goreletter:black_saabath
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goreletter:black_saabath [2013/11/25 19:25] – [OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE: BONUS] marnzen | goreletter:black_saabath [2013/11/29 12:00] (current) – marnzen | ||
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 5.04 | June 14, 2009 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Black Saabath** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====SPECIAL 40th ISSUE!==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | That's a lot of Goreletter. And, yes, it's been almost a full year since the last issue. So it's an anniversary issue, of sorts, too! I'll try to be more timely in the future, but as of Volume Six -- the Volume of the Beast -- this e-newsletter will no longer be delivered as a steady Quarterly -- it is now officially a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Classic Car Accident Ad Slogans | ||
+ | |||
+ | Have You Driven A F*rd Over A Stroller Lately?\\ | ||
+ | This Is Your Late Father' | ||
+ | V*lvo. For Life Support.\\ | ||
+ | Killt F*rd Slough.\\ | ||
+ | Ch*vy. The Last Heartbeat of America.\\ | ||
+ | Chummer -- Like Nothing Else!\\ | ||
+ | Ponti*c. We Are Driving Excrement.\\ | ||
+ | Grab Life By The Horns. That Won't Stop Honking.\\ | ||
+ | Sa*b. Move Your Mind. Off My Lap.\\ | ||
+ | B*W. The Ultimate Chicken Machine.\\ | ||
+ | V*lkswagon. Drivers Haunted.\\ | ||
+ | Juice in Engineering. *udi.\\ | ||
+ | C*dillac. When You Turn Your Car Off, Does It Return The Favor?\\ | ||
+ | Unlike Any Other. Mortcedez Endz.\\ | ||
+ | B*ick. Drive Beautiful. Into Crowds.\\ | ||
+ | The All New Ch*vy. Built to Last Breath.\\ | ||
+ | H*nda. The Power Of Screams.\\ | ||
+ | S*turn. Like Always. Like Never Before. Like Rotten Haggis.\\ | ||
+ | L*coln. Reach Higher. We're Sinking.\\ | ||
+ | I Hate What You Did To Me -- T*yota!\\ | ||
+ | Tahrvernoggin!\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | NEW BOOK: SKULL FRAGMENTS\\ | ||
+ | l' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | DARKNESS ON THE EDGE\\ | ||
+ | PS Publishing is now taking pre-orders for the upcoming anthology, Darkness on the Edge: Stories Inspired by the Music of Bruce Springsteen. My contribution (which, incidentally, | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | IN THE HORROR LIBRARY\\ | ||
+ | Current Bram Stoker Award-finalist, | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | SCREECH! \\ | ||
+ | "She Screech Like Me" now appears in the highly-sought-by-collectors book, He Is Legend: An Anthology Celebrating Richard Matheson (Gauntlet Press, 2009). My story, a sequel to Matheson' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | BARE BONE FINALE\\ | ||
+ | The just-released issue (#11) of Bare Bone magazine is officially the last of the line. You should get a copy. My poem, " | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | GIVE THE HORROR BOOK OF LISTS A HAND\\ | ||
+ | I hope you haven' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | "IN THE HORROR GENRE, YOU GOTTA GO OFF SCRIPT..." | ||
+ | Last Halloween I was interviewed in the studio by Doug Dangler at the Ohio University " | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | Speaking of getting "cut for space," | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | TEACHERS OF TERROR\\ | ||
+ | Dissections: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | HAUNTED\\ | ||
+ | I'm now on the " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Goofy Terror of Richard Benjamin | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | Witches' | ||
+ | Love At First Bite (Dragoti, 1979)\\ | ||
+ | Saturday the 14th (Cohen, 1981)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DATA+ERRATA==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | GORELETS 2.0 (well, 3.5, actually)\\ | ||
+ | I have overhauled the design of my website, http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Or if you want to AVOID me, go to Facebook. I'm avoiding that place. But that's all the more reason you should all mob the fan group "What Would Mike Arnzen Do For A Klondike Bar?" and post something nutty since I can't respond!: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | STOKER AWARDS ANNOUNCED! \\ | ||
+ | The 2008 Bram Stoker Awards have been announced this weekend at the Horror Writers Association annual Award Banquet. Congratulations to all the finalists and winners alike! I've read almost all of them, and they quite commendable. As I learned live on twitter, winners this year include Stephen King (for both novel and collection), | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Skin Can Crawl | ||
+ | |||
+ | she caressed my arm\\ | ||
+ | but paid no heed\\ | ||
+ | to the recoiling dance \\ | ||
+ | of my terminal hair -- \\ | ||
+ | my infestation\\ | ||
+ | my need\\ | ||
+ | my friends,\\ | ||
+ | twittering aimless \\ | ||
+ | in the air\\ | ||
+ | from wrist to sleeve -- \\ | ||
+ | a thousand daddy longlegs,\\ | ||
+ | a thousand disturbed\\ | ||
+ | grasping \\ | ||
+ | ends\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====TWITTER LITTER==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | I joined twitter ( http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | # | ||
+ | |||
+ | It is unfortunate that the entire squad of Law and Order: Criminal Intent -- superlative actors, all -- look like vampires. | ||
+ | |||
+ | BEHOLD THE POWER OF CRAYOLAMAN. He shoots deadly crayons -- 64 colors -- from his nostrils (which double as sharpener). | ||
+ | |||
+ | Substitute " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Car Accident or Rock Song?: " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Just saw that our retractable tape measure is a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | # | ||
+ | |||
+ | Are there any cities named " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Snippet heard from the TV downstairs: "Enjoy the feeling of being vein free." | ||
+ | |||
+ | The opposite of " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Imaginary Anatomies and Astonishing Somatic Illustrations | ||
+ | |||
+ | Cartoon Characters\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Kaiju\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Balloon Animals\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | MORE!: http:// | ||
+ | ====DICTIONSCARY==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's funny: when I turn to my dollar-store dictionary for advice on the correct way to pronounce " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Offal is butcher' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I think horror writers often use the thesaurus to look up synonyms for gut-terms. I know I do, and end up spending hours giggling as I turn through the pages (" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Consider this test case from an imaginary story: | ||
+ | |||
+ | //She swiped her sharpened plastic credit card across his belly and the line it cut proceeded to split open and charge his account with a massive withdrawal of blood and entrails. He scooped his arms around his waist to collect his offal but it spit and spooled out from his gashed abdomen like so many coins from a slot machine, and as the disemboweled man fell into the brackish puddle of his own innards, she chuckled to herself: "I told you: it pays to Discover!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | A-hem. " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But to be fair, my research, albeit scant, on the derivation of the term " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Fine: " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But with one caveat. The five-second rule still applies. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Related Reading: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Evolving Your Monster | ||
+ | |||
+ | “Monster Evolution” is a clever online game from Nob Studio, in which you terrorize a city eating humans — and if you eat enough of them, you can “evolve” into creatures with special powers and take out the shooters and tanks that come after you. | ||
+ | |||
+ | It’s like Cloverfield meets John Carpenter’s The Thing. Almost. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Try “Monster Evolution” for yourself, and play God(zilla) for awhile: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | *** | ||
+ | MORE!: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====THE CONTESTATORIUM==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | POST YOUR PITH AND WIN! \\ | ||
+ | Enter the new "Pithy Morbid Thought" | ||
+ | |||
+ | AND THE WINNER WAS... \\ | ||
+ | Our previous contest asked you to come up with a funny caption to a really weird piece of original art by Proverbs for Monsters cover artist Matt Schuster. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Good luck! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sorry for the length of this section, but I'm making up for lost time. This time around I offer four " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Chimeric Machines by Lucy A. Snyder \\ | ||
+ | Snyder is a massively talented writer -- the sort who knows how to make you take a gulp when you hit the ending of a story or poem -- and this poetry collection made me gulp with awe on virtually every page. Although her poetry/ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Don of the Dead by Nick Cato\\ | ||
+ | I read this novel in advanced form, and it should be out very soon from Coscom Entertainment. Cato is the man who had the audacity to bring my absurd novelette, Licker, into print, mostly because he is simply a huge fan of horror-humor. His upcoming novel (his first?), Don of the Dead, is clearly a labor that reflects that same love of comedy and terror, mashing together the mob story genre with the zombie genre into a concept story that seemed pretty fresh and original to me, despite the dripping saturation of the genre with zombie fiction and film these days. I recently sent him an endorsement for the book, so allow me to simply say "I laughed a lot" and reblurbitate it: " | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Blankety Blank: A Novel of Vulgaria by D. Harlan Wilson \\ | ||
