goreletter:stump_hallucinations
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goreletter:stump_hallucinations [2013/11/25 08:05] – [ARNZEN NEWS] marnzen | goreletter:stump_hallucinations [2013/11/29 11:37] (current) – marnzen | ||
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 2 #4, Dec. 20, 2003 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Stump Hallucinations** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Out on a Limb | ||
+ | |||
+ | Amputation frightens me just as much as the next person, but there is one component of losing an appendage that I think would be interesting to experience: the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | 80% of all amputees report phantom limb sensation. I don't mean to insult any of my differently-abled readers by pouring salt on old wounds with this topic, but I must say that in some ways you've got it lucky if you're missing an arm and a leg yet still feel its presence. Because you can do whatever you want to with it and no one will be the wiser. | ||
+ | |||
+ | With a phantom arm, I'd pick my nose in public whenever it itched. I wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'm no perv, but I can't promise that I wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | And, of course, it goes without saying that it would be EXTRA cool to shake phantom hands with a fellow amputee. We could high five when no one was looking or phantom thumb wrestle. Or even a fist fight. Anything goes with my amputated ghost buddies. | ||
+ | |||
+ | I've heard that the brain doesn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I apologize for being so glib. Phantom limbs aren't always as fun as I make them sound. There' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Doctors haven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ients actually feel a tickle on their cheek when their phantom limb acts up. Others have even claimed to experience orgasms in their missing limbs! (See the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But maybe all this phantom limb business is not so scientific after all. Legend has it that Lord Nelson felt pain in his phantom limb -- the sensation of fingers digging into the arm he lost after an attack on Santa Cruz de Tenerife -- and claimed that this was " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But I digress. I have to say that, soul or not, I don't really believe all that much in phantom limb. Because if it were true, all the other things that we're separated from would still haunt us in very weird ways. We'd all still feel tethered to our mothers through phantom umbilical cords or surrounded by strange bags of phantom placentas. Mothers would feel phantom children curling in their wombs, growing larger and larger, all the way into their nineties. In fact, there would be phantom wombs for hysterectomy patients, not to mention the ghosts of an innumerable amount of surgical procedures: phantom tonsils, phantom biopsies, phantom wisdom teeth, phantom Siamese twins, phantom foreskin, phantom liposuction fat, and on and on and on. Not to mention phantom fingernails and beards and nose hair and all the other things we snip away day after day without a second thought. | ||
+ | |||
+ | How long is my phantom nose hair, anyway? And does this explain why I trip over my phantom feet for no apparent reason sometimes? If only I was a jellyfish, with my phantom pseudopods, I wouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | [Recommended reading (and source for some of the above, including that orgasm in the limb business): Phantoms in the Brain by V.S. Ramachandran and Sandra Blakeslee. (NY: William and Morrow, 1998). More info here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Eye Prodding | ||
+ | |||
+ | You've probably used your computer to generate funhouse effects on photographs before -- smearing someone' | ||
+ | |||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | [Requires the Flash MX player, a plug-in which will auto-install in your web browser if you don't have it already.] | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + How does the mutant employ his third arm? | ||
+ | |||
+ | + What happened to the man who is missing half his head? | ||
+ | |||
+ | + We already know what the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Instigation is a WEEKLY department in Hellnotes newsletter: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you publish something instigated by this department, let me know at arnzen@gorelets.com and I'll mention it here! Or if you're bold (and willing to forfeit electronic rights), post your response to a prompt at the new Goreletter weblog by clicking on the word " | ||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dark Grey: The Body's Last Days | ||
+ | |||
+ | Is it even possible that you've never read the prolific poet named John Grey? | ||
+ | |||
+ | Grey, a long-standing award-winning speculative poet whose writing has appeared in virtually every quality horror magazine I can think of, is someone I've idolized for years. He's one of the few writers of poetry that I would call a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The Body's Last Days" -- John Grey's 2003 mini-chapbook (4" x 5-1/2" pocket-sized, | ||
+ | |||
+ | The title poem, "The Body's Last Days," is deceptively simple joke that actually suggests much more than what's on the surface. The poem describes just what it suggests, relating what the body experiences as it rots, " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Worms, then voices, then more worms,\\ | ||
