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--- goreletter:u-hell [2013/11/24 13:01] – [PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS] marnzen
+++ goreletter:u-hell [2013/11/29 12:07] (current) – marnzen
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+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1.2, Oct. 17, 2002 +++
+**U-Hell**
+----
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+"Ways in Which Moving is Like Death"
++ Good friends do heavy lifting. They
+probably will drink and eat afterwards.\\
++ Your apartment is up for grabs.\\
++ Sadly, you will leave things behind.
+But more of it will end up in the trash
+than you imagined possible.\\
++ On the day of departure, you won't
+be able to say goodbye to everyone
+you'd hoped to.\\
++ Some of your friends will have
+trouble saying goodbye for the first
+time since you've known them.\\
++ Your past becomes legend far too
+quickly. Even the secret stuff.
++ You can't take it with you. I'm
+referring, of course, to that thing some
+jerk borrowed and never returned.
+Now it's really gone.\\
++ Your eating and showering habits
+are altered and you will resent this.\\
++ Your new address is uncertain.\\
++ Your neighbors stink.\\
+"To part is to die a little…" -- Edmond
+Haraucourt, "Chanson de l'Adieu"
+====SADISTIC STATISTICS====
+Short story writers are at their "prime"
+from age 29 to 38; novelists from 39 to
+.
+Age at which Stephen King declared
+his retirement: 54.
+%age of men between 40 and 70 who
+experience impotence: 52
+Age at which menopause typically sets
+in: between 45 and 54
+Age at which the "Bloody Countess"
+Elizabeth Báthory died: 54.
+Number of young virgins slaughtered
+to create Ms. Báthory's "blood bath"
+complexion formula: 650
+***
+Sources: theage.com 1 Feb 2002;
+astrologynow.com, 1998;
+bathory.sk, 2001; Passell, How
+To, 1976; menalive.com, 1997.
+====GORELETS====
+"Crusty Old Age": A Microfiction
+Before dawn, an old woman forks
+holes into a flaky piecrust, cooling
+down the steaming tin on her
+windowsill.
+Outside, a lurking vampire responds.
+In a burst of blackened dust, he
+transforms into a cloud of fruit flies and
+drifts into her opened window. Absent-
+mindedly, she swats as he reassumes
+shape.
+She tastes of lilac as he bites a frail
+freckled shoulder, but her runny tissue
+is warm over his tongue like baked
+fruit.
+She too will develop a taste for human
+pie, baked by time. Brittle bones and
+dentures won't prevent her; she knows
+how to use her fork.
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"Slow-but-Loveable Killers"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+SLING BLADE\\
+OF MICE AND MEN\\
+ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST\\
+====SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE====
+"You may be wondering how meat
+creates air pollution. After all, cows,
+hogs, and chickens don't have
+smokestacks, and the process of
+chopping them up shouldn't have any
+nefarious effect on our air."
+-- paragraph randomly spotted in
+Howard Lyman's MAD COWBOY
+"Botulism. E Coli. Salmonella.
+Irrelevant. These diseases/organisms
+have virtually NOTHING to do with the
+topic, unless we are eating dogs and
+their faeces contaminate the meat."
+-- found in usenet newsgroup
+"talk.politics.animals" (9/22/97)
+"Dead animals, whom you have
+devoured like a ghoul, will haunt you
+unto death." -- found in usenet group
+"soc.culture.czecho-slovak" (7/31/99)
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+"Memento Morty"
+Post a little notice of your own life
+expectancy on your web site so you
+never forget how much time you're
+wasting online. Or post the death date
+of your most hated enemy. Brought to
+you by those brilliantly bizarre boys at
+The Brunching Shuttlecocks:
+http://www.brunching.com/morty.html
+====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS====
+There's nothing hollow about WICKED
+HOLLOW magazine. WH is made to fit
+into your back pocket, but it's
+overspilling with good reads. As the
+title indicates, its focus is horror fiction,
+art and poetry. But what distinguishes
+WH from others in the small press is its
+distinctive character.
+Because of its pocket-sized design, the
+mag is a delight to carry around and
+read whenever a dark mood strikes.
+Unlike so many other sloppily Xeroxed
+mini-mags, WICKED HOLLOW's
+production has real personality. Every
+issue has a trademark earth-toned, rib-
+textured card stock cover. Each edition
+uses a flair of red ink sparsely
+throughout the magazine (though one
+wonders if the color is used TOO
+economically…as most of it appears
+only on the cover and in the page
+headings). The mag regularly uses
+great b/w art in a smart way to
+accompany both stories and poems.
+And though I feel the magazine's
+edges could benefit from a printer's
+trimming machine, the general layout
+of this periodical is remarkable enough
+to make it uniquely fit for its contents.
+In the October issue of WH (#4), a LOT
+of good stuff is crammed into 85
+pages. The stories range from one-
+page flashes (like Kendall Evan's
+"Jack's Masterpiece" -- a unique
+pumpkin-carving tale) to just-right short
+stories (like Darren Speegle's bizarre
+opening number, "Dance Therapeutic,"
+which involves viscera dangling by
+strings from a ceiling). There is a
+balance between gore and soft horror.
+Other good writers in this issue include
+Kealan-Patrick Burke, Stephen
+Rogers, Christina Sng, and William P.
+Robertson. (I've got a poem in #4
+called "tortuous aorta" …but that
+doesn't bias me, I swear!).
+Adding to its unique character, the
+magazine features a fun column on the
+back cover, "The Coma-Induced Top
+Five," which features a notable genre
+writer each issue. These guests offer a
+Lettermanesque list of humorous
+choices related to horror each issue.
