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--- goreletter:too_taboo_for_you [2013/11/24 12:54] – [ARNZEN NEWS] marnzen
+++ goreletter:too_taboo_for_you [2013/11/29 11:35] (current) – marnzen
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+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1 #13, Aug 4, 2003 +++
+**Too Taboo for You**
+----
+====WELCOME TO LUCKY ISSUE #13!====
+Before we descend into the usual
+madness, I'd like to brief you with a
+short update.
+In September, The Goreletter will
+reach its first anniversary. In the name
+of superstition, I have decided that 13
+issues a year will complete a volume.
+So in the future, issues are likely to
+come out every four weeks (with a
+break in June) instead of every three.
+This issue features a contest open to
+all current subscribers (look for it in the
+"Snippets of the Strange" department).
+One reason for holding this is to thank
+you for reading. The other is to call
+attention to THE SICKOLODEON -- a
+new "premium" content area on my
+website (http://gorelets.com), where
+you can plunk in a quarter or two and
+get a rare story, an offbeat interactive
+animation, or a helpful bundle of writing
+advice. I've joined such luminaries as
+the cartoonist Scott McCloud (author of
+Understanding Comics) and the Bat
+Boy musical troupe (yes -- the icon
+from the Weekly World News) to beta
+test a cool new "micropayment" service
+called bitpass.com. So if you're feeling
+charitable, visit the Sickolodeon, toss a
+few coins (literally) into my electronic
+hat, and test out BitPass. I see this as
+a fair way to help fund the free website
+and newsletter.
+Thanks, as always, for subscribing.
+This newsletter has accomplished a lot
+in a year. I think I've only scared away
+five subscribers since beginning this
+thing, so I take that as a sign that the
+first year of The Goreletter has been a
+walloping success. It also received
+many Bram Stoker Award
+recommendations last year and has
+begun to receive them again this year.
+But it's the inspiration that means the
+most to me. Writing this newsletter
+keeps me on my toes, coming up with
+new offbeat material I wouldn't have
+written otherwise -- some of which has
+gone on to be published elsewhere. A
+handful of subscribers have been
+"Instigated" into publication by it, too,
+and "slaying it forward" like that makes
+me very proud. I appreciate all of your
+feedback and many of the "Weird
+Web" sites you've recommended.
+Keep it coming, folks. And keep your
+hands clean, too.
+-- Mike Arnzen, arnzen@gorelets.com
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+Beratings
+There's only one good thing about the
+rating system that polices American
+film: it flags which movies are for kids.
+And that tells me which ones to avoid.
+I think the whole ratings code ought to
+be inverted. I want to be "restricted"
+from ever having to watch the "Spy
+Kids" franchise, so I want those
+marked as "R." And rather than rated
+R, anything having to do with the sex
+lives of teenagers should be PG-13 --
+pregnant at age 13. Indeed, I think "R"
+means "Restricted to those kids who
+know how easy it really is to sneak in,
+catch it on HBO, or rent it on video.
+Although ratings were established by
+the Motion Picture Association in the
+interest of protecting kids from
+obscenity, it's been a marketing
+demographic more than anything else
+for the past twenty years. Ratings are a
+way of predicting who will likely be
+exposed to the advertisements before
+(and during) the film. I figured this out
+when I sat at Pirates of the Caribbean.
+All the trailers were for other Disney
+films and kiddie pics. This offends me.
+Just because I'm willing to get on one
+roller coaster in the amusement park of
+the mind, it doesn't mean I want to ride
+the tot train and the tea cup twirler, too.
+There was a time when ratings meant
+something. "G" used to mean for
+"General Audiences." It also has
+always meant, "Gee, isn't that cartoon
+elephant cute?" and "Gee, I wish I
+wouldn't have had four kids who make
+me take them to these godforsaken
+cartoons all the time." There's nothing
+"general" about "G" films at all. They're
+certainly not "family" films. Indeed,
+they're the opposite: they're babysitting
+tools for when you need an escape
+from it.
+"PG" is like the imaginary number. It
+never really existed.
+"PG-13" used to mean "Parental
+Guidance Suggested for Children
+Under 13." Now it means "films
+teenagers might put up with in the
+name of gallon drums of popcorn and
+soda."
+"R" means restricted, but what is
+restricted exactly is open to
+interpretation. If the children were
+totally restricted, then wouldn't it be
+NC-17? I think it really means
+"Restricted to the Waist Up" but I'm not
+really sure anymore.