+ | then the rhythmic thump of rain,\\ | ||
+ | and, of course, a veritable\\ | ||
+ | worm invasion and some wind through\\ | ||
+ | the pear trees, and then all\\ | ||
+ | the worms these worms know\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | The rapid and deceptively cavalier return to the worms again and again throughout the poem seems glib and silly, but it drives home the horrific notion that there' | ||
+ | |||
+ | In another poem, "Last Laugh," | ||
+ | |||
+ | Other poems in the collection inject new life into the typical tropes of the dead: haunted houses, cannibals, rats, suicide, torture...it' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "One Eyed Freaks of the 1950s" | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent:\\ | ||
+ | It Came from Outer Space (1953)\\ | ||
+ | The Cyclops (1957)\\ | ||
+ | The Crawling Eye (1958)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION | ||
+ | |||
+ | Happy Holidays! I wanted to surprise everyone by packing extra horrors into this special issue of The Goreletter, so I invited friends from several writing communities to send in " | ||
+ | |||
+ | First Christmas at Grandma Lucia' | ||
+ | |||
+ | With loving dark arms she reaches to embrace\\ | ||
+ | the children, the kids' candy apple eyes wide\\ | ||
+ | in terror as the huge hands descend gray\\ | ||
+ | and powerful, fleshly, the thick unnatural lipstick mouth\\ | ||
+ | alive with ancient smiles, behind her the meats\\ | ||
+ | hanging from racks and wires, sausages, lungs,\\ | ||
+ | necks, these are delicacies where she's from, starving\\ | ||
+ | peasants would scream in the fields for this,\\ | ||
+ | staring into snow-stuffed skies for the face\\ | ||
+ | of Mother Mary, and my kids are shrieking.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Tom Piccirilli http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | A Sled Parked atop the Roof | ||
+ | |||
+ | A sled parked atop the roof.\\ | ||
+ | Deer grazing on the front lawn.\\ | ||
+ | A man in red breaks into the house\\ | ||
+ | Passes through the front door\\ | ||
+ | Without opening it -- amazing!\\ | ||
+ | His hands are empty going in\\ | ||
+ | But his arms are loaded when he leaves\\ | ||
+ | Can you see bloodstains on crimson material?\\ | ||
+ | A shell in each chamber should suffice.\\ | ||
+ | This magic elf won't rob us twice.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Bev Vincent http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Santa' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Cookies and milk shoved into a gaping maw\\ | ||
+ | Guts rumble beneath the big red suit\\ | ||
+ | Pine tree wilts as the mouth opens wide\\ | ||
+ | A gloved finger slides down the throat\\ | ||
+ | Vomit and bile, gifts and gobs rain down\\ | ||
+ | Floor now slick with acid and toys\\ | ||
+ | The fat elf retreats, his job well done\\ | ||
+ | Another holiday worth remembering\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- John R. Platt http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Santa is a Cannibal | ||
+ | |||
+ | Santa is a cannibal...what, | ||
+ | Well, his habit isn't flaunted;\\ | ||
+ | He's wickedly canny to get what he's wanted\\ | ||
+ | For dinner, elves are preferred.\\ | ||
+ | Little elfin Leonard brought\\ | ||
+ | Santa cookies and custard,\\ | ||
+ | But ol' Kringle' | ||
+ | got the lad flustered.\\ | ||
+ | "He tried to flee," | ||
+ | Santa ho-ho-hoed with great glee\\ | ||
+ | "But he was terrific with mustard!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Lucy Snyder http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Empty Stockings | ||
+ | |||
+ | Chimney\\ | ||
+ | smoke Christmas Eve,\\ | ||
+ | crematorium ash\\ | ||
+ | on the hearth the year the fat man\\ | ||
+ | vanished.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Deborah P. Kolodji http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | Unwrapping The Phantom | ||
+ | |||
+ | The angry Santa weeps lakes of tinsel\\ | ||
+ | packages them in the womb of crystallized sky\\ | ||
+ | then adorns his presents with ribbon-ed clouds\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | And He sends them to adults in anger\\ | ||
+ | For in this world of antediluvian Gods\\ | ||
+ | he is now a jolly, lobster-red joke\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | But we know not what we had\\ | ||
+ | when we were ten, and, believed in him\\ | ||
+ | And, what magic was uncreated when\\ | ||
+ | we were given that final gift; the truth…\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- J.M. Heluk https:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | 'Twas the Night After Christmas | ||
+ | |||
+ | Welcome to Dark Santa’s manse\\ | ||
+ | It’s time for the midnight dance\\ | ||
+ | Come into his workroom\\ | ||
+ | And seal your doom\\ | ||
+ | Try not to be afraid\\ | ||
+ | Though it’s a very dark tomb\\ | ||
+ | Stuffed with all sorts of toys\\ | ||
+ | To fulfill his twisted joys.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Ron Breznay https:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Reindeer Games | ||
+ | |||
+ | It was Blitzen, I think, who, sick of his damned\\ | ||
+ | lashing, twisted to bite the ropes that bound us\\ | ||
+ | setting Santa into freefall toward no chimney\\ | ||