+In #4, Mark McLaughlin explains his
+five favourite low budget horror flicks;
+in issue #2, Bruce Boston listed his
+hilarious "Top 5 Things Not to Say
+When Being Tortured to Death." And in
+a productive use of New Media,
+readers are invited each quarter to
+post their own "top 5" on the
+magazine's excellent web site.
+WICKED HOLLOW is cheaper than a
+bag of Halloween candy at $3 a pop
+(or $12/year for 4 quarterly issues).
+Visit their home page for ordering
+information and hollow out some space
+in your back pocket for issue #4 this
+"Holloween." And while you're there,
+browse around "Project Pulp"…you'll
+be pleasantly surprised:
+http://blindside.net/WickedHollow
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+The Gashlycrumb Tinies Live!:
+<del>www.edleston.cheshire.sch.uk/projects/poetry/utter.htm</del>
+Very Odd Auctions:
+http://www.whowouldbuythat.com/
+Rude Voyeurism:
+[deleted]
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
+Craft a piece whose theme is captured
+by this anonymous quotation from the
+world of zoology: "An effective way to
+deal with predators is to taste terrible."
+Hitchcock's famous shower scene from
+Psycho never actually shows the blade
+penetrating flesh. Emulate this: write a
+highly disturbing scene without actually
+showing gore. If this is too difficult for
+you gorehounds, try to use the
+viewpoint of a blind killer.
+"Satan0666" instant messages you.
+Script the conversation. Be sure to
+have the unwelcome prince of
+darkness utilize emoticons and chat
+room shorthand. As in:
+]:-<- (a sad li'l devil with blood
+dribbling from his right fang)
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
+NEW E-BOOKS AVAILABLE AT 30%
+OFF!!! Fictionwise.com has released
+my Bram Stoker-awarded work in e-
+book format. "An Eye for an Eye" -- an
+excerpt from GRAVE MARKINGS that
+made an appearance in Karl Wagner's
+THE YEAR'S BEST HORROR
+STORIES -- is available for 50 cents or
+less! They've also released an e-book
+version of my bizarrely funny Stoker
+finalist in poetry, PARATABLOIDS, for
+an insanely cheap price. This week it's
+on sale for an extra 15% off. There's a
+% Halloween Season rebate on ALL
+horror e-books!!! WOW! There's no
+better time to try 'em out. Go to:
+<del>fictionwise.com/servlet/mw?t=author&ai=1527&id=4004</del>
+I'll have all the following new work
+online and in print just in time for your
+Halloween displeasure:
+Vestal Review's cast THE CURSE OF
+FAT FACE here:
+http://www.vestalreview.net
+FlashShot Daily will have a little
+something of mine one day this month:
+http://www.gwthomas.org/flashshotindex.htm
+Sidereality's featuring an EYELESS
+alien encounter here:
+<del>sidereality.com/index.html</del>
+The Dream People are holding down
+THE ONE WHOSE EYES WOULD
+NOT CLOSE here:
+http://www.dreampeople.org
+Soon, Rogue Worlds will be serving
+HALLOWEEN PIE here:
+<del>specficworld.com/rgworlds.html</del>
+Insolent Rudder has been mucking IN
+THE MIDDLE for awhile now here:
+<del>insolentrudder.org</del>
+Dust Devil is spinning three dangerous
+Arnzen poems for Halloween here
+(print):
+<del>geocities.com/dustdevilzine</del>
+Macabre magazine will heave a
+handful of my horror poetry here
+(print):
+<del>allegrapress.com/</del>
+Lunatic Chameleon is blushing madly
+with a poem or two here (print):
+<del>geocities.com/nancatbird/index.html</del>
+Paradoxa will release my academic
+review of Bill Sheehan's study of Peter
+Straub, AT THE FOOT OF THE
+STORY TREE (print):
+http://www.paradoxa.com
+====DATA & ERRATA====
+QUICK FICTIONS's price was raised
+to two issues for $9 right after I
+delivered last month's issue. That's
+still cheap. See <del>jppress.org</del>
+for details.
+The Arnzen lot in the HWA/ProLiteracy
+auction went for a whopping $28.99.
+Not bad! Shocklines.com reports that
+the auction raised over $7,000 total in
+the name of promoting literacy. All
+right! Now people will be able to read
+those warning labels on antifreeze and
+so forth.
+If you didn't get the premiere issue of
+this newsletter, I've posted it online as
+a sample here:
+<del>gorelets.com/gorelets/goreletter/samplegoreletter.htm</del>
+====NEW AT GORELETS.COM====
++ The animated "horror handheld"
+graphic on the front page has been
+updated for lots of clicky fun. Did you
+know it features a new Gorelet poem
+irregularly? Click on the "skull" button
+to read the latest one.
++ Writer Hertzan Chimera is among the
+many authors who have posted poetry
+on "The Refrigerator of the Damned"
+recently. It's still plugged in and
+buzzing. Give it a try!
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It pays to scroll this far down.
+WILDSIDE PRESS -- publisher of my
+collection, FLUID MOSAIC -- kindly
+and exclusively offers Goreletter
+subscribers a 10% discount coupon on
+your next order! Enter the coupon
+code ARNZEN when you check out at
+their web store and save on some
+great titles you can't find anywhere
+else. Hey babe, take a walk on it here:
+http://www.wildsidepress.com/
+FICTIONWISE offers "15% off"
+discounts on a special list of e-books
+for subscribers to The Goreletter:
+<del>fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+The list of these discounts is updated
+WEEKLY so revisit it time and again.
+THEY'RE ALSO RUNNING A 30%
+REBATE OFFER ON ALL HORROR
+TITLES THROUGH HALLOWEEN!
+AN UNBELIEVABLE BARGAIN!
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+© 2002 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations. For reprint permissions,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own
+a PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"Those who welcome death have only
+tried it from the ears up."
+-- Wilson Mizner (died 1933)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}