APPEARANCES==== | ||
+ | Want a book signed? Want to attend a fiction reading or take a horror writing workshop? Here are some of my upcoming appearances for 2005. | ||
+ | |||
+ | August 19-20th\\ | ||
+ | HorrorFind Weekend | Baltimore, MD\\ | ||
+ | Fiction Reading and Book Launch for Play Dead | ||
+ | |||
+ | October 22nd\\ | ||
+ | Ligonier Valley Writers | Scottdale, PA\\ | ||
+ | Horror and Fantasy Writing Workshop | ||
+ | |||
+ | November 3rd-6th\\ | ||
+ | World Fantasy Convention 2005 | Madison, WI\\ | ||
+ | Reading TBA | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'm also going to begin arranging for public signings and readings in the Pittsburgh region throughout the Fall, so keep your eyes on the Goreletter weblog for updates if you're planning on being in the area. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Offbeat Confessions | ||
+ | |||
+ | PostSecret\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Not Proud\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | I Used to Believe\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | A Macabre Miscellany | ||
+ | |||
+ | I found Geoffrey Abbott' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Published by the quirky book division of UK outfit Virgin Entertainment, | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | There are nine hundred and ninety-nine more where that came from. Reading this book, I learned about virtually every execution method ever tried by man (I particularly like the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you like true crime, you'll get a kick out of this book. The old cliché, truth is stranger than fiction, is proven once again...and as a horror writer, this book really inspired me in ways I can begin to imagine. And it made me laugh, of course, too. I highly recommend this title. I'll be looking for Abbot' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dennis Hopper' | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | Land of the Dead (2005)\\ | ||
+ | The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)\\ | ||
+ | Firestarter 2: Rekindled (2002)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ANOTHER CONTEST!==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | THE PLAY DEAD REVIEW RACE \\ | ||
+ | Be the first Goreletter subscriber to post a reader review -- pro or con -- of my new book, Play Dead, at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com and win a free signed copy of one of my recent poetry chapbooks. Two separate prizes (one for each site) will be awarded -- but you can only win once; consolation prizes might be offered to other contenders who also get reviews up quickly. E-mail me to alert me if/when your review appears. (Note: this contest does not apply to readers who received an Advanced Review Copy from the publisher). Get your orders in now; the race is on! | ||
+ | Play Dead at amazon.com: http:// | ||
+ | Play Dead at bn.com: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It actually pays to scroll this far down. | ||
+ | |||
+ | KILLER BOOK DEAL FROM RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS\\ | ||
+ | This great bargain is for Goreletter subscribers only. Buy any book directly from the publisher' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | SICKOLODEON SPECIAL\\ | ||
+ | Buy one item on The Sickolodeon and I'll give you free access to one other item on the site. To send me proof of purchase, click on the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | GET FICTIONWISE\\ | ||
+ | Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, | ||
+ | |||
+ | DISCOUNT ON DARKNESS\\ | ||
+ | Dark Discoveries magazine is offering an exclusive discount to all Goreletter subscribers. Save 25% on subscriptions or single copies. That's 4 issues for $14.99 or single issues for $4.50 instead of $5.99 (shipping is free!). You can pay thru paypal (to: jjbeach@spiritone.com ) or see the publisher' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | HELLNOTES OFFER\\ | ||
+ | Writers: Don't forget that you can get a free 2-month "Taste of HELLNOTES" | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DATA & ERRATA==== | ||
+ | If you subscribe to AOL, you may have missed issue 3.02 due to an unforeseen spam filtration. E-mail me if you didn't receive the newsletter (" | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2005 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged. For reprint permissions of individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Winner of the 2003 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Time for a Change | ||
+ | |||
+ | "This life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed with a desire to change his bed." | ||
+ | -- Charles Baudelaire (died 1866) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |