goreletter:wackee-packed
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+ | THE GORELETTER: | ||
+ | Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | +++ Vol. 5.03 | July 2, 2008 +++ | ||
+ | |||
+ | **Wackee-Packed!** | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NEWSFLASH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | A NEW WEBLOG! | ||
+ | |||
+ | The weblog edition of The Goreletter has moved to: | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'd like you to drop by and post a comment to help me warm up the new home. You'll find a " | ||
+ | |||
+ | I humbly ask you to help me spread the word, too, by posting links or mentions elsewhere online, so oddballs everywhere know where you go to get your weird on. If you want anything special on the site, now's the time let me know at arnzen@gorelets.com | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BLATHER==== | ||
+ | Blather. Wince. Repeat. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Rejected Wack-ee Packages | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Top Parts\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Toaster sizzling the ears and bleeding noses that spill out of the slots.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Close, but the crusty ' | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Fearios Breakfast Feareal\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Eyeballs floating in a bowl of blood.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Two fears is one too many. Eyes too wet for dry cereal. Try again, maybe with screaming mouth Os? \\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Toast Tito's Corn Chips\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Corn Chip Bag brimming with crisped brown foot ailments.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Too sick, even for us. The pictured dip is...worse.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Axe Devitalizing Shower Gel\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: " | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: This is more an idea than a product parody.\\ | ||
+ | Besides, Axe is for men, and the sudsy nude in the shower is clearly female. | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: BloodGeyser\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Brown bottle spraying blood from top.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Not bad, but pun is too easy.\\ | ||
+ | It would help if the bottle wasn't jaggedly broken in half | ||
+ | and embedded into Smokey the Bear's chest. (Huh? Yellowstone, | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Ball Park Frank\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Puffy male head, carrots, and bones bobbing in cannibal pot...along with hot dogs.\\ | ||
+ | Caption reads "He plumps when you cook him." | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Getting close. But I see no reference to a "Ball Park" | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Neumann' | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Soiled gauze. Literally. A used bandage.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: This is biomedical waste, not art.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Killette! The Blood a Man Can Jet! \\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Silver razor embedded in a blood-spraying throat.\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: Close again...but > | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Drunken Donuts\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Chubby mustachioed maniac pulls a hacksaw through a wino's leg. The oblivious wino drinks from paper bagged bottle. Caption reads: "Time to make the donuts, Daddy!" | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: We've done this one before (the lost 1992 series)...only in a much more palatable way.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Wonder Head\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Human head, pre-sliced, wrapped tight in white plastic. " | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: What the hell is this? " | ||
+ | Is that the president' | ||
+ | Why the fake beard?\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | PRODUCT NAME: Wack-ee Package\\ | ||
+ | ARTWORK: Square chrome object on shiny silver paper...a machete glinting in a mirror?\\ | ||
+ | REASON FOR REJECTION: I don't get....\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | Note: My " | ||
+ | |||
+ | Also drop by http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN NEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | ANTHOLOGY NEWS\\ | ||
+ | My short story, "She Screech Like Me," will be appearing in the upcoming book, He Is Legend: An Anthology Celebrating Richard Matheson (Gauntlet Press, 2009). This anthology features new sequels, prequels, and variations on Matheson' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'll also have stories soon in Horror Library vol. III (Cutting Block Press, Fall 08), Winter Frights (Fall/ | ||
+ | |||
+ | FEATURES\\ | ||
+ | Pittsburgh Professional Magazine recently ran a feature on my career, " | ||
+ | |||