+ | below but all twelve of us flew down anyway\\ | ||
+ | and tore him to pieces, champing through fat\\ | ||
+ | onto bone and flying our twelve separate\\ | ||
+ | ways and all twelve of us had red shiny noses\\ | ||
+ | the Christmas that freedom was our first gift\\ | ||
+ | to each other\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Michael A. Arnzen, http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Christmas Presence | ||
+ | |||
+ | Early morning, and the first awake.\\ | ||
+ | Mom and dad and sister, still sleeping.\\ | ||
+ | The packages look different, are lumpy,\\ | ||
+ | clumsily re-wrapped.\\ | ||
+ | Ornaments glisten. They seem almost moist,\\ | ||
+ | nestled in there among the blinking red lights.\\ | ||
+ | The tinsel looks silky and blond\\ | ||
+ | The cookies are gone from the mantle, and,\\ | ||
+ | The stockings are full. But they' | ||
+ | Little girl stockings.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Chris Garrett cgarrett@swca.com | ||
+ | |||
+ | Please Come to my Solstice Sacrifice\\ | ||
+ | and Tree Decorating Party! | ||
+ | |||
+ | Drink blood ‘til you’re sated,\\ | ||
+ | eat flesh ‘til you’re gorged,\\ | ||
+ | then we’ll light the fire,\\ | ||
+ | sacrifice the supplicants.\\ | ||
+ | There’ll be chanting and dancing,\\ | ||
+ | while decorating the tree:\\ | ||
+ | First entrails, then eyeballs,\\ | ||
+ | carved kneebones, cartilage, | ||
+ | perforated kidneys, and a\\ | ||
+ | four-chambered heart.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Terrie Leigh Relf https:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | stocking stuffers | ||
+ | |||
+ | red ribbony bonus\\ | ||
+ | surprise tucked deep\\ | ||
+ | beneath candy\\ | ||
+ | caned fingers\\ | ||
+ | pruned mistletoes\\ | ||
+ | the egg noggin drip\\ | ||
+ | a dead giveaway\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Kurt Newton http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Necrotide Spirit | ||
+ | |||
+ | There was a Christmas Tree\\ | ||
+ | in the mausoleum this year.\\ | ||
+ | Saw it when I was placing roses\\ | ||
+ | by old Aunt Matilda' | ||
+ | Gifts by the dozen sat beneath the tree,\\ | ||
+ | all gaily wrapped yet dirty.\\ | ||
+ | I felt suddenly festive\\ | ||
+ | and couldn' | ||
+ | with the clogged and raspy voices.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Kevin Donihe http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Super Ate Family Films | ||
+ | |||
+ | licking at\\ | ||
+ | the window bloody\\ | ||
+ | red holiday\\ | ||
+ | smile slit spreading\\ | ||
+ | ornamental anger\\ | ||
+ | thankful for this bounty\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- John Edward Lawson http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Santa Goes Postal | ||
+ | |||
+ | Mrs. Claus no longer speaks, save to complain\\ | ||
+ | of cold and isolation. I find solace\\ | ||
+ | in cable horror movies, watch shooting sprees\\ | ||
+ | on CNN performed by postal workers\\ | ||
+ | with less cause for grief (fewer packages, better\\ | ||
+ | work conditions than my icy North Pole prison).\\ | ||
+ | I scheme to pull children from their beds,\\ | ||
+ | drag them trembling over frosty white\\ | ||
+ | powdered lawns, where (I'm guessing) blood\\ | ||
+ | will make a lovely cherry snow cone spill.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Norman Prentiss http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | *** WINNER *** | ||
+ | Nosferatu Celebrates the Season | ||
+ | |||
+ | Not down\\ | ||
+ | some chimney but through\\ | ||
+ | her window\\ | ||
+ | he is everything good girls\\ | ||
+ | die for\\ | ||
+ | tall dark & red-suited --\\ | ||
+ | eventually -- bearing\\ | ||
+ | the gift that keeps on\\ | ||
+ | giving: endless\\ | ||
+ | Christmas Eves.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | -- Ann K. Schwader http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ | ||
+ | All of these poems were so good, it was impossible to pick one winner in this so-called " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Drop by the blog and leave a comment on the above, if you like! < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Delirium Reprints Grave Markings in 2004\\ | ||
+ | I'm very pleased to announce that Delirium Books will be re-releasing my Bram Stoker Award-winning first novel, Grave Markings, in a limited run of collectable leatherbound and hardcover copies in Spring 2004. This is part of their Dark Essential series of "must have" horror books. I'm excited to have this fine publisher releaseing the book on its tenth anniversary. It will include new artwork and a new introduction reflecting on what on earth I was thinking when I wrote this crazy tattoo artist-cum-serial killer fantasy about skinning people alive. These Dark Essential books sell out very quickly upon publication, | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | A Shocklines.com Bestseller\\ | ||
+ | I was happy to learn that two of my titles (three if you count the "Scary Holidays" | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gorelets: Special Editions\\ | ||
+ | I believe Fairwood Press still has a few copies of the highly collectable lettered edition of Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems available. There were only 52 copies in the limited run and it's probably a steal at just $9.99. I also made a sneak offer on my website this past month to websurfers who want a signed copy inscribed with a unique haiku written just for the buyer, for $10. This " | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Amazon.com\\ | ||
