Posted inBlather

Rejected Wack-ee Packages

PRODUCT NAME: Toast Tito's Corn Chips ARTWORK: Corn Chip Bag brimming with crisped brown foot ailments. REASON FOR REJECTION: Too sick, even for us. The pictured dip is...worse. PRODUCT NAME: Axe Devitalizing Shower Gel ARTWORK: "Psycho" shower scene with axe-wielding maniac in silhouette behind a curtain. REASON FOR REJECTION: This is more an idea than a product parody. Besides, Axe is for men, and the sudsy nude in the shower is cleary female. PRODUCT NAME: BloodGeyser ARTWORK: Brown bottle spraying blood from top. REASON FOR REJECTION: Not bad, but pun is too easy. It would help if the bottle wasn't…
June 5, 2008Posted inBlather
Posted inBlather

Grim Henzen Productions

Wormit the Legless Frog Everybody's lovable green buddy crawls back from the grave on his two lanky arms, his backside grotesquely tapered much like the tadpole he once was. He haunts the parking lots of French restaurants...and in his nasal-congested voice cries out for "leggggsss!" He leaves a snotty trail behind him. He is frequently run over by cars. Googee Monster He chaotically throws fistfuls of cookies into his mouth, munching wildly, growling "Gooooogeeee." Sometimes you can see his razor-sharp teeth cutting into his own bloody gums. And sometimes you see human fingers jumbling in the mouth fuzz, and they're…
March 9, 2008Posted inBlather
Posted inBlather

13 Furnishings You’ll NEVER Find at IKEA

BAGEMUP Mob Hit Throw Rug with Latex Backing GNUCKS Knucklebone Beaded Curtain HOOGAFLOOF Neck Pillow Stuffed with Ukrainian Owl Eyes NOZZOIKS Teflon Glove for Throwing Electric Chair Switches JYMJONZ Paper Cup Dispenser SMEGMAR Bordello Mattress Liner STYNXEE Swedish Pine Urinal Disc SLAZISUZI Saw Blade Turntable Appetizer Tray BRANZ Chrome Cannibal Serving Bowl with Designer Drip Saucer OFFTAPOTTER Stuffed Otter's Head Toilet Brush LILCOUGHIN Children's Storage Unit BETIPAJ Beechwood Rotating Whip Rack with Emergency First Aid Kit BLUGH: Envelope Moistener/Spittoon *** Related Reading The Store: http://www.ikea.com The IKEA Name Generator: http://www.minimarketing.it/ikea_gen.htm Where IKEA Gets the Names: http://tinyurl.com/2lx9ga and http://tinyurl.com/ob5v The IKEA…
July 18, 2007Posted inBlather
Posted inArnzen News

A Dead Wheelbarrow

Richard Ristow just completed a spectacular literary analysis of a recent "Gorelets" poem, "The Fall Down the Stairs of the House of Usher," on his excellent weblog, Damned Critic. In it, he compares my style in that unpleasant poem to the imagism of writer William Carlos Williams, to show how much WCW has made an impact on free verse poetry. In the process, I think he uncovers some of the secrets behind what makes a "gorelet" poem tick. Amazing! "Arnzen vs. William Carlos Williams" by Richard Ristow In two parts: Part 1 and Part 2 So much depends on a…
March 9, 2007Posted inArnzen News