+ | FearZone' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Gail Z. Martin, author of the Chronicles of the Necromancer series, recently interviewed me for her ongoing series of podcasts with dark fantasy, paranormal and science fiction writers. Our funny and chatty conversation about gore, humor, death and the attraction of horror stories should be online in a podcast circa July 15th. Gail's podcast page presently features an all-star roster of writers, including Jeffery Thomas, Tony Ruggiero, Justin Gustainis, Alethea Kontis, and Mark Chadbourn. Gail's latest book is The Blood King, available now from amazon.com, and her new book, Dark Haven is due soon from Solaris Books. | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'VE GOT A RABID SHIH TZU FOR YOU\\ | ||
+ | My latest novella, The B*tchfight (Bad Moon Books, 2008) has been getting great reviews. In the May issue of Horror World, Ron Dickie compares it to "a rabid Shih Tzu" which " | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | [And if you want to drool over the leather lettered edition, drop by the Bad Moon Books gallery in the "Extra Extra" section at Awful Books and get a peek: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | WORLDS OF HORROR\\ | ||
+ | "How aware are you about the horror coming out of countries foreign to you? Are you aware how freaking WEIRD that stuff is? How bizarre and scary? Horror is ALL ABOUT the foreign, alien, and altogether OTHER, and I bet that if you haven’t read a lot of ' | ||
+ | |||
+ | The above is taken from my lengthy guest blog post at Horror Library' | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | You should also check out the Horror Library anthology series, published by Cutting Block Press. I'll have a story about the horror of going through those frustrating airport security checkpoints in the upcoming volume later this fall, called " | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | LISTS OF THE DEAD! \\ | ||
+ | "The Book of Lists: Horror" | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | LAST LICKS\\ | ||
+ | My wacky novella about a boy with an hallucinogenic tongue, Licker, has sold out from Novello Publishing and is now officially out-of-print. You might still find a copy at the Horror Mall, but it's getting scarce. | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====GORELETS: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Head Games | ||
+ | |||
+ | The mounted head begins to speak: \\ | ||
+ | you know, I like it better this way,\\ | ||
+ | I feel more like myself,\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | no body to worry about anymore,\\ | ||
+ | just me alone with my thoughts,\\ | ||
+ | and there' | ||
+ | without the distractions of\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | yada yada yada\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | I know dear and I prefer it, too,\\ | ||
+ | I say, putting on my\\ | ||
+ | boxing gloves.\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | Now remind me,\\ | ||
+ | where did you store\\ | ||
+ | the tongs? \\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====A TOAST TO RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS!==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you'll indulge me for a moment: please pick up your wine glass, water bottle or coffee mug. I want to raise a high toast to a great publisher. | ||
+ | |||
+ | This year marks Raw Dog Screaming Press' fifth anniversary. Anyone who knows the independent press, knows that simply surviving that long -- especially in today' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "What we wanted to do was publish the unpublishable, | ||
+ | |||
+ | I've been very lucky to have them as a literary partner over these five years. Two of our books together were Stoker award finalists and the one that remains in print -- 100 Jolts -- continues to be a very popular book. My second novel, Play Dead, was too experimental for the mainstream press, but Raw Dog grabbed it in its feral jaws and ran with it: they not only printed Play Dead in both a fine limited hardcover and an amazingly sculpted "Grim Grimoire" | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you haven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | So John and Jen (and Ripley) at Raw Dog Screaming Press: here's to you! | ||
+ | |||
+ | To celebrate, RDSP is hosting a 5 year anniversary party at HorrorFind Weekend in the Baltimore area this coming August. I'm going to be there, along with several other members of the Raw Dog pack: presently, D. Harlan Wilson, Adam Golaski, John Edward Lawson, Donna Lynch, Ronald Damien Malfi, and Matthew Warner are all scheduled to appear, with readings, parties, and other fun events. To quote the evil dead: "Join ussss!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | TA-DA! | ||
+ | |||
+ | To pop the champagne early, they are offering Goreletter readers an exclusive discount on Audiovile -- their first audiobook, by yours truly. You can get a copy directly from Raw Dog Screaming for just $7.95, ppd! That's $5 off! Click here to order: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Visit Raw Dog Screaming Press: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read the editor' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Come to Horrorfind: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Learn About Audiovile: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Dead Cat Bounce | ||
+ | |||
+ | If shooting a frail little kittie out of a high-powered cannon is your idea of fun, then just wait until you try Dan Fleming' | ||
+ | |||
+ | I'm a cat lover and I can't seem to stop playing this game long enough to finish my letter to the ASPCA. Ah well, maybe it isn't so bad: this tortured tabby has wayyyy more than nine lives. | ||
+ | |||
+ | My best distance to date: 1182 ft. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Kitten Cannon: < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Notes from Horror 101" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Most readers know I also teach college at Seton Hill U, where we have a top-notch Master' | ||
+ | |||
+ | On point-of view in horror fiction: \\ | ||
+ | "You shouldn' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Responding to a question about sexual perversion in horror fiction: | ||
+ | "What do you mean? Necrophilia is the safest of sexes." | ||
+ | |||
+ | On ghosts and the supernatural: | ||
+ | "There are no friendly ghosts in horror. Try running off with Casper to his friendly place and it won't be long before he turns around and eats you." | ||
+ | |||
+ | When arriving late during a snowy day: \\ | ||
+ | "I had so much snow in my shoes today, I almost fell down three flights of stairs, which would have been bad for the metal plate in my head." | ||
+ | |||
+ | On genre: \\ | ||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | On conflict: \\ | ||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | On word roots: \\ | ||
+ | "Agony and aggravate have nothing to do with agriculture." | ||
+ | |||
+ | On the psychology of horror: \\ | ||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | This class was a lot of fun. At the end of the term, we had a writing contest with the grand prize of a piñata that my wife made in homage to Edvard Munch' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====DICTIONSCARY==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | " | ||
+ | |||
+ | It starts with fun, so it can't be bad, right? Wrong. That would be like sticking your head in a raging furnace, hoping to see a fern. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Chances are 80-20 that if something is " | ||
+ | |||
+ | But to be " | ||
+ | |||
+ | The root of the word is " | ||
+ | |||
+ | In less scientific -- but no less geeky -- parlance, " | ||
+ | |||
+ | This looks academicular: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | This looks funicular: \\ | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | And this is just a funny collar: \\ | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====THE CONTESTATORIUM==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The winners of last issue' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | As I mentioned at the top of the newsletter, this issue' | ||
+ | |||
+ | An almost-impossible-to-find signed Advanced Review Copy of The B*tchfight by Arnzen + the first four issues of Jai Nitz's horror comic series, Heaven' | ||
+ | |||
+ | OR | ||
+ | |||
+ | A signed copy of Arnzen' | ||
+ | |||
+ | BONUS THIRD PRIZE: \\ | ||
+ | Artist Matt Schuster himself will judge his favorite caption and the winner will get the original sketch used for this contest! | ||
+ | |||
+ | The deadline is July 6th. Entries have already come pouring in from web visitors, so don't miss your chance. Full rules, details, and entry forms are here: | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Learn more about Matt Schuster' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The Frolic" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Late last year, Wonder Entertainment released a special collector' | ||
+ | |||
+ | In my Goreletter reviews, I try to shine light on (mostly independent) " | ||
+ | |||
+ | In a nutshell, the short story itself is about the chilling effect a child killer named "John Doe" has had on his prison house psychologist, | ||
+ | |||
+ | The story artfully juxtaposes the doctor' | ||
+ | |||
+ | The bundled book gives excellent insight into Ligotti' | ||
+ | |||
+ | In other words, "The Frolic" | ||
+ | |||
+ | The film version differs just enough from the fiction version to make the set worth your while. Read the story first. Then watch the movie. Then read the screenplay and watch the special features. While the interview with Ligotti appears in the book, you won't get any special appearances in the shape of cameos or interviews from the man (who seems to be so reclusive that he might well be the Thomas Pynchon of horror). If you like to see Ligotti' | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Frolic ($45) signed collector' | ||
+ | |||
+ | Thomas Ligotti Online: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | The Call-In Radio Horror Show | ||
+ | |||
+ | For your next movie night, rent: \\ | ||
+ | American Nightmare (Keeyes, 2003)\\ | ||
+ | Psycho IV: The Beginning (Garris, 1990)\\ | ||
+ | Busu (aka The Booth) (Nakamura, 2005)\\ | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====ARNZEN APPEARANCES==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | July 16-25 | Alpha SF/F/H Workshop for Young Writers | Univ of Pittsburgh-Greensburg, | ||
+ | I'll be a guest lecturer at this year's Alpha writer' | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | July 19, 7pm | Barnes and Noble Bookstore | Greensburg, PA \\ | ||
+ | Reading and book signing, along with sci-fi writer Timothy Zahn, at Barnes and Noble Bookstore, to celebrate Alpha. Open to the public | ||
+ | |||
+ | Aug 15-16 | HorrorFind | Adelphi, MD \\ | ||
+ | Join us at Horrorfind for the FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY for Raw Dog Screaming Press! I'll be there, in addition to reading at this HUGE annual convention of horror film and fiction fans in the Baltimore region. Party details will follow; watch the Raw Dog Screaming page for updates. | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Sept 26-28 | Context-21 | Columbus, OH \\ | ||
+ | I'll be running a workshop on flash fiction writing and more at this excellent literary convention in Ohio. I was Horror Guest of Honor last year at Context and loved every minute of it. Other horror fiction notables in attendance this coming year include Guest of Honor Brian Keene, Gary Braunbeck, Mike Laimo, Tim Waggoner, Paula Guran, Maurice Broaddus, Fran Friel, and Lucy Snyder. (Alert: Only one seat remains for my workshop as of this posting...better sign up soon!) | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | Oct 25-26th | Zombiefest 2008 | Monroeville Mall Expo Mart, Pittsburgh, PA \\ | ||
+ | It returns! And like the living dead, I, too, will be crawling back to the mall. It's still too early to know details, but save the date, which will coincide with World Zombie Day! | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====INSTIGATION: | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Write about a woman-eating plant (as opposed to just a man-eater). | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Everyone says they' | ||
+ | |||
+ | + Ever heard the expression, "Let your freak flag fly"? Write a story or poem about a freak nation and its hallowed flag. (Option: try drawing or describing the iconography of the flag before you begin). | ||
+ | |||
+ | Visit the new Goreletter weblog where you can post your writing! | ||
+ | |||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====AS YOU LIKE IT==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here's a department where I recommend titles that have a similar appeal to my own work. (Oh, okay, I stole the idea from amazon.com, but why let a profit-based computer code decide what you read? Here you've at least got an egocentric writer doing the job!) | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked PLAY DEAD ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like VEINS by Lawrence C. Connolly | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked LICKER ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like SKULL CATHEDRAL by Tim Waggoner | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked FREAKCIDENTS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like THE NIGHTMARE COLLECTION by Bruce Boston | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you liked GRAVE MARKINGS ... \\ | ||
+ | you'll like HAWG by Steven Shrewsbury | ||
+ | http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | If you are curious about any of the Arnzen books that I mention above, just visit the handy-dandy bibliography page at gorelets.com (which include cover art, contents lists, reviews, excerpts, ordering info, and more): http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====BOO COUPONS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Here's some exclusive coupons and discounts on horror-related merchandise -- your reward for scrolling down! | ||
+ | |||
+ | A PROVERBIALLY MONSTROUS BARGAIN\\ | ||
+ | Dark Regions Press and the Horror Mall are offering Goreletter readers an exclusive discount on the limited edition hardcover of my recent Stoker award-winning collection, Proverbs for Monsters! Enter the code PROVERBGORE10 on checkout, and you'll get 10% off the book. Limited to one per person; expires July 24th or while supplies last, at: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ENTER THE ZOMBIE MALL\\ | ||
+ | There' | ||
+ | Visit < | ||
+ | then send your photos to dead@zombiemall.com | ||
+ | |||
+ | RAW DOG SCREAMING PRESS\\ | ||
+ | Read my tribute to RDSP's five year anniversary elsewhere in this newsletter for a $5 break on my cd, Audiovile! | ||
+ | |||
+ | LIBRARYTHING\\ | ||
+ | LibraryThing.com is STILL graciously offering up a "one year unlimited" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Are You FICTIONWISE? | ||
+ | Fictionwise.com -- the web's best sci-fi and horror e-book seller -- maintains a special 15% off page for Goreletter subscribers, | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====COLOPHON==== | ||
+ | All material in The Goreletter is © 2008 Michael A. Arnzen, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to forward the entire contents of this newsletter as a whole, without alterations or excisions. Direct links to articles in the archives or the weblog are permitted and encouraged, so long as credit is given to Michael Arnzen or gorelets.com. For permission to reprint individual pieces, please contact arnzen@gorelets.com. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Delivered free since Sept. 2002. Issues to date: 39. This newsletter is a recipient of the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms from the Horror Writers Association: | ||
+ | |||
+ | Subscribe, unsubscribe, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Read The Goreletter online as a draft-in-progress, | ||
+ | |||
+ | Visit MySpace for lots of pictures, sounds, doohickeys, and web design blunders: | ||
+ | < | ||
+ | |||
+ | Our surrealist product endorsement: | ||
+ | |||
+ | With apologies to latitude 53,41667, longitude 27,91667. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Help spread the strange. Forward this issue to your weirdest friend! And if you'd like to link me, you can find bizarre buttons for your website here: http:// | ||
+ | |||
+ | ====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS==== | ||
+ | |||
+ | Spit Happens | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time." | ||
+ | -- George Carlin (died June 2008) | ||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | {{page> |