+I think "R" is the ideal rating for a
+horror film, by the way. If a horror
+movie isn't treading in taboo waters
+enough to make the rating board
+squeamish about the corruption of the
+youth, then it's probably not a horror
+movie to begin with. Take the Pirates
+of the Caribbean: edgy enough for
+Disney to get a PG-13 -- way cool with
+scary images of undead pirates -- but
+the horror was dulled by cutesy humor
+and sappy teen-level romance. I loved
+the film, don't get me wrong, but it
+could have easily been raised to the
+level of a >real< horror movie. The
+blood on the gold could have been
+more than just one drop spilled by one
+kind pirate. Imagine ALL of the zombie
+crew swarming over the treasure
+chest, tearing into the body with their
+sharp hungry hands....
+But I digress.
+What I am really concerned about is
+the NC-17 rating. I believe that all films
+should be rated this way -- that way I
+won't have to listen to noisemakers in
+the theater anymore. But I know that it
+would never work. Because the NC-17
+rating is flawed. If no children under
+seventeen are allowed into the theater,
+then what about the adults under
+seventeen? And isn't there something
+redundant about this awkward
+nomenclature? What ever happened to
+the U (of "U-nder 17"), anyway? All
+said, this ugly rating sounds more like
+a model number of the Starship
+Enterprise than an "adult" film label,
+and until I see some freaky alien sex
+action between Scotty and a time
+travelling empath in an NC-17 film, I'll
+not be satisfied.
+In fact, I want the "X" rating to come
+back. Not because I'm a perv., but
+because I think the letter X just looks
+really cool on a movie poster. It says:
+"too taboo for you." I remember seeing
+advertisements for Dawn of the Dead
+with the scarlet letter X branded on
+them. Nothing piqued my interest more
+-- the X threatened me, instantly
+triggering my fear of the unknown.
+Horror film posters just haven't been as
+cool since. I think X should come back
+and kick NC-17 right out of the box
+office. Let it label the porn videos. Give
+the rest of us back our X.
+Besides, a rating isn't necessary to flag
+porn, is it? I trust that anyone -- even a
+child way under 17 -- can guess a
+film's genre by its very title. Yes, even
+with those tricky porn puns on
+blockbuster cinema classics, like
+"Forest Bumps" or "The
+Codpiecefather" or "American Pie 2."
+Do ratings work? I used to think they
+might, until I realized that the ushers
+and ticket takers were themselves
+under 17. That's sort of like hiring a frat
+boy to check Ids at the bar -- doesn't
+work. And the spread of home video
+makes the very concept of ratings
+moot anyway (since DVDs can release
+"unrated" versions in secondary
+markets). In fact, anything that a kid
+might pay $10 bucks to sneak into in
+the theater they could find on the
+internet anyway.
+Kids have outgrown all this ratings
+stuff. It's probably parenting that needs
+to grow up. It's not about censorship or
+audience maturity or child development
+anymore: it's about target marketing
+and the best thing you can do is teach
+your child -- if not also train yourself --
+to resist the onslaught of crass
+commercialism. So send them to adult
+films to subvert the whole economic
+system of big Hollywood.
+Maybe a good horror movie for
+starters. Accompany them if it's rated
+R (like it should be). And then tickle
+them when the screaming starts.
+I obviously don't understand the ratings
+and have given up on them. But to
+really learn more, go to the authorities:
+http://mpaa.org/
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+Spam Radio
+http://www.spamradio.com/
+The Spam Letters
+http://thespamletters.com/
+Spam Poetry I
+<del>spamhaiku.com</del>
+Spam Poetry II
+<del>satirewire.com/features/poetry_spam/poetryintro.shtml</del>
+Cthulhu and the Spammer
+<del>geocities.com/spamresources/humour.htm</del>
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
++ Begin a story with the line, "It was
+when I died that...."
++ Write a piece featuring a skeleton
+and a dentist as primary characters (or
+as one in the same character).
++ Create a situation where one
+character explains a deeply disturbing
+town ritual to another.
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"Exorcist Parodies"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+Hysterical (1983)\\
+Repossessed (1990)\\
+Scary Movie 2 (2001)\\
+====GORELETS: Unpleasant Poems====
+Strange Trout: A Microfiction
+The freshwater fish flops on my fine
+china plate in a puddle of scaly gray
+water too hot to be pond scum. Slit at
+the belly and pried open in a fine fillet
+the trout still somehow manages to
+turn his silver eyeball up at me.
+He thwats his bony white tail at my fork
+whenever I pierce his innards, spilling
+his steaming guts out all on his own.
+He is his own anchovy can key.
+Meanwhile my cat impatiently waits at
+my feet, gently batting his own tail,
+curious about the strange new toy from
+which I feed him morsels to quench the
+anticipation clearly evident all over his
+drooling white skull.
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+"Meat or Accident?"
+Disgusting. Hilarious. Brilliant! Play the
+game where you guess whether an
+image is "Meat or Accident" based on
+a partial glimpse of the larger photo.
+You'll be surprised how easy it is to
+confuse Chopped Ham with Chopped
+Hands.
+This flash game (by the comedic
+Mantlepies group) is raw, not cooked,
+so be prepared for some graphic
+images. As the site itself explains,
+"There's a few images in this quiz that
+may offend sensitive, delicate or milky
+eyes, especially those of children" so
+consider this one rated R.
+<del>meatoraccident.co.uk</del>
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
++ I'll be at the Horrorfind convention in
+Baltimore from Aug 15-17th. You're all
+invited to my fiction reading Sunday
+afternoon.
+http://www.horrorfindweekend.com
++ Take note sports fans: My new
+poetry e-book, Sportuary, should be
+available from CyberPulp Digital
+Paperbacks (exclusively in Adobe .pdf
+format) on August 15th. Cost? Just $3!
+Illustrated richly with new paintings by
+Marcia Borell, this book promises to be
+a lot of fun. Check out the preview
+page on gorelets.com, or go directly to
+CyberPulp for ordering.
+<del>cyberpulp.netfirms.com/index2.html</del>
+<del>gorelets.com/demos/sportuarysampler.htm</del>
++ Take a peek at the brand new
+webzine, Nerve Ending. NE not only
+published my weird story, "Limber", but
+also got some great stuff from horror
+legends Monteleone, Spector, Silva,
+and Van Belkom all in their first issue!
+<del>nerveending.com</del>
++ Look for my story, "The Boblin," in
+the new book SCARY! Holiday Tales to
+Make You Scream, edited by Paul
+Melniczek. This antho features thirty
+stories clustered around various
+holidays (mine is Halloween). You'll
+discover great writers in this book, like
+John Edward Lawson, Simon Wood,
+Sandy DeLuca, Nicole Thomas, Marc
+Sanchez, Kurt Newton, Jason
+Brannon...just too many to mention.
+The paperback will be out in
+September, but you can read it NOW
+in e-book form for just $4.99! Visit
+Double Dragon Publishing:
+http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com/
++ Tachyon Publications has fully
+updated their website and are ready to
+take orders for my Martha Stewart
+parody called Dying. Drop by to get a
+peak at the hilarious photo they
+uploaded (Arnzen in a chef's cap
+wielding some scary kitchen
+instruments). Or order through the
+gorelets.com front page and get a
+signed copy before I run out:
+http://www.tachyonpublications.com
+We're all still waiting for my book,
+Freakcidents, which has suffered
+numerous delays. I'm hopeful for a
+release soon. Pre-order it today at:
+<del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
+http://www.shocklines.com
+====SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE====
+SPECIAL CONTEST EDITION
+Strange Visitors
+According to my web host, all but one
+of the following keyphrases were
+entered into internet search engines
+(like google.com) by strange people
+who subsequently "clicked through" the
+results to land on my site in the month
+of July:
+"lover"\\
+"moldy refrigerator"\\
+"i am in my casket"\\
+"insane clown freaks"\\
+"brain-splitting"\\
+"homepage with me naked"\\
+"art worst fears"\\
+"wounds"\\
+"numb left nerves"\\
+"knuckle piercing"\\
+"naked cheese"\\
+"crib death strategy"\\
+I've only made up ONE of the twelve
+words in the list above. Can you guess
+which one? The 1st subscriber to e-mail
+me the correct phrase (pick only one)
+at contest1@gorelets.com will win a
+FREE AUTOGRAPHED COPY of my
+Stoker-finalist poetry chapbook from
+, Paratabloids >plus< a $5.00 gift
+certificate to bitpass.com enabled web
+media. The 2nd and 3rd correct
+submissions I receive will get $3 gift
+certificates to BitPass.
+You only get one guess. You must be
+a subscriber to play. I will send out an
+announcement to the list once we have
+three winners and the contest will
+officially be closed.
+If you somehow found your way to this
+newsletter by entering any of the
+above search phrases, well, shame on
+you, sicko.
+====DATA + ERRATA = DRATTA====
+INSTIGATED THIS MONTH by the
+Goreletter's writing prompts:
+Ryan M. Williams
+"What Dragged the Cat In"
+published in Alien Skin Magazine:
+http://alienskinmag.com
+Terry Leigh Relf
+"Cancer is a Demonic Pregnancy"
+published in Wordmaster Magazine:
+<del>wordmaster.ev.ro/pages/article/article.php?art=141</del>
+Let's give these two a round of virtual
+applause by actually reading their stuff.
+And if you're a writer, too, I >challenge
+you< to respond to an Instigation
+prompt and get it published. Let me
+know if I've insigated you into a
+publication by e-mailing me the details
+and I'll publicize your work.
+GOOD NEWS: The Goreletter has
+started receiving recommendations
+once again for the annual Bram Stoker
+Award. If you're an HWA member, I
+hope you'll send in your support to get
+it on the preliminary ballot in the
+"Alternative Forms" category.
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It actually pays to scroll this far down.
+NEW SHOCKLINES EXCLUSIVE!
+Get $5 off your preorder of a very
+important new book of horror poetry
+(coming out in October): The Devil's
+Wine, ed. by Tom Piccirilli. This
+hardcover limited edition from
+Cemetery Dance Books will feature
+dark verse by such notables as
+Stephen King, Peter Straub, Ray
+Bradbury, Brian Hodge, Steve Rasnic
+Tem, Ed Lee, and many more. Until
+Sept. 1st, visit shocklines.com and if
+you enter coupon code GOREDEVIL
+when you check out, you'll get $5 off
+this exclusive edition -- which has the
+extra bonus of being SIGNED by Tom
+Piccirilli and Jack Ketchum!
+<del>store.yahoo.com/shocklines/dewiedbytomp.html</del>
+FICTIONWISE ARNZEN EXCLUSIVE
+Enter the info below at check out and
+receive 20% off any Arnzen e-books in
+your shopping cart at Fictionwise.com:
+Coupon Code: Arnzen2003
+One time only. Expires 9/29.
+Otherwise, continue to shop for e-
+books at this special 15% off page for
+Goreletter subscribers, which is
+updated weekly:
+<del>fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+HELLNOTES: INSIDER HORROR
+Because you subscribe to The
+Goreletter, you can get a one year's
+subscription to the e-mail version of
+Hellnotes -- the Insider's Guide to the
+Horror Industry -- for just $18. If you
+like the Instigation prompts, Hellnotes
+features three new ones every week!
+Use the code GORELETS in your
+order by August 31. You can subscribe
+via PayPal (payable to JRohrig@aol.com);
+otherwise, check their official website
+for more information:
+http://www.hellnotes.com
+FLESH AND BLOOD PRESS
+Get all available back issues of Flesh &
+Blood magazine for 30% off and any of
+the F&B book titles for 35% off. Free
+shipping and handling on all
+purchases. Please send payment
+made out to Jack Fisher with a note
+mentioning this discount to: Jack
+Fisher, 121 Joseph St., Bayville, NJ
+<del>fleshandbloodpress.com</del>
+DARK ANIMUS MAGAZINE
+Get 20% off an annual subscription to
+Dark Animus -- just $20/year! DA
+contributors have included Graham
+Masterton, Mark McLaughlin, Tim
+Curran, and even I have fiction in the
+latest issue (#4). DA is one of those
+magazines that has a lot of care put
+into every page -- a great example of
+the small press at its best. To get your
+discount on a subscription, include the
+phrase "goreletter" in your
+correspondence or in the order form
+available at:
+http://darkanimus.com/
+CEMETERY POETS: DYING SOON
+Take 10% off the great hardcover
+book, Cemetery Poets, by visiting this
+hidden exclusive ordering page. This
+offer will end in the next issue:
+<del>gorelets.com/demos/cempoesale.html</del>
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+© 2003 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations or excisions. For reprint
+permissions of individual pieces,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own a
+PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+Our surrealist product endorsement:
+http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"Man is the only animal that can
+remain on friendly terms with the
+victims he intends to eat until he eats
+them." -- Samuel Butler (died 1902)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}