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--- goreletter:nail-biting_horrors [2013/11/24 13:03] – [PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS] marnzen
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+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1.7, Feb. 9, 2003 +++
+**Nail-Biting Horrors**
+----
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+Maniacure
+Why do we call them fingernails and
+not fingerblades? They're really like
+chitinous daggers that stab out from
+somewhere underneath the skin.
+They're constantly cutting. You can tell
+by the ridges and streaks across their
+surface, like the marks a serrated knife
+leaves in cake icing. Only it's a slow
+cut, so we're used to it. We forget.
+Except when the cuticle splits. Then
+we remember.
+And they do cut other people, too. The
+arts of eye gouging, back raking, and
+meat cellophane splitting have
+fingernails to thank.
+Fingernails are weird. The white
+moony part at the base of them
+(appropriately called "lunula") is like
+another nail, just waiting to come out.
+Almost like a baby crowning or
+something. Only it's also part of the
+"live" nail above it -- the generally clear
+screen over a bed of pink guts -- and
+topped off with another white moonlike
+ridge of dead nail. Birth, life, and
+death, all connected in the same piece
+of tissue. And you stick it up your nose
+(and in other sensitive places) without
+even thinking about it.
+There's no way to get all the dirt out
+from under the tips. You can scrape
+and boil but there's just no way. That's
+one reason why surgeons have to
+wear gloves. Some people use a white
+crayon underneath there, to make the
+dead ridge look clean. Others have
+long given up on mechanical oil and
+grime that permanently resides there.
+Both are foreign substances, so what's
+the difference, really?
+I'm a regular guy, so much of the nail
+painting and pressing-on and soaking-
+in-Palmolive business seems pretty
+bizarre to me. What does a manicure
+cure? Long nails just seem like ten
+health hazards waiting to happen; red
+nails just look bloodier than the pink
+stuff that they're hiding. And the longer
+they are, the easier they break -- it's
+not like they're talons, as much as we'd
+like them to be. So I don't really get it.
+Don't get me wrong. I do understand
+that there's an aesthetic to it -- and I
+give nail technicians a lot of credit for
+their art. It's hard to paint a trembling
+finger and I've seen some really
+awesome designs (gothed-up black
+nails are pretty cool!). But I've never
+found painted nails sexually attractive
+and I wonder why some people pay so
+much to have them professionally
+done. Indeed, when I see a set of
+overly done nails, for some reason I
+start to wonder if the person bearing
+them sports a plastic belly button, as
+well.
+And painted little toes...well, those
+require a true artist do up right. Like,
+say, a cosmetic mortician, who can
+make any body look good. Pinkie toes
+rarely hold up to polish. The shellac
+crackles too easily and the flesh
+around the nail pudges up around it.
+After a good walk around town, they
+look like shattered hard candy pressed
+into a marshmallow or something.
+When I'm bored or nervous, I
+sometimes pick my nails, but I don't
+bite them. I'm always trying to get
+them to match the arc of my fingertip.
+They make those funny little scissors
+and clippers that have an arc built into
+them, but I haven't found one yet that
+actually matches my fingers. Instead, I
+end up chipping away at the nail,
+looking in the end like a beaver
+gnawed on them.
+My cats claw on scratch polls and
+furniture legs as a way of doing their
+nails. I sometimes find them on the
+floor or stuck in the shag. Wouldn't it
+be neat if humans did that? Maybe we
+did, in a way, before they invented
+those funky clippers to begin with.
+All day long your fingertips put on a
+show for you. Grip a handle, play a
+guitar chord, press on the
+keyboard...there's pink and white
+kaleidoscope right in your hands. The
+fingerpad is nature's way of giving us a
+peek at what's really going on beneath
+the skin. Right there, at the part of the
+body you put the most pressure on,
+you're exposed.
+They're insidious -- and often powerful
+-- body parts. If you don't eat right, if
+you bang your fingers up, or if you
+contract some bizarre mold, your
+fingernails will betray you. If you
+scratch the body of an attacker, you
+can collect evidence that might convict
+him or her. Fingernails are both
+weapons and defensive armor.
+They're signs of economic class.
+They keep growing after we're dead,
+stabbing out from our dead fingers with
+a life all their own. If we could just
+figure out their magic....
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
+Pick a word at random from the
+dictionary. Then add the word "kills"
+after it and write that on the top of a
+blank piece of paper. You now have a
+title for your next piece -- run with it.
+(Randomly chosen direct objects
+optional (e.g. "Sausage Kills Pig")).
+Pick a fetish, any fetish. Now create a
+character who not only has that
+perverse predilection, but who also has
+the ability to hypnotize others. You
+figure out the rest.
+Work with the following quotation from
+Susan Sonntag: "Cancer is a demonic
+pregnancy."
+====GORELETS====
+Valendine
+He buys her plain pink sidewalk chalk\\
+and uses his used carving knife to\\
+carve the meaningless sticks into the\\
+meaningful shape of little pink hearts.\\
+He heartlessly etches valentine's\\
+etchings into every single one: Luv Ya,\\
+Kiss Me, Sweetie Pie. Then he inserts\\
+them into her lips, one by one as\\
+cautiously as a suicide sips suicide\\
+pills. He lines them up in her bloodied\\
+up gums side by side like thirty-two\\
+teeth in a tombstone smile. He kisses\\
+her lips then gnashes her jaws to make\\
+her chew up the dust of his lust to dust.\\
+====SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE====
+Hunters Write Horror\\
+(disgusting excerpts from postings in
+the usenet group, rec.hunting...)
+"One quick chop with a hatchet for
+deer, three for moose. Once the
+pelvic bone is split it is much easier to
+remove the an*s." (08/19/98)
+"I was leery of gut hooks, but this knife
+really is like having a zipper on the
+animal. The knife stays sharp for a
+long time, (three deer and I have not
+sharpened it yet!) and the rubber
+handle is very easy to grip when its in
+slippery conditions (if you know what I
+mean)." (09/22/95)
+"Somehow, either when I cut the throat
+or cut the ribcage, the contents of the
+stomach spilled out into the chest
+cavity. I did not find out until this
+morning when I went back to drag her
+out and finish gutting her.... And to top
+things off I just nicked the milk sack,
+and as far as I can see only a
+teaspoon worth spilled out but on to
+the guts, nothing else. How will the
+stomach contents effect the meat?" (11/08/99)
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"Scared Straight Man"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+Ernest Goes to Jail (1990)\\
+Take the Money and Run (1969)\\
+Life (1999)\\
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+"Virtual Voodoo"
+Want to curse someone with stickpins
+and tiny barbs of pain? Pinstruck.com
+will send your virtual voodoo doll
+tortures to a victim who won't be able
+to trace it back to the source. The
+custom messages and artful dolls on
+this site make it fun to play. I've seen
+plenty of cyber-voodoo in my day, but
+this is definitely the best. The
+anonymous curse-sending feature
+makes it more than a little edgy and
+spooky for the victim.
+http://www.pinstruck.com
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
++ Poet Bruce Boston reports the happy
+news that his poetry collection,
+Pitchblende, has sold to Dark Regions
+Press for a 2004 release. I selected
+and organized the verse in this book in
+addition to writing the introduction, so I
+am very excited about this. Applause!
+You can still read my review of
+Boston's book, Quanta: Award Winning
+Poems, at Strange Horizons magazine:
+http://www.strangehorizons.com/2002/20020708/chapbooks.shtml
++ There's a hunger inside you. Read
+my short-short, "Stomachine," at
+Champagne Shivers webzine:
+http://www.samsdotpublishing.com/contents.htm
++ "Alma almost got away. Bailey was
+blasted bloody into the blacktop.
+Christa, conked unconscious. Dora,
+gored. Eddie bled as dry as Freddy..."
+Look death up in the "Obictionary":
+http://www.clamcity.com/archivepage.html
++ Attn HWA members: Stoker
+recommendation deadline is 14 Feb.
+Remember The Goreletter when you
+submit yours.
++ DarkVesper Publishing is hoping to
+release my book Freakcidents by the
+end of the month. Remember to pick
+up a copy of Kurt Newton's acclaimed
+"Psycho-Hunter's Casebook" at DV
+Pubs to get a free mini-chapbook of
+extra poems and stories by Kurt and I,
+tromping around in each other's world:
+<del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
++ Mikey Huyck posted a "5-BookWyrm"
+advanced review of Freakcidents here:
+http://feoamante.com/Stories/Reviews/DEF/Freakcid.html
+"a foreign man in dire concentration/
+walks awkwardly on his hands/
+the bloody wristskin taut against/
+angular whiteglass shards and coals..."
+-- from my poem, "SuiSide Show" in
+the recent anthology, SIDESHOW:
+<del>iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0%2D595%2D26087%2DX</del>
++ Last issue, I told you I'd be the
+featured poet for the April 2003 issue
+of Sidereality magazine
+(<del>sidereality.com</del>). What I didn't tell you
+is that the feature will be a series of
+new poems called "Gentle Monsters"
+responding to the work of generous
+and friendly artist Matthew P. Schuster.
+Visit his gallery here for a sneaky peek:
+http://mpsindustries.com/
++ I've been interviewed for the free
+"Flash Fiction Flash" newsletter ... a
+wonderful resource for all short story
+writers. To subscribe send an email to
+FlashFictionFlash-Subscribe@yahoogroups.com
++ Along with Piers Anthony and Mike
+Resnick, I'll be judging the finalists in
+the first Draco Awards. What's a
+Draco? No, it's not a new James Bond
+villain, silly. It's a hardcover & e-book
+deal from Double Dragon Publishing
+for the best novel entered in its genre!
+http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com/
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+Gothic Martha Stewart
+<del>toreadors.com/martha/</del>
+Corporate Goth
+http://www.waningmoon.com/corpgoth/
+Gothic Real Estate
+<del>findaproperty.co.uk/cgi-bin/story.pl?storyid=2424</del>
+Goth Bowl
+<del>gothbowl.com/</del>
+Christian Goth
+http://www.christiangoth.com/
+====DATA AND ERRATA====
+Thanks to all of you who offered me
+get well wishes after sharing my "sick"
+essay last time around. Matt S. made
+me laugh when he wrote, "You make
+getting a cold sound very sexy in a bad
+sort of way..." And Sabina Becker
+opened my eyes (and nasal passages)
+when she recommended I get a
+fascinating contraption called a "Neti
+pot." Thanks! Eekinacea for all!
+====NEW AT GORELETS.COM====
+I've decided to close the "Mutant Mug
+Shop." This decision is not about
+sales; it's a matter of boycotting. The
+cup maker, cafepress.com, is getting
+into the vanity publishing game by
+encouraging folks to publish their own
+book (minus a cut, of course) through
+the site as if a book were nothing more
+than an iron-on t-shirt. I don't like that.
+So I'm pulling out of the cafepress
+game come March 1st. If you wanted a
+mutant mug, visit gorelets.com and get
+it now before I pull the plug.
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It actually pays to scroll this far down.
+FLESH AND BLOOD magazine offers
+you an exclusive discount! Subscribe
+for only $12 ($4 off!) or pay just $3 for
+one issue (1/2 off!). Make your check
+payable to Jack Fisher and put the
+word "GORELETTER" in the memo
+field. For contact information, see:
+<del>fleshandbloodpress.com</del>
+Take 10% off the new hardcover book,
+CEMETERY POETS, by visiting this
+hidden exclusive page at gorelets.com.
+Thanks for the discount, Double-D!
+<del>gorelets.com/demos/cempoesale.html</del>
+Writers take note! You can get 10% off
+the unique submission organizer,
+WRITE AGAIN! Try it out and if you
+decide to register this great software,
+let them know that Arnzen's newsletter
+sent you and they'll refund you 10%!
+I've been using this program for about
+a year now and I can vouch for it -- WA
+is one of the best databases for writers
+available. If you're a writer submitting
+without a "system" yet, this is a must-
+download. Includes a project
+scheduler, graphs, and a financial
+database. A very useful product.
+http://www.asmoday.com/
+FICTIONWISE.COM's 15% off special
+page for gorelets.com visitors is
+updated every week:
+<del>www.fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+WILDSIDE PRESS -- publisher of my
+collection, Fluid Mosaic -- kindly
+continues to offer Goreletteers a one-
+time 10% discount coupon! Enter the
+coupon code ARNZEN at check out:
+http://www.wildsidepress.com/
+Didn't get a SHOCKLINES.COM
+coupon in time for this issue...if you
+were hoping for it, you should sign up
+for their newsletter for special offers:
+<del>yahoo.com/shocklines/</del>
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+c 2003 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations or excisions. For reprint
+permissions of individual pieces,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own a
+PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+Our surrealist product endorsement:
+http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"Do not seek death. Death will find
+you. But seek the road which makes
+death a fulfilment."
+-- Dag Hammarskjold (died 1961)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}