+ | If you're an amazon.com customer, they now are selling the e-book version of Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems. Naturally, you can get this elsewhere, like direct from Double Dragon Publishing. But I wanted to mention Amazon, because I'd like to encourage those of you who have read my books to post a mini-review of any of them at Amazon. Just a few sentences will do. I noticed that people don't do this unless you reach out and ask them. So I'm asking you now. Pretty please? | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | E-books Spreading like E coli\\ | ||
+ | I'm taking a breather from e-book publishing to dedicate myself with a little more energy to print media first. So any e-books that come out in the future will likely be subsidiary rather than initial releases. But I purposefully have published Sportuary in e-book form only, just to be different, so I encourage you to check that title out. You can also now get Arnzen e-books at Palm Digital Media in addition to Fictionwise.com. And speaking of Fictionwise, | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Hocus Stoke-us\\ | ||
+ | Did you know that the newsletter you're reading is among the top candidates presently in the running for the Bram Stoker Award in Alternative Forms? I'm very happy and excited about this, given all the energy I put into this newsletter (for free!). If you're a member of the HWA, affiliate or active, you can also nominate texts for this award, so please keep me in mind for this. But I'd really like to call more attention to my recently published book, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems, published by Fairwood Press early last month. It's only received one recommendation in the Poetry catagory so far and I think it's probably worthy of a few more, if only to alert others to its existence. So if you're an HWA member, write to Patrick at Fairwood Press ( patrick@fairwoodpress.com ) and he'll send you a free electronic review copy of the Gorelets galleys to consider for this award. | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Sportuary Clinic\\ | ||
+ | Sportuary -- my collection of 30 poems re-imagining sports in all sorts of twisted ways -- hit #5 on the CyberPulp Bestseller list this month. The only way to get this collection is in e-book form. Tim Curran recently wrote a fantastic review at The Dark Krypt about this book, so I'll turn it over to him: " | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | New Appearances next Month | ||
+ | |||
+ | Terror Tales: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Yellow Bat Review: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Talebones: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sick: An Anthology of Illness: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Your Best Gift\\ | ||
+ | Your best gift for me this holiday season would be to send a copy of this newsletter to a friend who has a sick sense of humor. It will help me reach a wider audience and sell more books. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Crop Circle Cereal | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Goth Crunch, Depressios, and More Half-Baked Ideas | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Cereal Fiction | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | It actually pays to scroll this far down. | ||
+ | |||
+ | FICTIONWISE END OF YEAR SALE!\\ | ||
+ | Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, | ||
+ | |||
+ | They also sell e-book versions of my collection, Fluid Mosaic, as well as Paratabloids (and a number of my short stories under fifty cents each!) | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | GORELETS COUPON!\\ | ||
+ | Fairwood Press is offering an exclusive discount to Goreletter subscribers. You can get a $1.50 off the standard edition of my shiny new chapbook, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems -- or $3 off Gorelets with the purchase of any other title! To get the discount, browse around Fairwood' | ||
+ | |||
+ | SHOCKLINES BARGAIN\\ | ||
+ | Until March 1st, 2004, you can get $3 off Harold Jaffe' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | THE DARK ANIMUS DEAL\\ | ||
+ | Mention "The Arnzen Special" | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | MSI COUPON RUNNING OUT SOON!\\ | ||
+ | Like gruesome artwork? Bernie Wrightson, Chanting Monks Studios, and the crazies at Boneyard Press are offering Goreletter subscribers 20% off your order (good on the first $50 you spend). You might have seen Wrightson' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | WRITE AGAIN DISCOUNT EXPIRING\\ | ||
+ | Get 10% of the writer' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2003 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged. For reprint permissions of individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | </ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | A Good Man is Hard to Find | ||
+ | |||
+ | "A murderer is regarded by the conventional world as something almost monstrous, but a murderer to himself is only an ordinary man. It is only if the murderer is a good man that he can be regarded as monstrous." | ||
+ | -- Graham Greene (died 1991) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |