Posted inBlather

Top Ten Ways to Make Santa’s Naughty List

10. Playing "CSI: Dreamhouse" with your (or your sister's) Barbie dolls. 9. Telling Mommy she's "pretty" to her face and then adding the words "poor at parenting" as you walk out of the room. 8. Presuming that when you're "grounded" you're free to play with electrical outlets to your heart's content. 7. Texting while driving your Big Wheel on the freeway. 6. Skipping biology class so you can experiment directly on animals at the pet store without supervision. 5. Actually punching Hawaiians to get your hands on their branded juice box. 4. Festooning your bedroom with ropes of snot rather…
December 24, 2013Posted inBlather
Posted inBlather

Ten Contemplations on the Facebook Like Icon

1) Interesting. Everybody who "likes" me seems to be a latex glove fetishist. 2) I'm not pulling over, hitcher. I'm stepping on the gas. Oh no. Get out of the way! 3) Who's got your nose? 4) If this hand were bearing an unbuttoned sleeve, everything you liked would seem ...dirty. 5) The universal symbol for social approval in the 21st Century is a dismembered hand. I like that. But it's kind of overkill. Surely just a single digit would do. 6) A grammatical sin is committed by our passive acceptance of this plurality of "likes" -- that is, the…
January 30, 2013Posted inBlather
Posted inWeird Sites of the Month

Happy New Year! Here’s a Snippet of the Weirdest of 2012

You already know 2012 was pretty weird. Here's a small sampler of annual roundups that reaffirm it... Weirdest Fast Food of 2012 Weirdest Science of 2012 Weirdest Baby Names of 2012 Weirdest Fashion of 2012 Weirdest Fake Stories of 2012 Weirdest New Species of 2012 Weirdest Book Titles of the Year Weirdest Apocalyptic Disaster Predictions of 2012
December 31, 2012Posted inWeird Sites of the Month1 Comment
Posted inBlather

Snarky Retorts to Classic Horror Movie Lines

"It was beauty that killed the beast." "Yeah. That and the syphillis." "Don't bury me, I'm not dead yet." "Oh, no? Allow me..." (shovel to the neck) (Aiming finger at the head) "Braaaiiiins...!" (Aiming pistol at the head) "Buuuulllets...!" "In space no one can hear you scream." "Oh no? Where IS Earth, anyway? That's right. It's floating in space, you freaking idiot. Let's see if anyone can hear you scream when I press this hot iron into your underarm..." "We have such sights to show you." "Like what? Your butterfly collection? Please, please. Let me show YOU what acupuncture really…
April 8, 2012Posted inBlather1 Comment
Posted inSnippets of the Strange

Vampires of the Wild Kingdom

The Vampire Squid: "Like many deep-sea cephalopods, Vampire Squid lack ink sacs. If threatened, instead of ink, a sticky cloud of bioluminescent mucus containing innumerable orbs of blue light is ejected from the arm tips. This luminous barrage, which may last nearly 10 minutes, is presumably meant to daze would-be predators and allow the Vampire Squid to disappear into the blackness without the need to swim far." -- wikipedia entry on Vampire Squid from Hell The Vampire Bat: "...The furry, bean-shaped bat with its rodent-like face resembles a rat with wings, but bats are actually more closely related in evolution…
November 29, 2011Posted inSnippets of the Strange