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+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1.6, Jan. 19, 2003 +++
+**SICK STUFF**
+----
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+Sick
+This week I've been in a perpetual
+wrestling match with my own nasal
+cavities. They're slippery suckers and
+they always win. In fact, they've taken
+over like something from John
+Carpenter's 'The Thing': I have
+become one big dripping sinus
+membrane with ropy snot tentacles
+that lash out at anything that moves,
+eager to find a new host.
+That's what being sick with cold or flu
+is really like. Losing yourself to an
+unknowable alien, organ by internal
+organ. It's like Ebola Lite (waste's
+great; less killing). And you hate every
+night-time, sniffling, sneezing,
+coughing, achy, stuffy head, fever,
+cough, cold, so you can give it a
+freakin' rest minute of it.
+[It just occurred to me that the excess
+of NyQuil's famous wordy slogan
+works only because that's exactly what
+we fantasize about when we're sick:
+we want every symptom in the book --
+even ones we don't even have -- to just
+go away with one sip of a magic
+potion. They won't disappear. But in
+the mean time, we'll be happy just
+getting snockered on something
+noxious and syrupy. Plus anything that
+rhymes with "Might Kill" has gotta
+work, right?]
+You probably don't want to read this,
+especially if you've been successful
+(so far) at combating illness all season.
+But like a really good sneeze, I'm
+gonna share my thoughts all over you,
+anyway. Because when you're sick,
+you have sick thoughts. And when
+you're on cold medicine, they're even
+sicker...but you'll forgive me, won't
+you?
+Aside from all that green phlegm
+business, there are two primary things
+about the common cold that really
+freak me out. Perhaps you've already
+thought about them. If not, perhaps
+you should.
+First freaky thing: having a nasty cold
+is a little like dying an ugly death. Not a
+"supernaturally crafty murder scene
+from The Omen" sort of ugly death. I
+mean ugly as in the way wild animal
+carcasses rot on the side of the road in
+the summer. When I have a cold, I feel
+as though my lungs are rotting meet,
+buzzing with flies. And they are, really -
+- little viral ones, little wet ones, little
+microscopic insects that tingle and slop
+around in the snot barrel that my chest
+has become. The coughing fits don't
+really help. They just transport those
+diseased little bugs around as if the
+throat were an elevator ride. Going up?
+Throwing up? Whatever. They spread.
+They seek the good flesh. And there's
+nothing you can really do to "cure"
+them.
+Second freaky thing: these bugs inside
+of your body were once inside another
+body, doing the same nasty thing
+they're doing to you. And try as you
+might to primly cover your nose or fold
+your tissue or wash your hands with
+sanitary gel, you know damned well
+you're guilty at every turn for potentially
+contaminating another person's body.
+You'll never know for sure, and that
+makes it oh so easy to pretend you
+don't. But you're nothing more than a
+carrier to the sickness. You're a sticky
+marsupial pouch full of viruses, and
+you hand deliver them to your friends
+and neighbors on the end of a pencil or
+the rim of a glass. We pass these colds
+around like they're soiled dollar bills in
+a strip club. And getting a cold is like
+getting tongue kissed by a stranger
+while you were asleep. There's no
+rhyme or reason to it. We're helpless.
+When I was a kid, I used to think that
+my cold ended only when I'd done my
+duty by passing it on to some
+unknowable but predetermined quota
+of other people. Viruses, my logic
+went, were working a pyramid scheme.
+But that's not it at all. Now I know the
+truth: like all parasites, they're really
+just lonely. Your cold just wants to be
+loved.
+Enjoy your symptom, as Slavoj Zizek
+once famously said. I've read Zizek
+and I appreciate his philosophy. But I
+also made the sound of his name the
+last time I sneezed.
+Gesundheit, all.
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
+Two businessmen are chatting at a bar
+in an airport terminal. During the
+conversation, one notices that blood is
+seeping out from the cracks in one of
+their briefcases. Write the scene.
+Walk around your home and make a
+list of three common household objects
+from different rooms. Now -- choosing
+one item from the list to fill in the blank -- write a horror piece entitled "I Was a
+Teenage _____." If the first stab
+doesn't work, try again with a different
+object. If it still doesn't work, try
+"Attack of the 50-foot _____" instead.
+Give a character a very bizarre scar.
+Now have that character tell its story.
+====GORELETS====
+Bundled Up
+the skeleton inside me itches and\\
+fidgets and uncomfortably twists\\
+against the gum and spongy bindings\\
+of my muscular prison -- a sweaty kid\\
+caught up in the sleeves of a big coat\\
+careless of catching his death of cold\\
+carefree and eager to know the snow\\
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"On Writing Anxiety by Stephen King"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+The Shining (1980)\\
+Misery (1990)\\
+The Dark Half (1993)\\
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+"Spit on My Grave"
+Guide a funny little "day of the dead"
+skeleton (dressed in poncho, straw hat,
+and sandals) around six open graves,
+chugging tequila and aiming his spit at
+burning candles, trying to put them out.
+This silly Macromedia Flash game --
+brought to you by the neo-country
+band "Lincoln" (out of the UK, not
+Nebraska) -- is not as easy as it is in
+real life. In fact, I can't make it past the
+first level. I bet you can, though. When
+you arrive on the site, click on the top
+skull in the center of the page to enter
+the game.
+http://www.thesoundoflincoln.co.uk/testbig.htm
+[Requires "Macromedia Flash" to play.
+No worries there...it'll auto-install.]
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+Science + Art = Scart
+Dream Anatomies
+http://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/dreamanatomy/
+Ornithological Dejecta
+http://www.monpa.com/ba/index.html
+Questionable Medical Device Museum
+<del>mtn.org/~quack/welcome.htm</del>
+====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS====
+Tom Piccirilli is a powerhouse author,
+able to successfully leap from genre to
+genre, painting very different pictures
+but dabbing his brush into the same
+dark palette for each one he creates.
+And man can he create. He won the
+first Bram Stoker Award for Poetry in
+(deservedly beating out my own
+book, Paratabloids, with his rock solid
+title from Skull Job Productions, A
+STUDENT OF HELL). His imaginative
+novels are repeatedly published to
+much acclaim by Leisure Books. He's
+adept at short fiction and novellas.
+And he keeps on writing poetry. I
+admire that.
+Pic's latest poetry collection, THIS
+CAPE IS RED BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
+BLEEDING (Catalyst Press, Dec 2002)
+is a finely produced trade paperback
+with a stunning cover of a haunted
+child and skeleton by Jeremy Caniglia.
+The 100 page collection is satisfying
+and ambitious, containing all original
+work. If our genre has a Walt Whitman,
+Piccirilli is it and this book is his gothic
+"Song of Myself," horrific yawp and all.
+It's there in the style as much as the
+attitude: his lines are long,
+uncontainable by the digest-sized
+page; his meter is unrelentingly dark
+and psychologically brooding; his
+imagery is symbolically rich and at
+times shocking; and most of the pieces
+in this book border on prose-poetry,
+suggesting an uncontrollable horror
+seething beneath the heavy language.
+The narrator of much of the verse has
+a voice so introspective that one can't
+deny its honesty; it feels confessional
+at times as Piccirilli muses about
+everything from the anger that leads to
+self-mutilation to the potential
+immortality implied by his own
+cremation. But for all its "goth"
+trappings, CAPE isn't a book of
+narcissistic melancholy; instead, it is
+the product of a distinctively dark voice
+that pulls you into a personal conflict
+and enables you to see the world
+through the narrator's eyes.
+Much of the poetry is horrific. But
+CAPE reveals Pic's range in a manner
+that is really quite stunning. You can
+tell from the titles alone that the man
+means business. There is the comic
+turn of "My First Groupie and How
+Much I Love Her Despite the Failed
+Assassination Attempt" which is true to
+the craziness of fans during a public
+reading, but (hopefully) fictional in its
+dramatization of what its title suggests.
+There is the romantic cadence of
+"Twined Backwards Upon the History
+of My Heart" which is really a love
+poem to death personified as a woman
+sharing the narrator's bed. And there's
+the metafictional twist ending of "On
+Being Asked the Meaning of the Last
+Line."
+I don't want to spoil the surprising
+beauty of Pic's wonderfully apt
+imagery, but I will close with an excerpt
+that really embodies the way Tom
+Piccirilli confronts the realm of
+nightmare:
+"I see that the night has positioned its
+nose/an inch from mine,/as we gauge
+each other wondering/who will bite
+first."
+Dark brilliance. Pic's got style...and he
+might just be up for another Stoker. I
+highly recommend this book to you.
+CAPE is a perfect bound trade
+paperback with a full cover cover. It's
+available for $14 from shocklines.com
+or you can order one directly from the
+publisher:
+<del>catalystpress.net</del>
+[Search this issue for a special
+discount offer on this book!]
+====SADISTIC STATISTICS====
+%age of utterances by low-income
+workers that are swearwords: 24%
+%age of Brits who expect to hear bad
+language in public: 80%
+Number of times Tony Montana uses
+the F-word in Scarface: 206
+Number of times Eminem says the F-
+word on his Marshall Mathers LP: 151
+Rate of F-words spoken per minute in
+the film, Casino: 2.05
+Number of times the F-word appears in
+Lady Chatterley's Lover: 30
+Number of hits the F-word gets in a
+websearch on Google.com:
+,200,000
+Number of hits the actual phrase "F-
+word" gets: 78,300
+***
+Sources: Observer UK 1/02; E! Online
+/02; TheModernWord.com/joyce
+/03; geocities.com/bushton_2000/
+/03; Time 05/74; googlefight.com 1/03
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
++ DarkVesper Publishing is reporting
+that the release date of my book,
+Freakcidents, may be pushed back a
+bit, due to a recent computer crisis. But
+the special offer still stands: if you buy
+Freakcidents AND The Psycho-
+Hunter's Casebook by Kurt Newton
+you will get a free mini-chapbook of
+extra poems and stories by both
+writers. (And, yes, this offer is
+retroactive for customers who already
+purchased Newton's fine book). Visit:
+<del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
++ I've read the proofs of the upcoming
+-page hardcover poetry book,
+Cemetery Poets: Grave Offerings...and
+it's quite a twisted horror collection! I've
+got a chapbook's worth of new work in
+it, along with 16 other poets (some new
+voices, some veterans). The book also
+features a unique section containing 35
+poems directly inspired by the "Fridge
+of the Damned" poetry magnets on
+gorelets.com! You'll be amazed at how
+different (and twisted) these poems
+are, even though everyone's working
+with the same word set. Double-
+Dragon Publishing is selling this
+hardcover tome at the worthy price of
+$33. Think about how many individual
+chapbooks that would buy. Then you'll
+realize how cheap that pricetag is. Get
+the e-book version and >really< save
+money. Check it out now, Funk Soul
+Brother:
+http://double-dragon-ebooks.com/
++ Are you a freakshow addict like me?
+Or just really, really scared of clowns?
+If so, then you should step right up to
+the recently released SIDE SHOW:
+Tales of the Big Top and Bizarre. SIDE
+SHOW is a well-edited theme
+anthology with a super line up of
+writers and a knockout cover graphic of
+a clown juggling baby heads (by the
+great Chad Savage). I'm in there with a
+weird poem called "SuiSide Show."
+Lots of weird fun in this one, folks!
+<del>iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0%2D595%2D26087%2DX</del>
++ The horror poetry webzine,
+Decompositions, surprised me by
+releasing my sick little poem,
+"Eviscerated Ghoul" in the January
+issue. My even sicker one, aptly called
+"The Gross Stuff," will likely appear in
+February. Amazingly, neither were
+written this month while on NyQuil.
+http://home.earthlink.net/~brosenberger/
++ Spring is in the air. Not. But Arnzen
+buds are blooming. Over the next
+month, I'm scheduled to have short
+stuff appear in publications like Literary
+Potpourri, Champagne Shivers,
+FlashShot, EOTU, Macabre, and Flesh
+and Blood magazine. And I think it's
+okay to announce that I was invited
+(just today) to be the featured poet for
+the April 2003 issue of Sidereality
+magazine. Have you read them yet?
+You really should! Get unreal on the
+other side: <del>sidereality.com</del>
++ Along with Piers Anthony and Mike
+Resnick, I'll be judging the finalists in
+the first Draco Awards. What's a
+Draco? No, it's not a new James Bond
+villain, silly. It's a hardcover & e-book
+deal from Double Dragon Publishing
+for the best novel entered in its genre!
+http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com/
+====DATA AND ERRATA====
+See, I'm not so crazy:
+An Australian man has framed the skin
+flayed from his father's back to
+memorialize the tattoos! Visit the
+website below for photos! [Thanks to
+loyal reader Brian B. for the lead.]
+<del>ananova.com/news/story/sm_739885.html?menu</del>
+All right, all right, I take back what I
+said about skeletons in the last issue of
+the Goreletter. They ARE scary ... and
+a lot of fun to write about. This issue's
+poem is one way to make amends.
+Writer Tanya Twombly told me I
+inspired her to try to prove me wrong,
+too. That's what I like to hear. Brian
+Rosenberger also wrote to remind me
+of Al Sarrantonio's excellent "end of
+humanity" book, Skeletons. Maybe,
+ultimately, bone boys fall somewhere
+between ghosts and zombies, and
+that's what was bugging me. When
+they capture the best of both worlds,
+though, they really work.
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It actually pays to scroll this far down.
+SHOCKLINES.COM offers Goreletter
+readers $2 off of Tom Piccirilli's THIS
+CAPE IS RED BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
+BLEEDING (reviewed in this issue).
+Use coupon code GORELETCAPE.
+Offer only good now through February
+st.
+<del>yahoo.net/shocklines/tompiccirilli.html</del>
+Writers take note! You can get 10% off
+the unique submission organizer,
+WRITE AGAIN! Try it out and if you
+decide to register this great software,
+let them know that Arnzen's newsletter
+sent you and they'll refund you 10%!
+I've been using this program for about
+a year now and I can vouch for it -- WA
+is one of the best databases for writers
+available. If you're a writer submitting
+without a "system" yet, this is a must-
+download. Includes a project
+scheduler, graphs, and a financial
+database. A very useful product.
+http://www.asmoday.com/
+FICTIONWISE.COM's 15% off special
+page for gorelets.com visitors is
+updated every week:
+<del>fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+WILDSIDE PRESS -- publisher of my
+collection, Fluid Mosaic -- kindly
+continues to offer Goreletteers a one-
+time 10% discount coupon! Enter the
+coupon code ARNZEN at check out:
+http://www.wildsidepress.com/
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+c 2003 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations or excisions. For reprint
+permissions of individual pieces,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own a
+PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+Our surrealist product endorsement:
+http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"The certain prospect of death could
+sweeten every life with a precious and
+fragrant drop of levity -- and now you
+strange apothecary souls have turned
+it into an ill-tasting drop of poison that
+makes the whole of life repulsive."
+-- Friedrich Nietzsche (died 1900)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}