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+THE GORELETTER:
+Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
+http://www.gorelets.com
++++ Vol 1 #10, May 2, 2003 +++
+**Zombunnies**
+----
+====BLATHER====
+Blather. Wince. Repeat.
+The Energizer Zombie
+It keeps mouldering and mouldering....
+Don't laugh: the Energizer Bunny is
+very creepy. An uncanny automaton, it
+doesn't just "keep going and going" -- it
+keeps rolling and rolling on legs that
+don't really move, banging and
+banging on a bass drum like a Viking
+ship slavedriver from hell, leering and
+leering through shades that hide any
+semblance of eyes as its head cocks
+from side to side, scanning for souls. It
+couldn't stop if it wanted to. It's keeps
+coming and coming to get you.
+That stupid electronic animal is
+programmed to outlive us.
+Once Energizer decided to have the
+same rabbit appearing in various
+contexts, doing the same thing across
+different commercial spots at different
+times of the year, the advertisers
+started something that they couldn't
+stop. Truth in advertising be damned,
+it's implied that that bunny has been
+relying on the same batteries to beat
+its drum for over thirteen years.
+Thirteen. Scary number. Not just
+because of the numerology. Think
+about it. There are people in this world
+for whom the Energizer Bunny has
+been "going and going" their whole
+lives. They're all teens, true, but this is
+a TV generation that's coming of age.
+They have never known an Energizer
+battery without a bunny icon. And
+before they even had a pulse, the hare
+banged its drum like something
+supernatural. And as they grew up on
+Saturday morning cartoons and MTV,
+the bunny followed them from
+commercial spot to commercial spot. It
+even pops up today in the strangest of
+places -- lately, it bubbles up in a liquid
+grey plastic cocoon that would have
+suffocated any real animal -- pounding
+away for the Energizer brand's slick
+new E2 batteries.
+E2 as in "Energizer II -- Return of the
+Living Dead Bunny Clones."
+It's pink as cotton candy. Warm and
+fuzzy, like soft slippers. Don't be
+fooled. Every time it pauses, twirls its
+drumstick, and turns to face you, you
+better run.
+Think about it: the Energizer Bunny is
+a killing machine. What other lesson do
+we learn from its hellish rampage as
+the other toys spill over and fall silent,
+their batteries drained to death? In the
+battery-operated universe, the Bunny
+doesn't just outlast others -- it kills 'em
+all. Each Energizer ad is part of a
+continuing story that reminds us of
+survival of the fittest. And this god of
+the gizmos has eternal life. The bunny
+will never, ever die.
+I suspect the Viagra people and
+impotence pharmaceutical researchers
+wish they would have thought of it first.
+After all, bunnies reproduce like crazy,
+too. Hugh Hefner used this subtle
+allusion to generate much profit and
+his "bunny" logo is as familiar to 13
+year old boys as Energizer's.
+Do you have the bunny inside?
+Ahem. I'm not going there.
+Okay. So the Energizer Bunny is really
+some sort of zombie pimp daddy on a
+rampage. And we still think its cute and
+loveable, even though it wears flip-
+flops and Ray Bans like something out
+of a Huey Lewis video.
+Hmm...maybe it's not the bunny that
+scares me. Maybe it's the way the 80's
+never die.
+They keep mouldering and
+mouldering....
+--
+[Osama, avert your eyes:
+<del>energizer.com/bunny/balloonfacts.asp</del> ]
+====INSTIGATION: TWISTED PROMPTS FOR SICKO WRITERS====
+Transform a musical instrument into a
+device for torture.
+A surgeon has secreted something
+inside a patient during a routine
+operation. The time has come to
+remove it. At any price.
+Frustrate a suicide.
+====GORELETS====
+Blood Polka
+spots on my sleeves\\
+like a fashion statement\\
+when I peel off my shirt\\
+the blood still seeps\\
+plasma divots the skin\\
+in bubbling puddles of flesh\\
+I wear a splatter of scars\\
+which deepen like slow bullets\\
+and not even our death\\
+can wipe the stains clean\\
+====DATA + ERRATA = DRATTA====
+A lot of news this time around
+regarding my "Instigation" prompts
+from The Goreletter.
+Brian Rosenberger's poem, "Pests" --
+inspired by one of the prompts from
+Goreletter 1.8 -- has been published in
+October Moon:
+<del>octobermoon.org/omspr03/omp01spr03.asp</del>
+If you publish a piece based on my
+prompts, let me know and I'll report the
+news here! (Yes, that includes you,
+too, John Edward Lawson -- who
+mentioned to me at World Horror
+Convention that he's written enough
+stories based on the prompts to
+publish a chapbook! Way to go! He
+also said working title for the collection
+is "Michael Arnzen Programmed Me
+To Kill"! (Very cool, J-Law. Now put
+away that pen and await your next
+order...))
+Last issue's "Raw Meat" was weird
+enough to generate the lead "quotable
+quote" of the latest issue of Hellnotes
+newsletter. The pithy quote? "Anything
+dead that's colder than me is not to be
+trusted."
+Around the same time, I entered into
+negotiations with editor Judi Rohrig to
+syndicate my prompts in their fine
+publication. So if you aren't getting
+enough "Instigation" for your prurient
+imagination already, subscribe to
+Hellnotes and get 'em WEEKLY. You'll
+get much more out of it than just story
+stimulants. This self-billed "insider's
+guide to the horror field" is among the
+best newsletters in the horror trade for
+writers and other dark imagineers and I
+think it's worth every penny of the
+subscription:
+http://www.hellnotes.com
+I was pleasantly surprised to discover
+that this newsletter was reviewed in the
+latest issue of my favorite Australian
+magazine of "pulp horror," Dark
+Animus. The reviewer, James Wardlaw
+-- author of the excellent "sequel" to
+Stoker's book, DRACUL: The Vampire
+Returns -- celebrated the "cleverness
+and creativity" of The Goreletter and
+then singled out the "Instigation"
+department in a remarkably apt way:
+"It might be the catharsis you need; a
+little Ex-Lax for the mind." Hah!
+(Hmm...what starts with "C" and
+rhymes with "instigation"?)
+http://www.darkanimus.com
+I've learned that there's even a flash
+fiction writer's group online at Zoetrope
+Studios (called "The Horror Library")
+that's using the occasional prompt from
+The Goreletter in a horror "write-off."
+Cool, R.J.!
+http://www.zoetrope.com
+All this creative response warms the
+debacles of my heart.
+====OUR ODD TRIPLE FEATURE====
+"Killers with Cameras"
+For your next movie night, rent:\\
+Peeping Tom (1960)\\
+Natural Born Killers (1994)\\
+Minutes (2001)\\
+====NOT DEAD YET: PRINT REVIEWS====
+A twisted poetry version of Stephen
+King's "Needful Things" is how I think
+of Mark McLaughlin's latest chapbook,
+Professor LaGungo's Exotic Artifacts &
+Assorted Mystic Collectibles.
+Throughout the book, we're lead
+through a tour of 22 hilarious imaginary
+objects in a curio shoppe you'd never
+find when antiquing on this plane of
+existence. In the introductory poem,
+"Welcome, Stranger," we're led into
+something like hell, where "all sorts of
+terrors and delights [are] in
+stock...everything is extraordinary.
+Even the front door is haunted." Right
+off the bat, McLaughlin's got us
+trapped inside his fantasy world.
+And the objects are lots of fun. This
+book is pure McLaughlin: light verse
+working dark material to generate both
+belly laughs and repulsion. Although
+the poetry borders on reshaped prose
+at many turns, the irrepressible
+McLaughlin's creativity is truly in
+overdrive in this collection. Just look at
+some of the titles, and you know you're
+in for a clever treat. In LaGungo's
+shoppe, you'll encounter everything
+from "Dental Floss Used by a Vampire"
+to "A Slice of Bacon from Queenie,
+The Dancing Pig" to "The Obligatory
+Haunted Mirror" and "The Deli Killer's
+Deadly Thingamabob." There's even
+"Half a Jar of Hitler's Hair Slickum."
+Just the titles are enough to bring a
+chuckle to your gullet if you share
+McLaughlin's gallows humor.
+Like all curiosities, the fascinating
+histories and mysterious origins these
+objects harbor beckon us to spend
+more time with them. The poems are
+all framed as sales pitches, of sorts, by
+the imaginary narrator, LaGungo, who
+gives us the backstory of each strange
+artifact. The text pulls the reader into
+the absurdity of their histories through
+a very real and familiar situation:
+shopping. Yet the brilliance of this book
+is that it moves beyond the mundane
+bathos of commodity fetishism and
+instead plays off the inherent draw of
+the fantastic. Like all fantasy,
+LaGungo's mission is to get us to
+believe in the unbelievable, and marvel
+in wonder at the possibilities made
+material right before our very eyes.
+Unlike what you might find at the mall,
+here every object tells a compelling
+story -- it doesn't matter if he's lying or
+dreaming or mad.
+At the same time, McLaughlin's goal is
+also to prod you in the belly to tickle
+you with a claw while you peer over the
+rim of the fantastic. This book isn't as
+disturbing or horrific as some of his
+other books (such as The Gossamer
+Eye, which is on the final ballot for the
+Bram Stoker Award in poetry as I type
+this), but it is an excellent collection of
+comic dark fantasy by one the genre's
+most unique humorists.
+Take, for example, "The Skull of
+Eugene Weiderhorn." In this poem,
+LaGungo displays the skull of "the
+most evil man who ever lived" who
+"drank the dreaded guuku juice, which
+is even more wicked than absinthe --
+and what's more, he drank it straight
+from the guuku carton." Brilliant!
+Professor LaGungo's Exotic Artifacts &
+Assorted Mystic Collectibles is a
+quality chapbook with a nice cover
+image of the mad Professor himself by
+Chris Whitlow. A bargain at $5 plus
+postage from Flesh and Blood Press.
+<del>fleshandbloodpress.com</del>
+[Search for a coupon somewhere in
+this issue of The Goreletter!]
+====SNIPPETS OF THE STRANGE====
+Actual Phrases Overheard or Spoken
+during World Horror Convention 2003
+"Intestinal spycams!"\\
+"Ebola Beer -- yum."\\
+"Conversational afterbirth."\\
+"I'm a were-virgin!"\\
+"We all have swinging, kinetic things."\\
+"Shock-a-bra!"\\
+"Chaucer Chowder."\\
+"Who's editing the Spam Anthology?"\\
+"Look! It's The Illustrated Ham!"\\
+"I need a caffeine catheter."\\
+"Rolf this!"\\
+"You know the look -- Gothscara?"\\
+"Psycho Sestinas."\\
+"You can put anyone's ear on a dead
+body; who'd ever notice?"
+====ONLINE GIZMO OF THE MONTH====
+"The Mysterious Kabala"
+In the category of cutely bizarre, this
+online "Magic 8 Ball" is based on an
+actual freaky game from 1967 that
+combines the Eye of Zohar with a
+Ouija board and the Tarot deck.
+Steven Intermill's flash adaptation of
+Kabala is fantastic; but he forgets to
+mention one minor instruction. You
+must chant "Pax, Sax, Sarax, Hola,
+Noa, Nostra..." before you play! Visit
+the Museum of Talking Boards for this
+game's history and more Linda Blair
+action, Cap'n Howdy!
+<del>stevenintermill.com/mysterious.html</del>
+http://www.museumoftalkingboards.com/kabala.html
+[Requires the Macromedia Flash 5
+Player -- it will auto-install if you don't
+have it already (you probably do)].
+====ARNZEN NEWS====
++ I learned that I was officially
+promoted to the rank of "Associate
+Professor" at Seton Hill University on
+April 15, 2003. (Tax day. Ah, the brutal
+irony...)
++ "FREAKCIDENTS TRANSCENDS HORROR...
+What is so brilliant about
+this collection is how Arnzen uses
+literal outside descriptions of the freaks
+to describe the internal alienation and
+awkwardness of humans." -- Mike
+Purfield, B-Independent.com
+Feel the fiend. Touch the terror.
+Caress the carnage. Go to DarkVesper
+Publishing and order Freakcidents:
+<del>darkvesperpublishing.com</del>
++ Michael Arnzen's Dying (With No
+Apologies to Martha Stewart) is now
+available from Tachyon Publications.
+Visit Borderlands Books in San
+Francisco and pick it up along with all
+your favorite horror books. Shocklines
+will be listing it online soon, too:
+http://www.tachyonpublications.com
++ Have you petted the "Gentle
+Monsters"?
+<del>sidereality.com</del>
++ My microfiction collection, 100
+JOLTS, is complete and publishers are
+currently considering it. Two new
+pieces from that book will be available
+soon in the UK's cool horror website
+The Eternal Night:
+http://www.eternalnight.co.uk/
++ A memoir about my relationship with
+the Amityville horror house appears in
+the slick print magazine, Morbid
+Curiosity this month (issue #7):
+http://www.charnel.com/automatism/
++ If you couldn't tell from my review in
+this issue, Mark McLaughlin is among
+the craftiest, wackiest, smartest,
+writers working in the horror genre.
+And his newest, greatest collection --
+Once Upon a Slime -- is one of the
+must-read books of 2003. If you've got
+a sense of morbid humor, buy it.
+"Slime" features a collaboration
+between Mark & I (called "Throb")
+along with Mark's "gross-out contest"
+winning stories from the annual World
+Horror Convention, and many classics
+of dark humor and Eldritch dread. With
+titles like "Dracula has Risen from the
+Sofa" you know you can't go wrong.
+<del>catalystpress.net/slime.htm</del>
++ I'm proud to have a disgusting
+contribution to a book which hasn't
+been placed yet, but is bound to find a
+good publisher: SICK: An Anthology of
+Illness. It's packed with quality authors
+and the preview I saw at World Horror
+Convention knocked my socks off. I
+wouldn't mention it if I didn't think it has
+a bright (if phlegmatic) future. You can
+preview this grotesque collection online
+and salivate until it lands a publisher:
+<del>sickbook.com</del>
++ Along with Piers Anthony and Mike
+Resnick, I'll be judging the finalists in
+the first Draco Awards. What's a
+Draco? No, it's not a sink cleaner, silly.
+It's a hardcover & e-book deal (now
+with a prize of $500!) from Double
+Dragon Publishing for the best book-
+length work entered in its genre:
+http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com/
+====WEIRD SITES OF THE MONTH====
+Vampire Cats
+http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/realvampireking/index36.html
+Cat in a Bottle
+http://www.bonsaikitten.com
+Cyborgatto
+http://www.newgrounds.com/cat/
+====NEW AT GORELETS.COM====
+It's been my policy to not "trade links"
+with writers, but I've decided to launch
+a special list of "subscriber's pages" as
+a way of saying thanks for reading. So
+if you'd like a link to your personal
+website listed on gorelets.com, send
+me an e-mail request with your URL
+and I'll add you! (And naturally, I'd
+appreciate a link back to gorelets.com).
+====BOO COUPONS====
+It actually pays to scroll this far down.
+Shocklines.com is offering a HUGE
+savings on Ray Bradbury's collectable
+book, A Chapbook for Burnt-Out
+Priests, Rabbis and Ministers. Through
+June 1st, enter coupon code
+COREBRAD and get another $12.50
+off the hardcover edition, which brings
+the price down to only $10 each!
+<del>store.yahoo.net/shocklines/chapforburpr1.html</del>
+You already know that Flesh and Blood
+magazine is one of the best horror has
+to offer. But have you seen their
+chapbooks? Because you're reading
+this, you have the opportunity to take
+% off any chapbook F&B Press
+publishes -- including McLaughlin's
+Legungo, reviewed in this issue! -- by
+mentioning "Goreletter discount" in the
+memo field of your check or in your
+online order via PayPal. Thirty percent!
+Visit:
+<del>fleshandbloodpress.com</del>
+Take 10% off the new hardcover book,
+Cemetery Poets, by visiting this hidden
+exclusive ordering page on my site:
+<del>gorelets.com/demos/cempoesale.html</del>
+Fictionwise.com's 15% off page for
+Goreleteers is updated weekly. This
+week features the ebook, OF FLESH
+AND HUNGER -- an "extreme
+cannibal" anthology edited by that man
+I programmed to kill, John Edward
+Lawson. I'm in this one, too, with a
+short-short about, hmm, well, let's call
+it "spoon feeding."
+<del>fictionwise.com/fwa/4004/</del>
+Are you a writer? Try Write Again
+manuscript organizing software and
+get a 10% rebate when you register if
+you tell them that Arnzen's newsletter
+sent you! A very practical product.
+http://www.asmoday.com/
+====COLOPHON====
+All material in The Goreletter is:
+c 2003 Michael A. Arnzen, unless
+otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
+Permission is granted to forward the
+entire contents as a whole, without
+alterations or excisions. For reprint
+permissions of individual pieces,
+please contact arnzen@gorelets.com.
+This newsletter is formatted in one
+skinny column to accommodate
+handheld computer users. If you own a
+PDA, try The Goreletter as a free
+Mazingo channel at:
+<del>mazingo.net/pc/subscribe.php?site_id=1552&src=111</del>
+Subscribe, unsubscribe, and shout out
+about The Goreletter at:
+http://www.gorelets.com
+Our surrealist product endorsement:
+http://thesurrealist.co.uk/priorart.cgi?ref=The+Goreletter
+====PITHY MORBID THOUGHTS====
+"'A poor soul burdened with a corpse,'
+Epictetus calls you."
+-- Marcus Aurelius (died 180 AD)
+----
+{{page>gfoot&nodate&nouser}}