+ | This disturbing read is a breakthrough work of fiction that deserves a spotlight on the literary landscape as one of the best works of experimental writing of the year, if not ever. The story is quite a mess, and difficult to encapsulate in a review, and this is fully intentional, | ||
+ | |||
+ | It's a memoir but it's not. The title of this story refers to the name of a serial killer clown, stalking his victims in the McMansion-bloated suburb of Vulgaria, set somewhere just outside of Grand Rapids, Michigan...just outside the borders of a parody of conventional reality...yet also somewhere inside of D. Harlan Wilson' | ||
+ | |||
+ | The emotional thrill-ride of Wilson' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Latter-Day Cipher by Latayne C. Scott \\ | ||
+ | It's not often that I read religious-oriented fiction, and I'm going to bet that most readers of The Goreletter haven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | In the book's afterword, Scott makes a case for the reality of "blood atonement" | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE: BONUS ==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Fake Horror Movies I’d Really Like To See | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon (Gale, 2008)\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gobstopper (Appel, 2009)\\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Student Death Camp Gore Massacre Part 13 (Hale and Pace, 1988)\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Write a poem that draws language directly from all the song titles from a death metal music album. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Craft a story around a doctor, dentist, or other health worker who secretly uses one of the job's instruments for his or her own unhealthy pleasure. | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Describe a mass hallucination in a surreal and dreamy manner, using first person plural (" | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | You can post whatever this instigates -- or news of any publication that results -- here: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====AS YOU LIKE IT==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like AFTERSHOCK AND OTHERS: 19 ODDITIES by F. Paul Wilson\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked RIGORMAROLE: | ||
+ | you'll like ZOMBIE HAIKU by Ryan Mecum\\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked LICKER ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like BENJAMIN' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked THE B*TCHFIGHT ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like THE SHALLOW END OF THE POOL by Adam-Troy Castro \\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PLAY DEAD ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like THE GOOD HUMOR MAN by Andrew Fox \\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked GORELETS: UNPLEASANT POEMS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like MORTICIAN' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! | ||
+ | |||
+ | FREE SKULL FRAGMENTS! \\ | ||
+ | Shatter your head with my cd, Audiovile, and you'll get free Skull Fragments! I'll bundle a free SIGNED copy of my new French-English chapbook, Skull Fragments, together with a sealed copy of Audiovile for just $15 (outside the USA, $20). That price includes shipping. Paypal me at arnzen@gorelets.com and don't forget to include your delivery address. While supplies last, and they' | ||
+ | |||
+ | STARKWEATHER DREAMS\\ | ||
+ | Christopher Conlon is offering Goreletter readers an exclusive discount on his new book of poems, Starkweather Dreams (featuring cover art from 100 Jolts artist Matt Sesow). It's an amazing collection of verse. For just $6 you can get a SIGNED copy of this book (which usually goes for $10) with free postage, directly from the poet! E-mail him at wehsconlon@aol.com for ordering details. Offer expires June 21st! | ||
+ | |||
+ | GOING GOING GORE\\ | ||
+ | The original chapbook to which this site owes its name, Gorelets: Unpleasant Poems, has gone out of print at Fairwood Press ( http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | DYING DYING DEAD\\ | ||
+ | My funky " | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2009 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 40. This newsletter is a past recipient of the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Visit MySpace for extra pictures, sounds, doohickeys, and web design blunders: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Truth about Oozing | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | —Jean Baudrillard (died 2007) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |